Shawn POV
It is incredibly difficult to watch the person you love, kiss someone else. Ever since our group of friends merged with Nash's group of friends, I've been getting closer to Taylor. We couldn't be more different, we were quite literally opposites.
I'm soft-spoken and generally a quiet guy. Taylor is loud and obnoxious but in a very endearing way, he's never mean or hurtful towards anyone. It's actually one of the main things I love about him. I'm very creative, I sit with my guitar and write songs, Taylor enjoys hitting the gym and working out. He's definitely athletic, he's the running back of the football team. He's aggressive and I'm not at all, he can be hot-headed at times. But he's never directed his anger at me.
I was drawn to him the first time I saw him sitting at the table laughing loudly at the antic of his friends. I quietly sat next to him, it was the only spot available. He turned to me and gave me a friendly smile.
"Hey... I didn't notice you there, I'm Taylor." He said and held out his hand. I shook it shyly and softly told him my name.
From that moment on I was infatuated with him. I wanted to spend all my time with him, I wrote songs about him. Of course I never told anyone that they were directed at Taylor. For whatever reason he actively pursued a friendship with me, we had barely anything in common but somehow we became close friends, best friends even.
I lean against my locker watching sadly as Taylor presses a girl against the locker and he kisses her. I don't even know her name, I doubt Taylor even knows her name. He goes from girl to girl, leaving a trail of heartbreak behind him. All the girls know this and for whatever reason they always believe that they're going to be the one that makes him change. I'm not even sure what Taylor is looking for, if he's even looking for anything at this point. Maybe he just wants to be unattached so he can enjoy his teenage years without the stress or drama that comes along with dating a girl.
The bell rings and I sighs softly. "Tay, let's go. We're going to be late for class."
It's literally the last week of school, Taylor and I made sure we took all of our classes together the 2nd semester, kind of like what Nash and Cameron did. I can't deny that I'm sometimes jealous of their relationship, of how in love they are and how they don't give a fuck what anyone says about them. They're not afraid of PDA or expressing their love in front of other people. I wish so desperately that that could be Taylor and I. But he's never shown any interest in males, everyone else has paired up. Jack and Jack are together, Matt and Carter are together as well and I just feel sad that the boy I love will never love me the way I love him.
Taylor finally pulls away from the girl, she has a dazed expression on her face, that's how he makes them all feel. Like they're the center of his universe when he gives them his full attention. He caresses her cheek gently and presses one final kiss on her lips.
"I'll see you later, beautiful." He smirks at her as he steps away and walks towards me. He never says their names, he doesn't want to accidentally call them the wrong name so he sticks to pet names like beautiful, baby girl, or sweetness. They think he's being sweet but he's just saving himself from having to deal with drama.
I'm quiet as we walk to class.
"Let's ditch," Taylor says suddenly and I look at him, surprised. I've never ditched class before.
"I don't know..." I say, unsure. It is the last day of school, our grades are already pretty much set in stone. It's the last class of the day, I'm tempted to say yes.
"Come on, Shawn you know you want to..." Taylor says, flashing me his panty-dropping smile. "We can go to my house, hang out in my room play some Xbox."
"Fine... I'll ditch with you," I decide abruptly so I don't change my mind. He celebrates and we run to his car, not wanting to get caught by anyone. Taylor's been picking me up and dropping me off at home for a while now, since we became best friends.
I'm comfortable in his car, I fiddle with the radio. He hates it when girls touch anything in his car but for whatever reason he never minds when I do. I want to think that makes me special but I doubt it's barely a blip on his radar.
We get to his house, he lives in a mansion definitely bigger than my own humble home. His parents aren't home but to be completely honest, they're rarely ever home. Taylor is basically raising himself, on the outside he makes it seem like he doesn't care but late at night when we're both awake and sharing our secrets, he confesses that it makes him sad, it makes him feel like his parents don't give a shit about him. They just throw money and presents at him and think that'll make up for their lack of presence in their home. They aren't even working, his father is a trust fund baby, they just travel a lot going from vacation to vacation. I've only ever met them once and that was during the holidays. I think they left right after that. Taylor told me they've been back home periodically but they never stay for long. It's just Taylor and the live in housekeeper.
