Please read the authors note at the end of this chapter. Enjoy...
Sammie-Jo’s Pov.
Heartbreak, hurt, sad, betrayed, useless, lonely is the only way to describe my feelings right now. Since arriving back from the police station, I’ve been sat here on the living room floor of Damien's house crying. Okay I know that I should have gone straight to Mia’s and Harry’s but I couldn’t. I needed to come back here just for one last time. Why? I don’t know just to know that I’m now free in a house that I was scared to be in.
I’m now free. Free to breathe. Free to talk to anyone. Free to be myself.
I should be cherishing this moment but I can’t because I feel guilty. I Shouldn’t but I do. I know that I’m stupid but as much as I hate Damien, I also love him. I promised to keep him safe as long as he kept me safe even though he always broke his promises. I hate him I really do even though my feelings are still strong for him. I definitely wouldn’t take him back ever but I don’t really have a choice anyway because he is in jail.
I knew how dangerous and serious Damien could be but I never thought that he had it in him to hold someone at gun point. Yes I’ve saw him do it in the past but the gun was empty and he only did it to make a threat but the other night…well that was real. It was a loaded gun, anything could have gone wrong at any point. I could have died, Harry could have died and most importantly Mia and their baby could have died. With one false move, we all could have gone. It may have been a small gun but it was powerful!
When the bullet shot out, I thought that was it. That was the end. It wasn’t though, Mia jumped in front of me. What was she thinking? That’s it she wasn’t thinking. None of us were, especially not Damien. He is twisted and mental.
Uch he makes my skin crawl. The more and more I sit here and think of him, I begin to resent him with every second that passes. I know that I should hate him anyway but it’s hard.
I wish that I would have never have gone back to him time after time. I shouldn’t have listened to him saying that he loved me. I shouldn’t have trusted him again when he promised that he wouldn’t hurt me again. I shouldn’t have done a lot of things.
The only thing that I should have done is run. Run so far away that he couldn’t find me, couldn’t hurt me, and couldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep, couldn’t lie to me. I hate him!
Will I ever be able to trust anyone ever again? Will I ever be able to get back on my feet and gain my family back? The family who was there for me but I pushed them away for the devil.
He never loved me. He never wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He probably didn’t even want me. All he wanted me for was slavery. All he wanted me for was sex. All he saw me for was a sex slave, but I let him. I shouldn’t have but I did. He could sometimes be cute with me but now I realise that was only because he would want sex after. I’m useless and worthless.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror right now, all is see is a wreck. Not the soft, smooth, shiny skin and the smile I used to see. No. Just a pale, rough mess. I don’t like it. I hate myself.
Picking up the nearest vase on the table, I lob it so hard at the mirror. I through it because when I look at my reflection all I see it him staring back at me.
The shatter to the glass describes how I feel inside. Physically shattered, mentally shattered and hurtfully shattered. There are so many pieces of me that is broken, they may never be able to be put back together to complete the jigsaw.
Maybe I should run now? Nobody knowing who I am. Nobody knowing my past. I’m not saying that my past is bad but people judge me for being with Damien.
I couldn’t do that to Harry though. It would worry him sick and he has been too good for me to run now. He would hate me for sure this time. He probably already feels angry towards me for putting Mia in danger. I know how much she means to him. I can tell just by the way he looks at her. There’s a spark in his eyes that I have never seen before. It shines like a start. It’s new, just like he is new.
I’m confused, my thoughts are all over the place. I can’t think straight for one second. My thoughts are confused so that explains why I’m confused.
I loved Damien, I thought he loved me back but I was wrong just as always.
My world feels torn apart. I have no trust to give out anymore. How will I cope? I’m not one to go alone. I like someone to be by my side. Someone who Damien wasn’t.
I shouldn’t be moping around, I should be happy that I’m free. I should be trying to find my old self deep inside. But I cant. Everything is just too new and too sore.
Damien has mentally scared me for life. If a boy ever moved fast around me, I will freak thinking that he is going to hit me to the ground. I’m scared to say the wrong things just in case I get hurt. I hate myself. I don’t like the person that I now am. I haven’t laughed or smiled in such a long time. Sometimes I feel that I have forgotten the meaning for those small words. They are small words but so hard to complete. It’s like a challenge.
“Sammie-Jo.” Harry makes me jump.
I stay silent. Too hurt to talk.
