Harry’s Pov.
“Mia you’re pregnant.”
As the words leave the nurses mouth, I feel as if I’m pinned down by a ton of bricks. My heart is beating as if there is no tomorrow. I feel as if I’m struggling to breathe right now. Pregnant. No she can’t be can she? We are safe…well most of the time anyway.
“Pregnant?” Mia’s eyes widen.
“Yes. Congratulations.” The nurse beams.
Congratulations. Fucking congratulations! No. What the hell am I hearing right now? This can’t be right can it? What is happening?
“I need some fresh air.” I stand to my feet and rush out of the room.
Yes I do feel bad for leaving Mia alone in there but what else could I do? I need time to think. Time to take everything in. Time to breathe.
Running out of the doctor’s surgery, I hit my back against the cold, brick wall as I kneel to the floor. Hitting my head to my hands, questions spin through my mind over and over.
How? Well I know how I’m not that fucking stupid. When? I don’t have a clue. Where? Plenty of places. What is Mia thinking?
A part of me wants to go back in there and support Mia but I’m too much of a wimp. I don’t deal with news easy. Especially news like this!
Pregnant. Parents. What? Aren’t we too young? Well I suppose that we are not too young because people have babies at the age of thirteen, it’s not that bad.
Damn I don’t think Mia and I have even talked about having children! Do we even want children for that matter? I haven’t even taken a minute to think about children if I’m honest but now I suppose that I have to because I have no choice. I could run but I couldn’t be without Mia.
“Man you need to move, you’re in the way there.” I look up to see Niall.
“S…sorry. I need to go.” I stand, rushing down the path to my car.
I hear Niall shout something but I don’t take the time to function what he says. I will wait in the car for Mia. Yes that is what I will do.
Pregnant.
No the word doesn’t sound normal for me to hear. Pregnant means turning into parents. Turning into parent’s means taking care of another life. Fuck I can’t even look after myself never mind a baby. I can’t even hold a baby without being terrified of dropping her or him. I can’t become a fucking dad!
Even the word dad makes me shiver. Daddy, dad…no I like Harry. I like my name and I don’t want it to change. I don’t do change and I never have. Yes I’ve changed a lot since meeting Mia but changing to be a dad is just…well there’s not really any words for it if I’m honest. A dad means showing an influence and inspiring your child. What’s inspiring about me? Exactly, nothing. I never set a good influence because I like to do things my way, and normally things being my way don’t always end up being good.
I’m sure Mia would be a great mum because she always makes children happy and always gets them to giggle, but I normally make them cry just by looking at them. She would be a great influence and inspiration because she is such a brave, strong person where I’m the complete opposite. As you can tell I run from any sign or trouble or news, take yesterday for an example. I saw my mum and ran. Today I heard about Mia being pregnant I ran again. Why can’t I keep myself calm and listen. Why can’t I ever stay until the end to see everything through? I’m a coward that’s why!
“Harry.” Mia nervously opens the car door.
Sorry for leaving you alone. Sorry for being stupid. Sorry for not sticking around. Sorry for leaving you to cope alone. Sorry for being a coward.
They circle my mind. Yes I should say it but the thick, dry lump in my throat is stopping me.
“Come on let’s go home.” I wait for Mia to get into the car before driving off.
Yes I should be comforting her right now. Telling her everything is going to be okay and that there is nothing to worry about. I shouldn’t be causing her worry or stress but I can’t help myself. I will do everything that needs to be done when I get used to the word ‘pregnant’.
What will people think? Most of the people I know already think that I’m a disgrace from my past life, and I can’t blame them if I’m honest. I have been a right dickhead in the past, yes I have changed but they don’t believe me. They just think that it is all an act, but I honestly have changed.
People will laugh at me. I just know it! I don’t know why I’m giving a shit what people think of me because I never normally do. This is all too much. I need time alone.
***
We’ve been home for a couple of hours now and no words have been spoken between us. We haven’t fallen out. Mia and I just don’t have a fucking clue what to say about the news. I should say something but every time I go to speak, I sound like an old man dying so I give up. I’m never a man for no words but there’s a first for everything right? I don’t like the feeling though because I like to give my opinion.
“Harry please say something.” Mia’s voice is quiet more like a whisper.
“I…I…” Come on you absolute prat! “I…I don’t know what to s…say.”
“That everything is going to be okay? Tell me how you feel?” Her voice rises.
At this apparent moment we aren’t looking at one another.
“I can’t say everything is going to be okay because I haven’t even had time to fucking think Mia. How do I feel? I don’t have a fucking clue. How am I supposed to feel? Please tell me because I need help somehow.” I frustratingly run my finger through my hair, tugging at the ends.
“Stop acting like you are the only one here Harry! Think how I feel about this too. I can’t tell you how you’re supposed to feel because you can only tell me the truth yourself from your heart.” She catches my attention.
“I need time to think Mia. Don’t stress me out anymore.” I huff.
“Don’t stress you out. Don’t stress you out. Harry are you kidding me? Just so you know you’re not the only one ‘stressed’ right now. If you need time to think, you know where the door is because I can’t be around you whilst you are in this mood.” Her voice strains just like she is about to cry.
I don’t mean to be a dick to her I really do want to comfort her but something is stopping me. I want to pull her into my arms but…there’s no buts. Nothing is helping me this time!
“Mia I just need time for my head to think clear so that I can see a straight path and not a blurry one.” I go to touch her but she pulls away.
I hate it when she does that. It really pisses me off! Okay I can’t really complain because I’ve been the most moody person to be around for the last couple of hours. Hell I don’t think I even like me right now never mind Mia!
“Well I’m giving you a chance to go and have time to think. Just go back to your house Harry and stay there until you have calmed and thought everything through.” She better not be fucking kicking me out!