He's so sweet to her it makes my heart melt, I can tell that Taylor genuinely loves her. She's been with them since he was a toddler and she always makes sure he's eating right, she does the things his mother should be doing.
I'm lost deep in my thoughts when I'm snapped out of them by Taylor waving his hand in my face. We've made it to his room and he's lying in bed, I lie down next to him.
"You've been pretty quiet, Shawn. Is everything okay?" He asks me softly, and I can see the genuine concern on his face. Taylor isn't always jokes and sarcasm, he has a soft side to him that he rarely shows to anyone. I'm so happy that I get to see it, it makes me fall deeper in love with him.
"Yeah I'm fine..." I tell him softly but he raises an eyebrow at me. He knows me so well, he can tell when I'm not telling the truth.
"Come on, Shawn... you know better than that." He admonishes me softly. My face turns red in embarrassment, gosh he affects me so much. We're so close right now, closer than we've ever been before. I can smell his cologne, I love his scent. Butterflies break out in my stomach, he makes me so freaking weak.
"I..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. I bite my lip softly as I think of what to tell Taylor. I don't want to confess my love for him, I know he's straight. He's never given me any indication that he's actually interested in me. He's kept a steady stream of girls since I met him. I don't want to ruin our friendship either. He's quite literally my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without him. I can't imagine myself spending the summer without his presence in my life or going through senior year without him.
My heart tightens with pain at the thought that I'll never be anything more than his best friend. I want so much more than that. I want to kiss him, I want to feel his lips against mine, I want him to call me his, I want him to look at me with that lust-filled gaze he gets when he's turned on. I want him to find me irresistible, I want him to call me his boyfriend. I want him to fall for me just as hard as I've fallen for him.
It seems impossible and sudden tears spring to my eyes and they fall before I can blink them back.
"Shawn?" He asks softly, he pulls me into his arms and lets me bury my face in his chest. This is actually the first time I've ever been in his arms. It's not quite how I imagined it but I'll take whatever I can get.
"Shawn, what's up? Talk to me, please." He pleads with me softly. My stomach flips at the tone of his voice, he really cares for me. He's worried about what's making me sad.
"Tell me what to do,Shawn. How can I help you? What can I do to make it better?" He asks me, I feel his fingers start to run up and down my spine as he comforts me. A shiver runs through my body at his touch.
"Are you cold?" He asks and he lifts the blanket over us. I'm still quiet, I just want to stay in his arms forever. I can see why girls swoon at his touch, why they always come back begging for more. It's addicting, it's intoxicating being in his arms, breathing in his scent, having him touch me tenderly.
He pulls back slightly and tilts my head up with his finger on my chin, he has a frown on his face. "Talk to me, Shawn."
I sniffle quietly and look into his eyes.
"Fuck..." he whispers as our gazes lock together.
I get the sudden idea that I should tell him, I've never seriously contemplated telling him before, I've just wished and daydreamed on how it would play out if I did.
But the way he's looking at me makes me want to tell him, the way he's touching me makes me want confess my unrequited love for him. I let out a small breath and gather up my courage.
Should I say it or should I show it? I'm torn. Taylor is a very physical person, he's big on touching and I think maybe kissing him would be the best way to tell him.
He wipes my cheeks gently before returning his hand to my back, he keeps caressing it gently. "I fucking hate seeing you cry. I can't stand it, tell me what to do to make it better. I'll do anything for you."
His words give me the final boost I needed and I keep staring into his eyes before I lean in and press my lips to his. My heart is pounding, I can't believe I actually did it. I thought I'd never get the courage to actually do it. It's now or never,either our friendship breaks apart or we grow even closer together. I pray that we grow closer together, that he's actually interested in me but if not I pray that this doesn't change our friendship.
Taylor is frozen, his hand stops moving and is just resting on my waist. My eyes are closed as I start to move my lips tentatively over Taylor's. This is my first kiss, I know it's kind of pathetic but I was saving it, I wanted it to be with someone I love. And I love Taylor, I'm sure of it.
A/N- Wattpad was being dumb so I had to break it up, onward to part 2!