“I’m sorry I tried to get here as fast as I could. Your phone call made me panic. Fucking look at the glass. What have you done?” Harry’s eyes guide to the scattered mirror.
“S…sorry.” A small whisper escapes my mouth. I can barely hear myself talk.
“No, no, no. You don’t have to say sorry. It’s okay.” Harry leans against the wall, sliding down to the floor.
I don’t reply. What can I reply? I can’t even think straight never mind holding a sentence together.
“When did you get out of that station? I told you to phone me once you were finished there.” His arm rests over my shoulders, comforting me.
“Seven this morning.” I mumble.
“What? You have been here all these hours on your own. Sammie.” His face softens.
“I don’t like it Harry. The pain…hurts…so, so bad.” Tears fall form my eyes, crashing onto the floor.
“Don’t cry. He is away now, he won’t hurt you again.” Harry’s arm rubs up and down mine.
“I’m so sorry.” My thoughts go back to Mia.
Once the gun shot, Harry’s face dropped. He thought that it had hit Mia…we all thought it hit Mia. I saw Harry collapsing down in front of me. He didn’t but it looked like he was going to.
“Stop saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes I do. Damien, the gun, Mia, the shoot, the danger.” I want to explain myself properly but I can’t. I feel as if I don’t have enough breath to do so.
“Calm down. It’s okay. None of that was your fault. Sammie-Jo it happened, there’s nothing anyone can to about it so we just have to carry on. Nobody was hurt, so we have to try. Okay I know that it will always be in your mind but it will get easier. I promise.” Sometimes I don’t think people realise the meaning to promises, but somehow I believe Harry on this promise.
“We could have been hurt though.” I sniffle.
“Well we weren’t so forget it. Okay I know that you can’t forget it but yeah you get what I mean.” I feel his body shrug.
“How are Mia and the baby. Did you go and get a scan just to make sure the baby wasn’t harmed?” I wonder.
“They’re fine…both of them. They’re both strong girls.” Harry’s cheeks rise. I can tell that he is thinking of them.
Hang on girls? I thought that they didn’t know what sex the baby was. Maybe he just never thought what he said.
“Girls? But I thought that…”
“Fuck.” He laughs. “We found out this morning. We were going to keep it between us but so far I’ve forgotten and told three people.”
“You can’t keep anything to yourself can you?” A small smile creeps upon my face. My cheeks hurting as they rise a little.
“Can I see a smile?” Harry points. “Yes a can.”
“Stop.” I laugh hitting his hand away, my smile getting bigger.
“See I can make anyone smile.” He sits back, proud of himself.
“Thank you…I haven’t smiled in such a long time.” I admit.
“I know. I can tell.” He sighs.
“Harry.” I look to the floor.
“Yeah?”
“I hate asking this but please can I stay at yours for a couple of days because I don’t exactly have my family to turn to at this moment in time.”
I feel so bad about asking hi this. I feel cheeky and horrible.
“Sammie why are you even asking me this? Of course you can! Mia and me planned that you would stay at ours anyway. Also were moving out tomorrow so you can help us pack.” He grins.
“What? Are you sure? I promise I won’t be a pain. I’ll stay out of you way and pay you.” I say.
“No you won’t pay us at all. We don’t want anything off you. You need to get back up on your feet, not worry about paying us.” He smiles.
“Thank you so much Harry.” I can feel the pressure building up behind my eyes, but I know Harry doesn’t like it when I cry.
“I have a lot to repay you for from how you helped me in the past. I will never be able to thank you enough.” He whispers.
“You don’t have to repay me for anything.” I smile politely.
“Well I feel the need that I have to, so I am.” He smile back, looking into my eyes.
We stay sat for a while longer before Harry makes my jump with his dashed movements.
“Come on let’s get out of this shit hole.” He jumps too his feet, looking down at me holding out his hand.
I take his hand, and he helps me up. I feel so dizzy and sick, but at the same time…fresh?
Why do I feel different all of a sudden? Is it the relief that Damien will be away from me for a long time? Maybe.
I walk in front of Harry out of the house…that place that I called home for too long. Home is where you should feel safe and loved, not terrified and hurt!
Harry slams the door behind him as he steps out of the house.
“Keys.” Harry’s hand holds out.
“What do you mean? It’s an automatic lock. It’s locked now it’s closed.” I explain.
“Sammie-Jo I’m not dumb. Of course it’s locked. Just pass me the keys.” He says, bobbing his hand up and down.
