You've Got it Bad

Eighty

Jade's POV

I have never felt so numb in my life. I'm so lost. I can hear people talking to me, but all I can make out are sounds. No words. Nothing makes since. Life doesn't even make sense to me anymore. I don't understand how anyone is still functioning.

Why is no one broken but me?

I've quickly learned that one of the saddest things about losing someone you love is that while your sky comes falling down around you, and it feels like your world is coming to an end, somehow everyone else's is still spinning.

No matter how dark and dead you feel inside, the sun still comes up and people are still doing their day to day routines.

Nothing stops.

There's no gloomy weather, no rain and dark clouds every day. The sun is beaming, and the birds are chirping. No one is crying but you. No one is affected but you. While you can't even pull yourself out of bed anymore, nothing stops for anyone else. The world isn't hurting. Only you.

I just can't wrap my head around that. So I go numb. I don't know how else to deal. I sit staring out of the window for who knows how long. That's all I've been doing for days. That's all I've been able to do. I haven't eaten. I haven't slept. I just sit and stare. Hoping that this is all a nightmare, and I'll wake up in her arms just like every other night and she'll hold me and comfort me like only she can.

Today as I sat, people passed by, said some things and then disappeared from my line of sight. I believe I had cried all of the tears that my broken body could produce, and now nothing but air came out. I couldn't even cry anymore. Not a tear. Not a word. Not a sound. I don't think I've spoken at all since then, either. I feel locked inside of myself.

I can feel someone next to me, leaning on my arm and gripping it tightly. I can only assume it's Jaden. I can't see him, though. He has to be crying because my arm feels wet through the sleeves of this very uncomfortable dress. This dress that I hate and want to burn, along with everything else that would remind me of this day.

My poor baby. I really wish I could hold him and comfort him, but I don't even know what that is anymore. Nothing has been comfortable since she left me.

He doesn't deserve any of this. He's too young to even understand that he lost both of his moms in one day. My baby is pretty much alone. Just like I was. Just like I swore he'd never be. And there isn't anything I can do about it. My promises mean shit. Look at where my love ended up. I can hardly even get out of bed anymore. I have no strength and no reason. She was my strength. She was my reason.

I know he needs me right now more than ever, and god I wish I could be there for him. I just don't know how. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to live after this. I don't know how to be in a world without her. Without her love. Without her smile. Without her eyes. God, her eyes. I wish I had spent just a little bit more time looking into them.

There's no one in this world who can love me like she did. She gave me every little bit of her heart and soul. And I gave her mine. You only find a love like that once in a lifetime. She was it for me.

I can feel someone touching my other arm, but I can't look away from the window. Then, I hear that someone speaking. A soft, quiet voice. I hear words here and there, but I still don't know how to put them together.

Say goodbye... The body...

They are referring to my baby, my love, my wife as 'the body'. If I had even an ounce of strength, I would choke the life out of whoever it was for disrespecting her like that.

Still, these were words that I'd never imagined hearing. Words that when used in any other scenario wouldn't have left me this broken, shattered, and scattered.