Finding the Courage to Fly ( A Sleeping with Sirens And Other Bands Fan fiction)

Chapter 41

So things have been going great. Me and Shay are doing great and me and Alan are still really good friends. I still go to band practices woth him and I go to all of his concerts. Speaking of concerts I am going to one of his today. Shat never goes because he says he is busy or something. But whatever. Right now i am deciding what to wear.

I decided on my black cuttoff Shirt with Austin's face on the front and the band name under his face, my black Calvin Klein sports bra, some black skinnies that have rips from the bottom to almost the top of my thigh, some regular black on black low top converse, some OM&M gauges, and a black flatbill that I turned around. I didn't put much effort into my make up. Just a simple wing and a bit of foundation. I put in my new lip piercing that is on the rightside on my bottom lip. And my black double piercing. I ditched the dimple piercings. Well at least for now.

I recently got some tattoos. One on my left side that lookd like it's tearing my skin openand revealing my insides which look robotic. It symbolizes how sometimes I just feel like a machine. Unable to feel anything. Even now. I also have a rose on my necknto symbolize the forst time me and Alan had our first anniversary and he got me roses. I have the nose and mouth of a skull on my right hand.

I got ready and straightened my hair. I re-dyed it. It's black and gray ombre.

I grabbed my phone and a jorn honked which signals Alan is here. I grabbed my phone and walked out to the living room where Shay was on the couch writing something.

" Love you. I'll be back tonight " I said as I kissed him on the cheek.

" okay. Love you too " he mumbled.

I rolled my eyes ans let out a sigh as I slammed the door shut behind me.

I walked to Alan's car and got in the passenger side and shut the door.

" Hey you okay " he asked as he started the car.

" yeah I am perfectly fine " I said trying my best to fake it.

" Cut the shit Carter I know your lying to me " he said calmly.

" okay so I'm not in the best place right now. Me and Shay are great I guess I don't know. I just. I miss you Alan. You were there for me when me and Justin broke up and every time after that. When my sister got putnin a mental hospital. When I was having problems figuring out who I wanted to be with you were there everytime. I guess I'm just not used to not having you around. You made me happy. Listened to all of my bullshit. And I missed that " I gushed and looked down.

Keeping his eyes on the road he said " I thought you were over me. I missed you too Carter. Like crazy. Ask Austin because I know I wouldn't shut up about you. It took everything in me not to kill Shay when he did that to you. When Justin did that you broke things off but when he does it it's okay. He was toying with your feelings and you just let it happen " he said and shut his mouth before he could say anything else.

He sighed and parked in the venue and put his head on the steering wheel while gripping it.

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off on you " he said.

" It's fine. I deserved it " I said quietly.

He shot his head up and looked at me straight in the eyes.

" what happened to you " he asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

" you are not the same Carter I used to know. You would never take your piercings out and you would NEVER dye your hair such a dull color. You are so quiet now and not temperamental like you used to be. You don't sing along to music anymore. And worst of all.....your not honest with me. Like you used to be. "