“Why though?” I wonder.
“Just so I know that I won’t find you in this place again. I don’t want you back in this area, it’s dangerous.” Harry replies.
“But…”
“Pass me the keys Sammie.” His eyebrows rise.
Searching my pockets, I roll my eyes. “Fine.” I pass him the house keys.
“Now leave this house for the police to deal with.” He grabs they keys and posts them through the letter box.
“Harry.” I try and stop him.
“No.” He drops them through. “I don’t want to see you sitting back in this house. That’s the end of it now. A fresh start begins.” He walks up to his car.
As I walk to the top of the path, I turn on my heels taking one last look at the mysterious dark house.
“It’s over.” I mumble, relief flushing through my body.
No more pain, no more suffering…just a normal pain free life.
Getting into the passenger’s seat, I belt up.
“It’s true what they say you know.” I quietly say to Harry.
“What are you going on about?” The puzzled look on his face is enough to tell me that he is confused.
“You never know what goes on behind closed walls.” I turn to look at the house.
“Don’t say that. Think of something else but that. Please.” His hand wrest on top of mine, comforting me to some extent.
“It will be okay.” Harry’s head nods.
“Will it though.” I scoff half sarcastically.
“It will yes. It will take some fucking time like…but yeah you will get back to your feet.”
Damien was my best friend to start with, he was perfect. I would do anything for him. I never thought he would let me down like he has. He turned out to be someone I never classed him as. Now I hate him. How can you go from taking a bullet for someone, to hating them? It’s confusing and weird. I suppose you can never truly trust someone because you never actually know what they have planned for you or when they are going to turn around and shoot you down. I don’t think I will be able to trust anyone properly again. I want to but deep down know that I can’t. Damien will never realise how much he has hurt me, not just physically but also mentally!
“Where were you when I rang you?” I ask Harry, to break the silence in the car. I’m not saying that it’s awkward but I just don’t like silence because it gives me the time to think about everything I don’t want to think about.
“Just at Niall’s and Victoria’s with Mia.” He replies.
“Where’s Mia then?” I wonder, scrunching my eyebrows.
“I left her with them. I didn’t want her to come back to the mess she nearly died in.” I suppose Harry does have a point.
“Oh. Won’t she be angry that you left her to come for me? I don’t want to intrude.”
“What? Mia no way. She told me to hurry up actually.” He laughs.
“Oh.” I nod my head. “You couldn’t have found anyone better.”
“Do you know what?” He turns his head to look at me. “I don’t think I could of. She is the best.” He cheerfully smiles. His big grin automatically putting a smile on my face.
“You deserve all the happiness you get Harry. You’re a good guy.”
“Not everyone thinks that.” I can hear the seriousness in Harry’s voice even though he is smiling.
“Well not everyone knows the real you then do they.” I admit.
“They see me as the bad bugger I once was.” I wish Harry realises that he has changed.
***
“Babe it’s on me.” Harry opens the front door of his house. “Oh and Sammie.” Harry looks at me laughing.
Mia’s figure rushed through the hallway.
“Are you okay?” She asks full of worry.
“I’m both fine. I just needed to talk to Sammie.” He explains to Mia.
“I wasn’t asking you actually, I was asking Sammie.” Mia playfully say’s to Harry before turning her attention to me.
“I’m fine thank you, well as fin as I can be at this moment in time.” I smile.
“Well you know that you can stay here for as long as you want to. There’s no rush.” Mia embraces me with a hug.
“Thank you.” She is so nice.
“Why does Sammie-Jo get a hug before I do?” Harry pouts as Mia and I laugh.
“You can join in too.” Mia giggles, opening her arms.
Harry soon fills the empty gap, as we all stand in the hallway hugging one another. Well that is a great warm welcoming for me then.
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Please read:-
I still can’t believe that we are so close to the end of this story. It’s weird to think that I won’t be writing this anymore after the next couple of chapters.
Anyway I would just like to apologize for not updating for over a week, I have been really busy with Mock exams in school. I just haven’t stopped really.
I know that this chapter isn't the best and isn't long but I wanted to update meaning that I hadn't for a while so I hope that it is alright? Please comment and let me know.
I will try my hardest to update by Sunday because my exams finish on Friday.
By the way, the link to this song really ges with the chapter. Just thought thaat I would let you guys know that.
I would just like to say a big thank you to everyone who still reads this.
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