“You’re not ending it with me are you?” I worry.
She smiles a little, putting her cold soft fingers on my cheek.
“No Harry I’m not. I’m giving us space because I need some to. Just a day or two apart to give us both time to think. You can come back at any moment you want to though. I’m not kicking you out or ending our relationship because I couldn’t bare that.”
“Thank fuck for thank.” I let out a deep breath.
I think she is right. I need time alone for my own benefit before I explode. A couple of days alone will do us the world of good.
“And plus I can’t cope with you in this mood. You literally do my head in.” I do my own head in. I don’t need to be told.
“I know, It’s just…for fuck sake I don’t even know. I don’t think being a dad is my thing. I can’t be one.” I didn’t mean it to come out like that.
By Mia’s reaction I’m guessing she is not too happy.
“I didn’t mean…” She cuts me off.
“Harry just go.” She steps away from me, nodding her head towards the door.
“Mia. I didn’t…” I step closer but she takes another step away again.
“Harry don’t I know exactly what you mean. Just go.” She puts her hands out to keep calm.
“I’m just trying to explain that I don’t know how to hold it, feed it or do anything with it.” I try and explain.
“Harry who do you think you are? The innocent baby is not an ‘it’ how dare you have the nerve to call the baby…our baby an ‘it’.” Fuck she looks so angry right now!
“Fucking hell Mia I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes you did. You don’t want to be a dad to our baby so like I said before just leave.”
Well obviously you don’t know what I mean because once again you didn’t fucking listen to me! You shouldn’t argue with a pregnant woman right?
Staring her in the eyes for a few moments, I turn on the ball of my foot and head for the front door.
Why does everything I say come out wrong? Why can’t I ever say what I mean properly? For fuck sake now she is proper pissed off with me. I didn’t mean that I don’t want to become a dad to our baby even though it did come across that way. I know most people would die to hear the news of becoming parent’s but it’s never crossed my mind. Yes I have thought of it once but I never thought of becoming a parent until I was like in my late twenties. I just need to calm down and breathe. I think that is what Mia needs to do too. Hopefully it is just her hormones playing with her feeling, that’s even if her hormones have kicked in yet!
Mia’s Pov.
As the front door slams, I fall to the floor in tears. He doesn’t want to be a dad? He doesn’t think it is his ‘thing’? What is he too cool to become a dad now or something? Does this mean he wants to leave me? Me? Alone being a single parent? What is wrong with this boy? How could he even have the heart to call our baby an ‘it’. I would never call a baby an ‘it’ especially not my own. Why doesn’t he think before he says things because sometimes it can really hurt.
Not once since coming home front the doctors has Harry seen how I feel about this. He hasn’t even given a thought about me. He wouldn’t talk to me in the car and he struggles so much to make a conversation. Every time that I asked if he was okay all I would get in return was grunts form him. That’s why I begged him to talk to me. I needed to know what he was thinking and how he felt but now I really wish that I didn’t ask. All I got from his answer what a knife through my heart. I wanted to hear that he was happy…shocked yes, but happy, not that he doesn’t want to become a dad.
All I’ve wanted from him since being home is a comforting hug and to calmly talk through everything. I never got that though. All that’s left now is me alone in this cold empty house. I have no one here with me like I should have. I’m just on my own.
Why does Harry always have to act this way? Yes I understand that it is hard for him to take in but it is for me too. He is not the only one! When I was sitting in the nurse’s room before, I felt so stupid when he ran out. I had not words to describe him. I could see the nurse wondering why Harry ran but thank god she didn’t question it. I wouldn’t have known what to say to her. Damn I don’t even know what to say to myself!
I expected him to freak out because deep inside I did too and I still am. I guess that I’m little better at controlling my feelings than Harry. If I’m honest I don’t know how I expected Harry to act because it was a massif shock to the both of us.
There was me thinking I had a virus or a water infection but no I’m pregnant. I’m not complaining because I love children and there’s no one in this world who I would want more to be a dad to my child than Harry. I know that he doesn’t see it himself, but he is great with kids. Well I think he is anyway. He is always smiling around them. Tickling them and making them chuckle. He would be the perfect dad. The way that he has flipped his life around amazes me every day! He used to smoke drugs when he was younger, and then he got into alcohol. Throwing parties all the time and getting with any girl that he could just for his pleasure. He didn’t ever show them any respect and he didn’t care who he hurt. It never crossed his mind about how they feel or how much he hurt them the next morning. I can pretty much guess how much trouble Harry has caused for everyone whilst growing up, because it doesn’t take much to think. I can imagine him being rude and cruel, like people tell me. But Harry has changed. He has changed hell of a lot!
It’s over that last couple of years I would say Harry has changed. Yes I have only been dating him for a year and three months but apparently he did start to calm down a little before meeting me…even though it wasn’t much. At least he still tried. The way that he has flipped his life around is amazing and I know that he would never go back to being the neighbour from hell. That’s the impression I got rom him when we first met is the neighbour from hell. He would have parties constantly and he never stopped winding me up. He was the annoying boy. The boy next door.
I need to get Harry to stop panicking and running off like it is the worst news he has ever heard because I never know what to do. I know that most people panic but he definitely can’t control himself. I’ve always known that he panics but sometimes I really wish that he wouldn’t. I know that girls can cope with news better than boys can but I want to cope with this news with Harry. The boy I love.
I wish that I never told Harry to leave now because I just want to be lying in his arms right now. I only asked him to leave because it seemed like the right thing to do. I do need a little time to get my head around everything but the person that especially needs time is Harry. I’ve done it for his own good. He does have a heart, a very big heart for that matter. Sometimes I just wish he would show it though.
The question that is circling my mind now is…
Will Harry every come back?
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