Chenford - more depth

Chapter 54

Lucy's pov
I can't breathe, I can't do this. Every time I closed my eyes I could I just see them photos and videos again. I remember at the time thinking it was normal and I thought I looked fine. How could..
"Lucy breathe. Please, you need to take deep breaths in" Tim says increasingly more worried as he doesn't understand where this is coming from, and she normally calms down when he grounds her like this. I take a deep breath in and out.
"Baby what's going on" he says as he takes hold of my face gently to make me look at him.
"Nothing, just a nightmare then I think I've got a sickness bug. I've got the day off anyways so it's fine. No one needs to know" I say but I'm mumbling kind of because I'm still so worked up, still shaking.
"Lucy.. we said we wouldn't lie to each other, you're lying to me" he says as he looks at me.
"What?" I say getting panicked thinking he knows something.
"You got out of bed 20 minutes ago, you ran into the bathroom from the spare room. Something has spooked you, or something's going on. You're not even calming down when I'm grounding you." He says stroking my hair.
"It was just cooler in there that's all, I'm fine don't worry" i say faking a smile.
"Is it the operation you was on? If it was and you don't want to tell me because you think I'll be mad or say told you so about it, I won't. I just want to be there for you. But you need to let me in." He says hoping that she gives in.
"That operation was standard, it wasn't that. Look I had a nightmare, I felt sick so I went into the spare room as it's cooler. Then I came in here and threw up. I'm tired and the antibiotics are in my system. It's probably just a mixture of everything." I say trying to reassure him but I feel his grip around me getting tighter.
"Okay but I'm staying home with you, I'll let Grey know I need a personal day" he says.
"No you can't do that, you can't not go in every time I'm poorly. I'm not a child" i say as I pull away and lean back over the toilet throwing up again as saying the word child made me think of the photos I'd just seen.
He immediately starts rubbing my back and holding my hair again. "I'm not saying you're a child. Lucy, a partner helps their partner if they're ill. In sickness and in health" he says trying to push to let him stay home so he can try and determine what's actually going on.
I put my head back, and arms around my stomach as it hurts so much from throwing up this black thick stuff. "Well we aren't married so that doesn't count. And I'm fine. If I need you I'll call you. Now can we go back to bed" i say trying to keep my calm. I need him to drop this. I need him to not find out about this as I need to do this last operation then I'll see how I feel and if it's worth telling him.
"We will be married one day, i meant it when I said I see my future with you. But fine I mean it, you need any little thing you call. I'm carrying you to bed and you don't leave till the morning" he says as he takes his arms under me and carries me into the bedroom and lays me in bed.
I smile a little at the comment he said about being married one day.
He climbs into bed and cuddles in to me. I just lay there, scared to close my eyes, scared to even think. I lay there for hours, I finally hear Tim's alarm going off. I sit up and he looks at me.
"Normally you're still asleep and you're whiny" he says chuckling.
"Funny" I say trying to force this fake smile and laugh. "Don't be late" i say to him and as he gets out of bed and gets dressed.
"I won't. Any little thing you call me? That's an order" he says he kisses me on the forehead.
"Hmm but you're not my TO or in my chain of command" i say smirking.
"Whatever you say miss capable. I mean it" he says he kisses me on the lip and heads towards the door. "I love you Lucy" he says.
"I love you too" I shout back as he leaves.
And breathe.

Tim's pov
I walk out and I get into the van. As I'm driving to the station all i keep going over is the way she looked when I walked into that bathroom. Id not seen her like that, I know somethings going on but with what Angela told me about pushing her too far I can't risk loosing her. Not again.
I walk into the station and I see Angela, and Nyla stood together. I walk over.
"Hey" they both say.
"Ange can you come in my office" i say and give her the look of something's wrong. She knows the look instantly.
"Of course" she says and we walk into my office.
"What is it? Did she say something?" Angela says as she sits down.
"No she didn't but she was distracted by that laptop for ages. Till 12:30m, I brought her to bed and I woke up to her sneaking out of the bed. Now I didn't let her know I was awake but I saw her. I didn't think anything of it too much as maybe she was going to get a drink or something. She seemed okay before bed. Not the best but she wasn't bad." I say looking at the floor.
"Right. What is it Tim?" She asks but I'm just going over and over everything. I don't even hear what she said.
"Hey whatever it is we can work through it. Talk to me" angels says as she puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Sorry.. she ran into the bathroom and I mean ran. I walked into the bathroom as I heard her running plus Kojo barking and scratching at the door. My heart sinks. She's leaning over the toilet throwing up this thick black stuff again, her whole body is shaking, she can't breathe, she's drip white. It's like she's seen a ghost. I hold her hair and rub her back. She eventually stops throwing up, i ground her like I always do but she's not calming down. I manage to get her to breathe slower but she's still not right. She tells me that it was just a nightmare and she has a bug. I said that we promised we wouldn't lie to each other, that I know she was in the spare room for 20 minutes before she went to the bathroom, that she wasn't calming down. She claims that she had a nightmare and felt sick so she went in there as it's cooler." I say as I take a deep breathe in.
"That she was tired as well as the antibiotics in her system. I knew she didn't have a nightmare because I sleep lightly id have known. I knew when she had one before. I ask her if it's about the operation and that if it is I won't be mad. She says it was standard that she's fine. I say I'm staying  at home and taking a personal day. She wouldn't let me. She starts throwing up again. Eventually I take her to bed, she makes a few little jokes but I know she does that to throw me off. She made out like she woke up when the alarm went off but I think she was awake all night. Every morning I always have to wake her and she's all whiny. Something's wrong" i say.
"I shouldn't have left her" i say panicking.
"Tim shh, it's okay. Look it doesn't seem good whatever it is but we know we can't push her. If it is to do with her childhood we need to know before the operation but there's an issue with that" Angela says looking at me.
"What issue?!" I snap getting worried.
"Tim calm. Look the date of the operation is the 2nd of November at 2pm. Which is next week. The date of Chris going to court? 2nd November 10:30am."
Angela says.
"Fuck. We're going to have to cancel the operation aren't we?" I say kind of relieved that she won't have to go into this operation.
"Tim don't daft you know Lucy won't just not do the operation. She's going to want to do both. But if she's in a bad way now, what is she going to be like next week?" Angela asks slightly worried.
"Then we make Grey aware and then she can't do it" i say firmly.
"Tim, if she can assure them she's stable they'll let her do it. She's stubborn and she's very persuasive. Look let's not get too ahead of ourselves. Let's just see how she gets on this next week okay?" Angela says.
"Right yeah okay" i reply.