Chenford - more depth

Chapter 101

Tim's pov
No response.
"Lucy babe, talk to me" I say desperately as I knock on the door again.
I listen to see if I can hear but I can't hear a single sound other than her sniffling.
"Okay you don't have to talk to me, just let me in. I want to see you Lucy."
Nothing.
"I'm sorry that they did that to you, you should have used your code word and I would have got them out sooner. I know I tried but if you needed me to then they would have gone."
Nothing.
"I'm proud of you Lucy."

I can't believe everything that they have just done and said. I mean I knew they were horrible and the things they did were horrific, but I never saw the videos. I couldn't. But seeing them act like that to her, it broke my heart. I don't know how she kept it so calm, it seemed like this was normal to her. She was more put off when I stood in front of her. Almost like she wasn't used to someone protecting her.

"Let me in right now Lucy or I will break the door down. Just let me know you're okay...please" I feel my heart racing, something feels off. I don't know how to explain it other than this gut feeling in my stomach that something is wrong.
I need to get in there. I need to see her.

Lucy's pov
I take the blade into my left hand placing it against my right wrist. Pressing firmly down and across. Multiple times.
Watching the lines go white to then to dripping with blood. It stings at first, a dull sting but it intensifies. The blood trickles down my arm. I drop the blade.
My head rolls back against the bathroom door. I close my eyes for a second, my eyes squinting from the pain.
I can hear Tim.
He says that he's proud of me but how could he be? All I've done is fail him like I do everything and everyone else.
He is one person I never ever wanted to fail or to hurt.
He starts aggressively knocking on the door, I open my eyes and look down. I notice all the blood.
Shit.

"Tim I'm fine. I'm going to have a shower okay?" I say softly, still sniffling.
"Let me in please. Then I'll leave you to it. I just need to see you" he says.
"You can see me after. I just need to shower" I reply back instantly.
"No you don't Lucy. You showered this morning when I forced you to go get one. Now let me in"
Fuck.
I slowly stand up, I shove the blade into my pocket. I roll my sleeves down, and then I grab some toilet roll as I quickly wipe the floor.
I feel sick.
I unlock the bathroom door and I step back letting Tim walk in.
My hearts racing, I can't look at him. I just keep staring down at the floor.

Tim's pov
I hear the door unlock, I gently open the door.
She's stood there, her head hanging low, her eyes are puffy. A red hand print mark across her face, her hands fidgeting together nervously.
"Babe?" I say softly as I try take a hold of her hand but she pulls back. "hey" I pull her in towards me as I hug her. I wrap my arms around her, moving one hand onto the back of her head. Gently stroking her hair.
She immediately bursts into tears, her breathing is almost like she is gasping for air.
"Breathe baby" I say softly as I lift her head up to look at me. "deep breaths babe"
"I'm fine Tim" she mutters softly as she tries to pull back but I keep firmly holding her close to my body.
"Tim just let me shower, let go...please" she mutters softly.
"No babe. I'm not letting you go till you can regulate your breathing...Luce ...."
"Let go" she says a little bit louder, I still keep a tight hold of her. I need her to calm down, I can't just leave her like this. "Tim I mean it. Get off me" she almost shouts as she pushes herself off my body, almost falling backwards. She stables herself and then looks at me.
"Did...your mum...do that.." I ask her nervously.
"Do what?" She looks at me confused, but almost panicky.

Lucy's pov
Shit.
He can't know.  And if he did why would he think my mum did that.
"Your face? Did she slap you?" He says looking at intently.
"Oh..yeah she did..but erm it's fine" I say trying to keep calm, my wrist is hurting. I need him to go.
"Lucy that is not fine. Why didn't you say something? I could have arrested her." He says almost frustratedly.
"She's done worse! It's nothing and what good would that do?! It wouldn't change anything."
"That's not the point Lucy, she still hurt you. So you're not going to prosecute I'm guessing?"
"Tim just leave me alone tonight, I don't have the energy for this. I'm gonna have a bath and then go to bed. I think you should go to work, or go see Angela or something"
I step backwards from him, fidgeting with my hands in my sleeves.
"I'm not leaving you. Remember at the hospital when I told you about star. I made a promise to you that no matter how much you told me to go, that I wasn't going anywhere. I'm not making that same mistake I made when you pushed me out of your apartment"
"Please. I understand you made that promise but I genuinely just need space. I need to be alone right now. Just go" I say softly.
"Will you be okay?" He asks me.
"Yeah I'll be fine" I say reassuringly.

Tim's pov
I know she's not being truthful and that she's not okay. But she's made it clear that she needs to be alone multiple times, even when I tried to ground her she still resisted. Normally when I ground her no matter how she is, it's always worked eventually. The last time being when we had the argument the day we found out she wasn't pregnant. I mean admittedly I wasn't fully truthful with her that day, and I feel awful for it.
I can't push her, today was a big day and what her parents did to her in general made me feel sick. But to see how they treated her with my own eyes, it genuinely infuriated me and made me feel sick. The fact I had to stand in front of her to protect her as she just froze. That woman has stood up to some insane criminals completely fine, the last two under cover operations she's been incredible. So for her to freeze, I can't imagie how she felt. I didn't care about that they said about me or to me but I hated seeing her being treat that way.

"You'll call me if you need anything at all? I'll be a couple of hours?"
"I'll be fine" she replies back.
"Lucy"
"Fine I will okay. Now just go" she says gesturing me to leave the house.
I lean forward to kiss her on the lips and for a split second she leans back, almost flinching but she allows me kiss her. Gently kissing me back. I try not to bring attention to it.
"I love you Lucy"
"Love you too" she replies, she has never said it that way before. I look at her confused for a second but she just kisses me again. I smile at her and I turn to leave the house. I put my shoes and coat on grabbing my keys. I hear the bathroom door immediately shut. I walk out and I immediate ring Angela as I walk towards the car.

Lucy's pov
The second he leaves the bathroom I shut the door, locking it. I hear the front door eventually shut and lock.
And I just breathe out deeply.
I feel my eyes watering, I feel sick. I'm so tired, I just keep going over and over in my head everything my mum has said to me.  About how I fail at everything, how I'm a disappointment, how Tim will leave me, the fact she's coming back for me. I want it all to stop. I don't want to keep failing Tim. I want to be enough for him. I just want to be happy.