Billie- Dom
Jessie- Sub
TW: talks about body image/eating disorder
Jess
"Ooo baby look this would look so sexy on you." Billie said as she held up a black skintight dress, making me tense up.
"It's cute, but I don't think it's for me."
"What? Look at it mama your ass would look phenomenal in this shit. I'm getting it for you."
"Billie--"
"Ah. No buts, you're gonna look good in it and you're gonna wear it out tonight."
The dress was beautiful, and it definitely was for me.
3 years ago maybe.
But not now. I've got way too much stomach fat and rolls for a dress that tight. But Billie bought it for me anyway, continuing to tell me how good I would look in it tonight.
It was my birthday and we were supposed to be going out to celebrate but I honestly would rather just sit at home and watch TV than wear that dress out in front of Billie and all my friends.
When we got back home I stood in front of our full length mirror in my bra and underwear staring at my body. Sucking and pushing my stomach in to see if I could somehow look remotely good in that dress.
I wanted to go out more than anything, but I couldn't bare the thought of how my stomach would look, especially after eating.
Maybe I just won't eat. Or if I just keep sucking in my stomach it'll flatten out.
"Jessie what are you doing?"
Shit.
I turned to Billie who had just gotten out of the shower.
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me. What were you just doing?" She asks, throwing her clothes in the hamper
"Trying to flatten out my stomach." I said, my voice filled with shame
"Why?"
"So I look good in the dress you bought me."
"Baby you're gonna look good regardless. Why does it matter if your stomach is flat or not?"
I shrug. "Cause."
"Cause why? Come on, talk to me love."
"I just don't like the way it looks." I mumble.
"Is that the only reason?"
I paused for a moment, crossing my arms over my stomach. "Do you remember how I looked a few years ago? I was like 10-15 pounds lighter, I had abs and my stomach was..well my stomach was flat."
"Yeah well a few years ago you also had several eating disorders. What's your point?"
"My point is I miss how I used to look. When I could wear a tight outfit and not worry about my stomach or my side rolls. I miss when I was confident in my body and my appearance."
"Oh baby come here. Look at yourself. Look at this beautiful body of yours. This is body of someone who overcame all those eating disorders and fear of foods. This is the body of someone who listens to it when it tells you you're hungry. Baby this is the body of someone who is so healthy."
I started to tear up, on the verge of crying as I put my head down but Billie took my chin and lifted it back up.
"This is the body of someone who I happen to love with my everything. Okay? I love you, I love this body. I love this stomach, I love your little rolls, god baby your body is so gorgeous. Come here."
