Chenford - more depth

Chapter 68

Tims pov
After what feels like eternity waiting I see Angela walking towards us, she has this look on her face. The look of her trying to work out how to say this, I've seen this look before and I don't like it. Not one bit.
"What is it Ange? Just tell me it straight up. I'm loosing my mind here" i say worriedly.
"Look Tim I can't say because I don't know. Get in the car we're going to yours, Grey is meeting us there" she says.
"That's not a good sign. What's going on?!" I snap at her.
"Tim I'll explain in the car just go" she says and we get in the car.
I get in the car, I don't like this one bit. Something's not right.
"Is she alive?" I ask her.
"Tim.. just give me a second and I'll explain everything" she says as her and Wesley gets into the car.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to.. I'm just worried Ange" I say feeling awful at the way I've just snapped at her, I know it's not her fault and she's trying to help I'm just so scared.
"I know Tim, look I am too. I got there and asked to see her" she says she starts driving to mine. "We knock on her door, no reply. I tell her it's me, again no reply so we go in. The bag is still there, she isn't. Her hospital gown was folded up, the clothes I packed were gone, her IV was out." She says.
"Right. Was she taken? Did you check cameras? Have you given a description to the officers working? The cameras outside the hospital?" I ramble as I go through every possible situation.
"No I don't think she was taken, she gave no warning signs to the cameras on the way out. I checked the ones inside and out. She walked with her head up. I've given a description to Grey and the officers working. She might have gone home. Realised she didn't have her phone but wanted to go home because she maybe didn't feel safe or whatever it may be" Angela says reassuringly.
"If she was at home she'd have been able to use her phone to let us know" i say panicking.
"Maybe but she could have fallen asleep. She's been through a lot. Let's just get there and go from there."
Angela says as are around the corner from home.
"Yeah she's right Tim. Let's just see what happens we get here, she might be asleep in the bed. Grey will be here in a second too" Wesley says.
As soon as Angela pulls up, I jump out of the car and I see Grey.
"Tim!" He shouts.
"Grey what's going on? Do we know anything?" I ask him as Angela comes and stands next to me.
"I mean a neighbour called us about 5 minutes ago, said that the dog was continually barking from around 8:45pm till around 10 minutes ago then it was completely silent" he says.
"Lucy is here. He goes like that when there's something wrong with her. Come on" i say as I open the front door. We all walk in.
Kojo immediately greets me and then he sits by the spare bedroom that's closed.
"Lucy?" I say as I walk around checking the bathroom, the bedroom, the living room. Nothing.
"She's not here Grey, she's not here" i say panicking.
I don't get it. I don't get where she's gone or why. Or why she's so scared.
"Okay okay, has she been here? Has anything moved?" Grey asks.
"I don't know.. I'll look." I say as I walk into the bedroom and notice her ultrasound photo is gone, her phones there next to the Polaroid camera. I walk back out and look at Angela.
"She's been here, her ultrasound photo is gone. Her phones there so we can't track her.. I don't understand. I don't get any of this" I say I can feel myself getting worked up.
"Okay so we've just missed her, Tim we have to stay calm and stay in game. Remember Lucy is a cop she's going to be one step ahead. She knows our plan" grey says.
"Tim what would Lucy say to you right now?" Angela says.
"Use my cop eyes and brain" I say chuckling as i can literally hear her saying it and then realisation kicks in that she's gone.
"There's blood..Angela" i say panicking as I look at the floor near where Kojos treats are.
"Shit" Angela says.
I look down and see it's just patch of it and it stops so I can't follow it. That's got to be her blood but where from.
"You don't think.." I say looking at Angela and grey. I thought we'd got through her self harm, I mean I know you can relapse and everything but she'd tell me. I mean she didn't tell me about her making herself be sick. What if she is struggling.
"Tim focus" Angela says.
"Sorry.."
"Where would she go and I'll get officers looking in them areas?" Grey says.
"The beach, the erm.. bridge.. the river by newmillerdam park" i say.
"I'll get them on it" he says and he radios through for all available officers to look for missing Officer Chen and gave a description.
Kojo barks again.
"I know boy. I'm trying to find her.." I say and then it clicks.
"The spare bedroom!" I shout as I open the door and walk in. Angela and Grey follow behind. The windows open, there's a draft. I notice that her laptop is there, her notepad. But also a letter on top of the laptop and then the black little box.
I look at Angela.
"Tim please for once read the damn letter not having a repeat of last time" Grey chuckles.
"I've learned my lesson on that one" I say half smiling as I sit down on the bed.
I take the little black box off the letter, I open it and I see her promise ring in there.
My heart sinks.. this time I know it's not because she's going undercover.
I slowly open the letter, I don't know what to expect. I feel my leg shaking.
-Tim's reading out loud so that Grey and Angela can hear but kind of imagine it as Lucy writing it if that makes sense-
To Tim, I actually don't know how to start this one of but I also know you'll actually read it so I'm going to say what I need to say.
I know this doesn't make any sense to you, why after nearly dying I decided to up and go. It wasn't anything you've done. Tim don't feel any sense of guilt. As i know you too well, you'll be sat there now on the bed with your leg shaking. Take a deep breathe in, I'm here.
You've shown me what love is for the first time in my life, what it feels like to be safe.
I don't want to leave, I don't want to loose the chance of that family with you. But I have to do what's best for you, for everyone around us.
Things will come to light whether they have already or not I don't know. But I know they have started to. I don't know where I'm going but I need to protect you, I'm doing this because I love you Tim.
I always have and I always will.
When you find out the whole truth about what he said, please don't let them portray and paint me in your mind as someone that's weak, that's incapable. I want you to remember me as the one you fell in love with, the one you know too well, the one who gave you your own version of Tim tests back. Although mine were slightly better.
I'm not in danger, I'm not going to do anything to myself.
Don't let this stop you living your life, move on, be happy. Give that ring to someone who deserves it, someone that's pretty, someone that has that body, someone who isn't weak, someone who is good enough for you. Basically someone that isn't me.
I'll be forever proud of you. And I'm sorry i couldn't talk  to you about this and about what happened to me but I hope that one day you can understand where I was coming from and that you can forgive me.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love Lucy x