Chenford - more depth

Chapter 18

Lucy's pov
My heads laying on Tim's chest, he's stroking my hair and I can feel myself calming down.. no one has ever been able to do that. The sound of his heart beat was just relaxing  and it genuinely made me feel so safe. But of course there was a hundred and one thoughts running through my head.
I'm pregnant?
It's Chris? He's gonna use that against me?
Can I really do this?
No I can't do an abortion?
Adoption?
What if this ruins everything with Tim?
If id died id have killed me and this baby.
I wish I wasn't pregnant by him.
This isn't how it's suppose to be..
"Shh Lucy it's okay" I hear Tim saying over before he says "there's something else.." I hear him saying in that worried tone of his. It's not often he uses it but I can hear it a mile off.
What does he mean something else, what else could there be possibly be. I'm sick of this. I don't know if I can handle it.
"We will be here for you Lucy whatever happens" I hear Angela say as she brings her chair round to the side of me. I immediately sit up.
"What more could these possibly be?" I say worried.

Tim's pov
Fuck. I'm actually going to have to tell her, I saw how just telling her she's pregnant by him made her feel, and the way he did it. But now to tell her this next part... I just want to go back into that bubble and live in it for ever.
"So we explained to the doctor about how we knew you hadn't done any sexual inter course with him, which is how we discovered the way he got you pregnant..the doctor did an internal examination.. Lucy he had to, just to confirm what had happened... you was covered don't worry" I say to her, I mean it's the only reassurance I can give her right now is that she wasn't raped but she was forced to get pregnant but it's fine because she was covered when the doctor did the internal examination. It sounds ridiculous.
She just stares at me, it's like she knows there's more and there is.
"With.." is all I can get out. It feels like getting that phone call to tell you that someone you love has been hurt. I mean she has but this is different.
"Lucy, with your hymen being in tact, going full term and having to deliver the baby the Doctors aren't sure what impact that will have on your body. It would cause labour and delivery to be extremely difficult.." Angela says as she can tell I have no idea what to say or do at this point.

Lucy's pov
"So I can't even give birth right, great another thing I fail at. It's okay guys im used to failing at things now. It's like a super power" I say trying to giggle to make out like I'm joking but it's like someone stabbing me. I'm sick of failing at everything. My mind fails me, my body well my body fails me in so many ways, I failed my parents, grey when I quit, Tim.. I don't even know how many ways I've failed Tim.
Tim and Angela are dead silent, I can see them looking at each other.
"I was joking guys.. Tim" I get nothing.
"Tim what is it? I know your pulling back on something.. I can handle it. I just need to know" I say. I know it's a complete lie because I have no idea if I can handle whatever they've got to tell me.. but the unknowing of it all makes me feel like I'm suffocating.

Tim's pov
I didn't even realise me and Angela had just been staring at each other, we heard her trying to giggle through that joke. I know she was hurt but she was trying to pretend like it wasn't hurting her.
"Lucy it's okay.. I know.." I say to her holding her hand.
"Look with what I'm about to tell you..I need you to understand that what I'm going to tell you.. isn't your fault and whatever happens I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard you try to push me away, tell me to get out or swear at me" I say smiling at that last part because i remember when she kicked me out of her apartment when she got the message from Chris. Part me still feels guilty for not trying hard enough. When she was going through what he had done to her, I'm pretty sure that's the day he did what he did forcing her to become pregnant. And if I'd just pushed that bit harder and stayed maybe she wouldn't be in the situation that she's currently in. Or maybe I'd have made it worse if he'd seen me etc, or what if I'd left sooner and she'd changed out of her shorts like she was going to. Would that have stopped him or would it have made him rape her. A hundred different scenarios ran through my mind.  "Just say it tim" she says looking at me..
"Your body was struggling to keep you alive because of the pregnancy, and that's why we put you in the induced coma.. now the doctor has said there's a slight chance you'll make it to full term and deliver this baby.. even if it's a difficult labour and delivery. They aren't sure how your body would react though, but he believes that it's more likely that your body...will cause you to have a miscarriage because it's struggling and needs to keep you alive..and that you could miscarry in the next couple of weeks..Lucy I'm so sorry"  i take deep breathes but it's likes I can't breathe. Waiting on her response some of acknowledgment from her to know what she's thinking.. as much I want a response now from her because this is agonising I know she's trying to process. I mean we had all night to process and it's not even our body. But there is no way I'm leaving her. Not right now. I can't do that. I see Angela holding her other hand, and I can see that Angela is finding it hard. Angela will get it more than I do, she's a woman, she understands and she knows Lucy wanted a family and children.