Coder Girl /Dreamwastaken/

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After having to clean not one, but two houses with half-cramping, half-numb muscles, and realizing that there wasn't even a couch we could sit on, I turned to look at Clay.

"What do you think they're up to?" I suddenly remembered that George and Nick had a pretty busy schedule for today and we haven't called them once.

"I don't know, probably arguing in the pet store." He laughed, rinsing the dirty cloth and going back to scrubbing.

"The house is spotless, please stop, you're making me anxious." I wasn't as enthusiastic as him when it came to cleaning. Usually I only consider cleaning up when the house starts to look like a barn.

Clay looked around, stopping his scrubbing motions gradually, "Yeah, I think I got too carried away."

I was honestly so tired and out of energy yet it was only 4 in the afternoon. I'm positive that if there was a bed in here (or a couch), I would surely fall asleep in a heartbeat.

I was hungry too, even though we'd ordered food earlier. But I didn't want anything salty or oily.

I wanted chocolate. I needed chocolate.

"Will you buy me chocolate?" I pouted.

"Huh?" Clay laughed from how sudden and random my words sounded. And I wanted to cry cause he was laughing. What is wrong with me..

"Alright, alright, I'm going. Stop looking at me like that." He took the car keys and his purse from the countertop checking on me one more time before he'd leave, "Need anything else?"

I shook my head no, leaning against the wall as I sat on the one and only chair in the house. And it was small, wooden and hard. Uncomfortable as hell. I hate it.

My throat felt dry so I got up, poured myself a glass of water once Clay left and chugged it hungrily from how dehydrated I was. Then after a few minutes I went to the toilet because of it.

And at the end of it there was a surprise on the toilet paper.

Ah yes, of course, how could I forget.

My uterus decided to remind me that it's still functioning. Unfortunately.

I groaned, quickly unlocking my phone and calling Clay before it would be too late. Luckily he picked up almost immediately, and judging by the sounds of checking out, he was still at the store.

"What's up?" He spoke.

I huffed one more time, annoyed that I had to say it.

"I need tampons."

And he wasn't making it easy on me with his stupid wheezing. I don't know what's even funny about being a woman. If anything, it's a tragedy I didn't ask for.

"My dick went up to your uterus." And why did I think dating an actual manchild was a good idea.

"Aren't you at the store?" I was hoping no one heard him say that. But on the other hand, I don't care if they did. They can't see who's he talking to anyway.

"Yeah, I'm looking for the pussy corks."

I facepalmed, taking a deep breath not to lose it. And I didn't even know if I was about to laugh or have a mental breakdown. It's better to shut up.

But after a few seconds of complete silence, I gave in.

"Did you find them?" I asked, putting the toilet lid down and sitting on it as if it's a chair. At least the flow isn't heavy during the first few hours and I don't have to sit here with a naked ass.

"No, but I found a bathtub drain stopper. Will it work?" I just knew he was smiling at his own jokes from how idiotic his voice sounded.

"No, I think your dick's gonna work better, you can come back." I did my best to at least try to traumatize him, and I think it worked judging by his high-pitched "what".

I had to stay on the phone with him and explain to which isle he should go and what should he get. And when finally he reached the female hygiene products, this is what he had to say.

"Should I get the plugs or the diapers?"

I know it's from my period that I'm this easily triggered, but you can't tell me that he's not crossing the line. And just as I was about to calm myself down and answer nicely, he spoke again.

"Oh there's a funnel as well, do you want that?"

And it took me a second to understand that it's probably his definition of a menstrual cup. I don't even know if I love him or hate him right now.

"Get a pack of tampons. Please." At this point I didn't even care what brand he would get. I was just desperate to end the suffering.

I heard sounds of cardboard rubbing against each other and hoped he got something. Yet judging from his attempt of speaking again, I knew that something stupid was coming.

"What flavor do you want?"

Deep breaths.

I'll just go with it. I don't have enough patience to explain. I'm sure he thinks they're flavored. I'm sure he's that special. Surely he's not saying those things to annoy me.

"Just get the regular flavor, babe." I put on a fake smile even though he couldn't see it. But I believed that it made my voice sound nicer.

"Anything else?" He asked, and I thanked god that his idiotic remarks came to an end.

I had cravings but I had no idea what I craved if that makes sense. I just knew that I wanted chocolate and that's all that came to my mind. Yet I was sure that I wanted something else as well. I'm not sure though.

"No, just hurry before the volcano erupts." I shook my head.

And it took him a minute to understand what I was saying and laugh.

"Keep menstruating, love you!"

He hung up on that, not even waiting to hear me say it back. And it made me mad that he hung up without hearing what I had to say.

Yeah, I'm going crazy again.

As if the emotional distress wasn't enough, my lower abdomen started cramping badly all of a sudden. I knew that my flow was gonna get heavier from how intense the spasms were. Maybe I shouldn't have asked for the regular flavor afterall... I mean, size.

Fuck, I'm losing braincells now.

Luckily the store was close enough for him to get here under 5 minutes. And he knew where to find me as he came straight towards the bathroom. I'm glad I'm not sitting on the toilet naked, that would've been kind of embarrassing.

"There's my reproductive girl!" He'll never stop.

"Clay, I swear to god." I laughed, grabbing the pack and pushing him out of the door before closing and locking it.

Yet he spoke from behind the door, making me regret everything.

"Hey, I have a genuine question," he paused for a second, "do you get turned on when you push the cork in?"