Chenford - more depth

Chapter 88

Lucy's pov
The last two days have been amazing, we haven't done much but enjoy each others company thankfully he hasn't mentioned my parents since. Which i am actually grateful for.
Tims going back to work today, I know this because he's been in a panic about it all night worried that I won't be okay.
And also the fact he's currently trying to wake me up.
"Sleepyhead" he says as he kisses me on the forehead, I look at him rolling my eyes.
"Shh it's my day off" I say smiling at him.
"Mhm don't have too much fun without me" he chuckles.
"I won't don't worry" I smile and roll back over trying to go back to sleep. I'm just constantly tired, I think it's because I'm actually allowing my body to heal, I feel safe.
"Make sure you eat, you need anything then you ring me got it" he says in this voice that is a perfect mix of his TO voice and the loving boyfriend voice. It usually means that he's trying to really care and be protective.
"Yes sir and you be safe" i say smiling as I pull the blanket over my face.
"I love you"
"I love you too".
He leaves and then I just fall back asleep.

Tim's pov
"Tim is back in the building!" Angela shouts.
"Really?" I say rolling my eyes at her.
"Yes really now how is Lucy actually doing?"
She asks as I sit down next to her.
"You know I think she's doing okay, things seem better between us." I say smiling at the fact I may be getting her back.
"How so" she says with this smile on her face as in to say I know what you've been up to.
"Nothing like that, we've just been enjoying each others company, our relationship seems stronger than it was before."
"She spoken to you about her parents?"
"No, she briefly mentioned it the day after she came home as we was talking about how she doesn't need to apologise constantly. That I don't blame her, she said that she's scared that I won't love her anymore after she tells me, that she's scared she's going be a shit mum..it broke my heart ange.. she did say she will talk about it. But just that there's some things she needs to process still as she didn't know about half of it till now"
"Bless her man, whatever it is, it really has affected her.  Which is understandable after what Mateo mentioned. Just keep being there for her, and I'm sure she will tell you when she's ready. But she's making progress and that's good."
"Yeah it is, she's looking forward to having jack tomorrow you know?"
"Aw is she? You know she's the only one I trust to watch him other than you, he's missed her."
"It's all she has spoken about, I think it'll do her good. I admit when she had Lila, I was finding it hard seeing a baby not so long after Lucy's miscarriage, I don't know how she did it if I'm honest with you. I really don't"
"That baffled me too as to how she did that, maybe she never processed it. You have to admit she hasn't stopped, she just kept going and somehow kept getting more trauma. But maybe this rest will restart everything for her. You still wanting that family with her?"
"Yeah she did, and maybe. Angela I have never been so sure about anything, apart from knowing Lucy is the one. I just don't want to pressure her, she's scared about being a bad mum or having a miscarriage again."
"Maybe her having Jack tomorrow will help her with that feeling. Nothing is going to take that fear and feeling she has about a miscarriage. I've never been through one thankfully, but I can't imagine how or what that does to you. I was scared enough just being pregnant never mind that fear of going through your worst day again"
"Yeah I think her having Jack will help her a lot, and I know but how do I help her with that?"
"There isn't anything you can do, I'm afraid. You just have to be there for her. Pregnancy is hard and she will be all over the place but with everything else she's going to find it hard. But don't worry yourself about it till it happens. You'll know what to do when it comes to it"
"I hate feeling like I can't help"
"I know but she knows she has you"
"I hope so, and I better get to Metro, I'll see you at lunch"
"Yeah see you at lunch and don't forget my burrito"

Lucy's pov
I get up and have my shower, I'm currently stood in the kitchen staring endlessly at the cupboards.
I know I should eat, and I know Tim will ask me about it. I can't lie to him.
Every time I think about eating I just get these  thoughts about everything someone has ever said about my weight.
Luce.. the baby.. you want that with him..you need to be healthy.. you need to eat..
I grab an apple and i take a bite. All I do is picture the day when I find out I'm pregnant, the day of that first ultrasound.  
"You're fat" "you should put your fingers in your throat". 
It's like having a devil and an Angel on each shoulder, you know deep down who is right but it's conflicting when the devil is so convincing.
I eat a couple of bites and then I hear a knock at the door. It's a gentle knock.
I go to the door and I'm immediately greeted with this loving hug, then I hear this voice..