Chenford - more depth

Chapter 19

Lucy's pov
I hear what he's saying but I don't... I'm either gonna be a failure at labour and delivery or I'm gonna fail this whole pregnancy, these next few weeks I'm just suppose to sit here and wait to see if I loose this baby. This baby.. Chris baby.. what if I manage to carry to term and then he wants visitation or worse.. they'll use my mental health against me and he will get custody right...
"Tim Angela. Can you give me some space..just go home please.." I can't sit here with them both looking at me like this, seeing me like this.. I'm scared..
"Lucy I've just told you I'm going no where, I'm not leaving you not like this.." Tim says trying to hold my hand as I pull away.
I can feel my eyes filling up.. I know he's trying to be there for me but he can't fix this.. he can't save me from this...
"Tim please.." I look at Angela. "Ange.." my voice breaks..
"Look we will stand outside the room, we will give you a few minutes but the second you need anything you call us back in" Angela says gesturing Tim to move.
"Ange i can't leave her.." I hear Tim saying. I feel bad because I can see how much he's hurting and blaming himself.
"Tim.. none of this is your fault.. I don't blame you I promise, I just need a minute and then you can come lay back here.." I say smiling at him and patting the bed.
"You call if you need us for anything I mean it Lucy" he says with his TO voice and he walks out with Angela.
The second that door closes my eyes burst into tears..I grip on my stomach. "I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry I failed you..." I look at the scan photo. "You don't deserve this.." I feel myself chocking up on my tears.. I try to desensitise myself to this situation, like i would if I was an officer right now in a call. Come on Lucy, you did undercover. You know how to desensitise yourself from things. I shouldn't even be attached most women don't find out this early, I try and tell myself getting frustrated at how I'm handling this. I lay onto my side, one hand holding my stomach, the other holding the photo. With tears rolling down my cheeks.

Tim's pov
I've walked out of the room, and I just want to run back in there and cradle her, Angela has got her foot in front of the door. Sometimes I regret her knowing me as well as she does, she's a good friend and I know that. I turn looking into the window and I can see her tiny fragile body, laid on her side holding the photo and her stomach, the tears rolling down from her big brown eyes, down her soft pale cheeks. "Ange.." I say with tears forming but I also just want to punch something, I feel this huge sense of anger because I can't fix this, I can't help her in the way I want to.
"Tim.. she needed to know, it's hard for her now but she does appreciate us telling her.." she says with her hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me. I know she's right, she'd never forgive us if we didn't tell her. "I'm gonna go splash my face with some water ange, can you go talk to her please. I can't bear seeing her like this." I say as I walk off to the bathroom. The minute I walk in and notice no one else is around, I punch the wall twice with force, my knuckles immediately going pale. "Fuck" i shout before sliding down the wall, my eyes streaming with tears.

Angela's pov
I see Tim leave, I know he's not in a good way, he's finding this so hard. I look towards Lucy seeing her lay like this, I can't imagine how she's feeling. To be told she was forced into this pregnancy, if the pregnancy survives her labour will be almost impossible, but the most likely outcome is she will miscarry in the next few weeks. A miscarriage is hard and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but to be told any time from now to in a couple of weeks you'll loose your baby. I don't even know what I would be doing right now.. how do i even comfort her through this. I slowly open the door and walk In.
"Lucy it's me, it's just Angela. Why don't we have a chat before Tim comes back, a girl chat" I say as i walk towards the chair next to her.
"Oh yeah because you've been forced into a pregnancy then told if your baby survives through the pregnancy that delivery will be almost impossible but it's fine because the most likely outcome is you'll have a miscarriage in the next few weeks?!" Lucy shouts at me. I'm took back because I've never seen her shout like this but I also understand where she's coming from. She's right I have no idea..
"No Lucy I haven't, I have no idea what you're going through but that isn't going to stop me or Tim or anyone you want from being there for you. We care about you" i say as i sit down.
She breaks into tears. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to.. I didn't mean to shout.. please don't give me consequences.." she pleads.
"Lucy hey, Chris isn't here. There's no consequences. You're safe. You're feelings are valid, you can shout at me, cry at me do whatever you need to process this. None of us will take it personally." I say hoping to calm her down slightly.
"This isn't how I wanted things, my first pregnancy.. I wanted it to be a joyous moment.." lucy says to me. I can hear her voice breaking.

Lucy's pov
I can feel my voice breaking, "I wanted to be excited, to plan my pregnancy, to get pregnant. Make it a really cute surprise for my partner, to then walk into the hospital holding hands. For the day to feel like a dream, laying on this bed, having the scan done. Hearing that precious heartbeat, holding my partners hand then looking at each other when we finally hear the heartbeat and we know it's real..but this.. this is like a nightmare" I say..
"I know Lucy, this isn't how things are suppose to be and I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy, but would you like to know something? Now Tim may or may not kill me for this but I think it'll cheer you up?" Angela says.
"Obviously if it's about Tim and he will get all Tim like" I giggle while somehow simultaneously still crying.
"So after the scan we was talking about how to tell you when you came around, he then let it to slip to me that he wishes it was his baby.." Angela says smiling.
Did I just hear her right? Or am I still in this induced coma. No way he would have said that. Tim Bradford. The Tim Bradford. The hard ass TO Tim bradford. Wishes I was carrying his child.
I burst in to this huge giggle.
"Surely not" I say looking at Angela but I can tell she's being deadly serious.
"Honestly Lucy I knew he had feelings for you but Lucy he's never admitted he's actively thought about having children with someone. I know he wanted children but his ex's either didn't want them or he never discussed it with them for whatever reason. He told me how he imagined it would be to come here, you to be all excited and to lay there. They'd scan your belly and he would be holding your hand, hearing that heart beat would make him feel like he was on top of the world" Angela says.
I hear what she's saying but it still doesn't feel real.
"I mean.." I start to say..
" wait did you wish it was his too?!" She squeals with excitement.
" Angela behave he's back" i say as I see him walking towards the room. He walks in.
"Erm what's going on here" he asks.
Me and Angela just giggle.