*Requested by: fangirlvoice*
You were dating Tate Langdon.
He was your school's outcast, and you were merely a wallflower.
You loved Tate with all your heart.
Your favorite thing to do was blast your CD's, and dance with Tate around your bedroom.
Actually, it might have been when he snuck into your room through your window at night, to cuddle you when your thoughts plagued you, and you did the same for him.
You found yourself spending nights in his room more frequently.
It seemed lately he had something eating at him. He wouldn't tell you what was wrong, and you didn't want to pry. You just assured him you loved him, and he could always talk to you about anything, and held him tightly.
This seemed to calm Tate for the most part, but whatever was bothering him still lingered.
This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet
One day, you had a slight fever and even though you insisted you were well enough to go to school, your parent(s) insisted on bedrest.
As soon as you heard the door close behind them, you found yourself struggling to keep your eyes open.
Eventually, you gave up and succumbed to sleep.
You were woken up by your parent(s) shaking you awake.
You practically jumped out of bed with fright.
Your parent(s) pulled you tight to their chest in a hug, tears sliding down their face.
You were utterly confused.
"What happened? What's wrong?" you demanded.
"Y/N, it's Tate...," they trailed off.
You pulled out of their embrace.
"What happened to Tate? Is he okay?" You questioned, fear causing your voice to waver.
"He... He had some kind of psychotic break. He shot up your school and killed a lot of students. The librarian is in critical condition," they explained.
You were frozen in shock, collapsing back into bed.
Tate had killed people.
The one day you weren't there. Were you in some way partly to blame?
If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart
Your parent(s) settled at your side, wrapping an arm around you comfortingly.
"Where is Tate?" you whispered, "I need to speak to him."
You only heard silence.
You looked at your parent(s) who refused to meet your gaze.
"Where is Tate?" you repeated.
"Y/N...," they whispered.
You stood up.
"Where is he?" you shouted.
"SWAT swarmed his house, to bring him in. He had a gun. They... He's dead, Y/N," you were told.
You felt an explosion in your chest, as if you had literally felt your heart break.
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
The love of your life was gone.
You fell to your knees, your body shaking with sobs.
You screamed as the tears fell down your face.
Your guardian(s) tried to comfort you, silence your tears, but you pushed them away.
You buried your face in your hands, unsure of what to do.
How were you supposed to survive this world alone?
Tate had promised you forever, had sworn you would survive life together.
Now, he was gone.
He broke all his promises and you didn't know how to cope.
You felt as if your life was falling apart.
You were left alone in your room to get yourself together.
You looked around, realizing nothing would ever be okay again.
This is gospel for the vagabonds,
Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards
Confessing their apostasies
Led away by imperfect impostors
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
The funeral was a week later.
His mother held it at his house.
Your guardian(s) hadn't wished for you to go, but you just wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you couldn't say goodbye one last time.
You made your way alone, wearing a short black dress and tissues in hand.
You knocked twice on the door, Tate's mother opening it.
She had always loved you, so when she saw you, she wasted no time pulling you into a hug.
"Oh dear, I understand the pain you must feel. The pain of a lover is always the same as the pain of a mother," she spoke.
Addie, Tate's sister, was seated at the table, her head hung.
Tate had always adored his sister, and you knew you would have to look out for her now that he was... gone.
When Constance finally let you go, you went to her side.
"Hello, Addie," you greeted, softly, "How are you?"
"He's not gone, is he?" she asked, "People never really die, do they?"
You almost broke down, but you swallowed your tears.
"No, of course not, sweetie. Tate will always be with you, looking out for you. He'd never let something bad happen to you, would he?" you spoke.
"I know. You'll be there, too," she said.
You nodded, "Of course."
You turned to Constance, who was setting out treats and such.
"May I... May I go into his room?" you questioned, gently.
She looked at you, curiously, before a small smile set on her face.
"Of course, dear!" she said, "I'm setting aside his CD's for you, and some of his shirts. I know how much you two loved your music and how much he always left his stuff over at your house anyway."
You gave her hand an appreciative squeeze and headed upstairs.
Don't try to sleep through the end of the world
And bury me alive
'Cause I won't give up without a fight
If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart
As you entered the room, you noticed nothing had been touched.
There was a blood stain on the floor, and you realized that that must have been where he died.
A soft sob escaped your lips.
You shook your head, pushing the tears away.
You sat on his bed, careful not to disturb how it was set.
"Oh God, Tate, it hurts so bad not having you by my side," you whispered.
You felt a cold hand on your shoulder.
You gasped, startled.
You turned to see the one and only Tate Langdon.
"But you're... You... I'm seeing things," you muttered, at a loss for words.
"I'm here, Y/N," he assured you, taking your hand in his.
Oh, the fear of falling apart
Oh, the fear, the fear of falling apart
Tate knelt in front of you.
"You think I would leave without telling you goodbye?" he said, smiling sadly.
You shakingly put a hand to his face.
"You broke your promises," you whispered.
"I know. And I am so sorry," He told you, tears sliding down your face, "You were the only perfect thing in my life and I screwed up, I threw it away. And I am so fucking sorry."
"It's okay. I'll be joining you soon," you admitted.
Tate's eyes widened.
"No," he shook his head rapidly, "No, you can't."
"Why not?" You demanded.
"Because I don't want that for you. I want you to go out there, face the world. I want you to become the best goddamn [what you aspire to be] you can be. And I want you to find someone better than me, someone that can be there for you and love you now that I can't. I want you to live a long, healthy and happy life, Y/N," he spoke, "That's why I'm here, to say goodbye and tell you to let me go."
(Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
"How am I supposed to just let you go? Tate, I loved you more than anything. You were my happy life," you responded, incredulously.
"You can make yourself a new happy life. You just have to let me go. Holding on to me will only keep you from moving forward with your life. I know we always used to talk about how fucking awful this world is, the cruelties and darkness inside it," he sighed, "But there are some light places, places where only happiness resides. You are one of those places Y/N. The light inside you will help you out of this shithole, help you move to a happy place, somewhere you'll find a heavenly lover and you'll live out your innermost fantasies. I know it.:
You stared at Tate for a while.
"Okay," you finally whispered, realizing how he was right.
Tate smiled, knowing he had won.
He stood, pressing his lips to yours one last time.
"I love you, Tate," you said, a few tears slipping down your face.
"I love you, too, Y/N," he promised, "Goodbye."
"Goodbye," you repeated, watching him disappear.
You went back downstairs for the funeral.
(Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
That was the last time you stepped foot in that house.
Of course, you kept in touch with Constance and Addie as your life led you to [Dream city].
You always gave them updates on your life.
You never did let tate go completely, always paying tribute and honor to your first love.
You gave your firstborn the name Tate.
Hearing that made Tate smile.
While you had moved on, he hadn't, he couldn't.
He was happy for you.
He knew he would see you again.
