Chenford - more depth

Chapter 97

Tim's pov
"Ange what is it?" I say as we walk into my office.
"How's things with you and Lucy?"
"We're fine why?"
"She just seemed a little off this morning and so do you, she said something about her parents and then something along the lines of failing of happy news this morning for when her parents come?"
"Wait.. you're saying she wanted happy news this morning for when her parents come tomorrow?"
"Well she said for you so that you'd be happier tomorrow when they came."
"And that's why she's failing?"
"I think so but she seems closed off"
"Right okay thanks ange."
"And there's something going on with you, why are her parents coming tomorrow after they have threatened her with saying we will see her as weak little girl?"
"They was suppose to be coming over ages ago but things happened, and she wanted me to meet them well that's why she wanted me to at first but I don't know why now. Why after everything she has told me about them she would still want me to, and why she would even still let them control her"
"Tim how are they controlling her still?"
"She doesn't want to see them, she's scared Angela but she's more scared of them being suspicious that I'm aware of what happened. So she needs me to be calm tomorrow. I don't know if I can do that. I really don't. The anger I feel"
"Why isn't she pushing to get them prosecuted? And I know Tim but you have to. You have to."
"I don't know, we haven't spoken about it since that night when you came. I don't know how to bring it up because we have been in a good place, like a really good place recently. This morning.." I stop myself from saying it because clearly Lucy doesn't want her to know or she would have told her this morning, wait does that mean she thinks she's failing again.
I thought we'd worked through that.
"What about this morning?"
"Nothing, look I'm gonna head onto the streets I'll catch you later ange"
"Hey, whatever it is it will be okay" Angela says reassuringly.

Lucy's pov
I drive home after shift, I didn't see Tim at lunch. I have to drive home alone as we drove separately this morning. The whole parent thing tomorrow is playing on my mind, I don't know if I can do this but if they get suspicious.
If they get suspicious I don't know what they're capable of. 
Not only this but I'm sick of failing everyone, sick of failing myself but the worst part is I failed Tim. In every way I fail. I failed as a child, as a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, an officer, a mum, as a person. My own body even fails.
I walk into the house and I notice Tim is already home.
"Hey baby" I say smiling at him walking over towards him, i sit down cuddling into him, he wraps his arm around me.
"Hey beautiful, how was work?"
"It was okay, how was yours" i say as he kisses me on the cheek.
"Yeah same as usual, are you okay?"
"Yeah why?"
"I mean after this morning lucy?"
"Yeah just nervous about tomorrow, I need you to be calm, I need you to handle it. I can't risk them being suspicious. I know I'm asking a lot for on you, I know that"
"Babe I just don't understand why you want to see them after everything they have done to you and are still doing"
"Babe because if I don't they'll get suspicious and I.."I stop myself from saying it and he just looks at me intently.
"You what babe, whatever it is I'll help you"
"I'm scared.. if they get suspicious I have no idea what they're fully capable of and if they can do that to me as a child.. what more can they do? I mean it'll ruin any chance of prosecuting.. if I ever decide that.. and the fact they made the website on my mums baby shower with me. Like what.."
He looks at me with this shocked look on his face.

He pulls back.
"Lucy.. you didn't tell me they made it then.."
"I mean.. it's not a big deal.."
"Its not a big deal? Lucy they made a website the day of your mums babyshower with you. A website where they posted videos and photos of you being beaten, starved, molested, groomed, forced into sexual activities as a child! Of course it's a big deal!!" He says almost shouting at me.
I don't say anything at first, I just take a deep breathe in and out.
"I'm aware of what they did Tim!" I snap back at him "IT WAS ME THAT IT HAPPENED TO!!"
"I know that Lucy.. but what else aren't you telling me? It took you how ever long to tell me about your childhood, Chris.. now this.."
"Because it happened to me. You told me it's my childhood and you wasn't going to force to me talk about it, you seemed to understand it was me that it happened to. That it's my life. I'm sorry that I don't tell you every single thought I have! Because quite frankly you wouldn't like half of them!" I snap at him and I stand up.
"I thought we was being honest with each other now.. yet there still seems to be more your hiding.. and what thoughts are they Lucy? You want to break up? You don't love me? What? You want to run away again and give up on us? You want to kill your self? You want to cut? You don't want a family? What is it Lucy?! You're too self centred!! Do you not understand that you're hurting others around you when you do this stuff!"
I feel my heart just break, I've never seen this side of him. Does he really think that of me. Everything I ever did was to protect him. He's the only person in the world that I've told about what happened to me, the one I wanted to spend my life with.
I feel my eyes glaze over, my throat goes dry.
"I.." i bite my tongue and I just try and process what he has just said and what to even reply back to that, it's like he doesn't even know me.

"What is it Lucy? They're all true? Hm" he says looking directly at me.
"I'm not hiding anything."
"It sure seems like it Lucy, the way you reacted this morning about the negative test, the way you took so long to tell me stuff. It's like I'm failing you as you don't trust me clearly"
"Wow..you have no idea what failing is.. you have no idea how much I fucking trust you Tim" i snap at him and i walk into the bathroom.