You were a SHIELD agent, forced to partner with Deadpool.
"Just this once," Maria Hill told you, "I'd do it myself, but honestly, I don't want to."
That's how you got stuck with the job.
It was supposed to be a simple recon mission.
Instead, Deadpool decided it'd be a lot more fun to alarm every guard in the building that you were there.
He burst through the front door shouting, "The party has arrived!"
You had just managed to sneak into the building through the back before the chaos had erupted.
Deadpool had grabbed you as you were running to the main hallway.
"Bad idea," he said, leading you upstairs.
"Mine or yours?" you asked through gritted teeth.
You stopped running to shoot down two guards that were following you and Deadpool sliced another waiting in your path.
"Let's settle on both," he said, wrapping an arm around your waist and forcing you up the stairs.
"Damn you, Hill," you muttered.
You noticed more guards pooling up the staircase.
They had stopped to accessorize.
"Shit," you cursed.
"What?" Deadpool questioned.
You tackled him to take cover behind one of the walls.
Bullets broke through the walls and launched themselves over your heads.
"Semi-automatics," you huffed.
You noticed an open bedroom at the end of the corridor.
You noticed that all the doors were opened.
"Get to that room," you pointed ahead to the one at the end.
"What about you? My little voice is saying to stay with you," he said.
"Yeah, well, tell your little voice that I'll be right behind you," you said.
"But-," he began to argue.
"Go," you pushed.
Deadpool ran ahead to the bedroom.
You ran and started closing all the doors.
They would check them all, or so you hoped.
Just as you made it into the bedroom, you heard the guards kick in the first door.
"They'll be here any minute," Deadpool said.
You looked around the room.
There was only a bed, a few other necessities, and a window.
You looked at Deadpool's belt to notice explosives.
"What do we need the information for?" you asked.
"To keep it out of enemy hands, but I was just going to keep it," Deadpool blurted out, "Why did I just say that?"
"I have an idea," you said.
"An idea or a plan? Huge difference," Deadpool said.
"A plan," you said, rolling your eyes.
You went to take Deadpool's belt off of him.
Deadpool grabbed your arms and pulled you close to his chest.
"Whoa, buy me dinner first. I am a lady!" he said.
You growled and took the belt off, pulling your arms away.
"I need this, dumbass," you hissed.
You took the dental floss from the nightstand.
You tied a piece around the belt.
You removed the panelling on the floor and lowered it to the center of the room beneath you.
You then tied one end of a new piece around the knob and every detonator to the same piece.
When the door opened, it would pull off the detonators and blow everything up.
"Here's the crazy part," you said, "Get on the mattress."
"Is this the sex part?" he questioned.
"We are NOT having sex! Just get on the damned mattress!" you ordered.
Deadpool raised his hands up in surrender.
You positioned the bed so it would roll.
"When it crashes into the wall, the mattress will slip off and crash through the window with us on it," you explained.
Deadpool stood and pushed you onto the mattress.
"I'll push," he said, "Stronger, and I don't die."
"Works for me," you shrugged.
You bother heard the footsteps get closer.
"Are you sure this will work?" he asked.
"I'm, like, 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, or most likely I will, but honestly it's a really solid plan," You said quickly.
"I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one," he chuckled, "I'm going to keep you Agent Y/L/N."
The door began to creak.
Deadpool pushed.
As the mattress crashed out of the window, he jumped on and wrapped you in his embrace, pinning you to the mattress.
The mattress slammed onto the concrete as the building erupted into flames.
You both rolled onto the concrete.
Deadpool rolled on top of you.
"Drinks?" he asked.
"Sounds good."
