Embraced in my dream, absurd as it may seem,
You're slave under my illusion, the everdark of mine.
Z A I R E
Sykes was working in his home office, and I was sitting down at the kitchen table with my journal. Sykes had told me to write to him. He told me that until I did it, I couldn't get up. And I was definitely not going to disobey him again.
I couldn't really explain why I'd gotten so upset about Thomas seeing us. I just... did.
He'd asked me, and I had told him it was because I didn't want anyone to see him naked. And that's true. He's mine. And, I don't want some little guy that I didn't know that well to make a move on my man. He's my master and just like how he is possessive of me, I am possessive of him. But it felt like more than that.
In the moment when I'd found out that he'd been watching, for one second... one tiny microscopic second... I was back there, in that room with all of those men looking over me.
I could practically feel the gun to my head, hear the men around me laughing, watching as they each took their turn with me. I could practically feel them touching me... and it was horrific. And I hated that. I hated that I wasn't able to just laugh it off like him.
Dear Journal,
I kind of disobeyed. I didn't really mean to, and at the moment I wasn't thinking about it. A huge part of me was angry because Thomas had seen my master naked and making me scream and beg for more... But a larger part of me got scared at the thought.
I'm not sure why, because I have done scenes with masters out on display, but in such a personal setting it was quite nerve wracking.
And I hadn't known that he was watching, so that only doubled it.
I want to tell my master what I went through in that room... I do. But, honestly, some of it is... embarrassing. I just... feel like I need my master to help me sort this all out in my head.
When it first happened, I left the scene for a long time... and now I feel nervous at the thought of someone seeing me... I hope that I'm not going to be forced out of the scene again. I would hope my master loved me even though... but what if he doesn't?
And I still have the problem of Steven... he's still around, I know. He's not going to just go away... I wish though.
Anyway, I would rather talk about this to my master than some piece of paper that can give me no comfort... though I feel as though I'm falling apart.
But, I can't disappoint him again. He's my master, and I live to serve him—literally. It's just how I want it to be. I love being with him all the time, having no responsibility but to please him... while we were running I felt so free with him. It made me so happy to have nothing but him. And I realized that this is what I want for my entire life. I want him to own me... entirely.
But, I haven't really talked to him about it. I feel like we're stable, and like he's not going anywhere, but then I get nervous when I think he's embarrassed or ashamed of me...
I need my master. I can't lose him. I just can't.
-Zaire Williams.
I picked up my journal and took it to my master, knocking shyly on the door. He called for me to come in, and I did, blushing brightly.
He smiled softly when he saw me, and motioned me to come forward. I did as he said without hesitation, sinking down on the ground in front of him. He smirked softly, petting me on the head softly. I giggled and handed him the journal. He took it from me, and sat it down on his desk before he opened it and began reading.
I felt unusually shy as he read it, laying my head against his leg softly, looking for any kind of support. Anything that'd hold me down to earth. He gave me the sweetest look I'd ever seen him give me. "Zaire come with me." He told me sweetly, putting his hand on my sides and pulling me up with him. I took his hand, trailing behind him like a puppy. He took me to our room, shutting the door and then locking it. "Strip down to nothing." His command was simple, and I did as he asked without a second thought. He walked over to the bed, sitting down on it. Once I was naked I paused, waiting. "Get over here." He told me, and I did as he asked immediately, walking over to him. He took my waist into his hands, pulling my naked body against his clothed one. I felt shy, but completely safe.
It felt like forever before either of us even moved. But when we did, he began to speak. "I want you to tell me why you love me, Zaire." It was a clear, simple command, but it sent my mind through a loop.
"What?" I asked, blinking at him.
"I want you to tell me the reasons you love me, Zaire." It was an even simpler request, and I nodded my head, biting my lip.
"Master, I love you for a lot of reasons." I said softly, and he nodded, looking at me expectantly. "I love you because of the way you make me feel like I'm something. Also because you make me feel safe, protected and loved. You're understanding and when you wrap your arms around me, I feel like I belong there..." I took a deep breath, biting my lip. "Well, then there's also the fact that when you kiss me, I feel like I'm flying. And when you touch me, I feel like I've never been touched before. When you have sex with me... even roughly... I feel like it's making love." I bit my lip, blushing brightly.67
"I'm impressed, Zaire." His words made me feel excited, and I giggled softly. "Most people would've named off things like I love you because you're sexy, and things like that. I am glad that you named off things that are actually real reasons you'd love someone." His words made my heart beat erratically in my chest.
"Why do you love me, master?" He smirked as he looked over me, pulling me closer to him, pressing his lips against my throat softly.
"Because, Zaire. You're you." It wasn't much of an answer, but I didn't protest. I didn't want to push him away. "You're the sweetest man I've ever met. Your personality is perfect. You are obedient, and yet you have a personality all of your own. You made me believe in love, Zaire. Because before I met you, I didn't believe in love."
I leaned in, pressing a kiss to his lips shyly. He started kissing me back immediately, harder and more emotionally charged than ever before. I sank into it, moaning.
His hands went to my naked hips, holding me tightly against him. "You're mine, Zaire. And I love you, okay?" His words made my heart jump and I felt like I'd never heard anything quite so amazing before in my life.
"I love you too, master." The words were sweet, and he smiled softly, pressing a kiss to my lips softly.
"My parents are hosting a dinner soon," He said tightly, keeping his arms around me tightly. "It's next week, and they want us to come. I'm not sure why they suddenly began inviting me to their damned meetings, I've never been invited before in my life." I giggled softly, pressing a hesitant kiss against his lips.
"I'm looking forward to meeting your family." It was a comment that I never had thought I would get to say. I knew that they were in contact, but I didn't know that they were talking.
"I can't wait to show you off, Zaire." He sounded so smug as he said it. "My entire family believes that I have not got the ability to pick out a good boyfriend. And because they do not know I'm into BDSM, I figure that this'll be the perfect time to show you off as a boyfriend instead of a slave." I giggled softly, looking up into his eyes.
He gripped my ass hard in his hands suddenly, making me jump in pleasure. He was so sexy and I couldn't help but to press myself against him, wanting nothing more than for him to fuck me.
His hands were rubbing me, slowly caressing the cheeks o my ass. He ran his fingers up to my hole, slowly teasing it with them. I moaned softly, pushing my face into his neck. I wanted him so badly. He slipped one finger into my hole, just the tip making me arch.
"You're so responsive." He murmured softly, and I moaned. He pulled the finger out before pressing his thumbs against my hole. "Do you want this?" He asked and I whimpered, nodding.
He pressed them in at the same time, making me moan and arch. He began separating his fingers, stretching my hole out.
I gasped, my head falling back as I bit into my lip. I felt pleasure washing over me in waves. His thumbs felt amazing, shockingly so, as he pulled them apart. The farther apart they went, the more my hole seemed to scream in protest, but it wasn't a bad feeling at all.
In fact, I wanted more. "Mmm..." I closed my eyes, not wanting to ask for more. His eyes raked over my face as he pulled his fingers out of me. I whimpered, arching back into his hands.
"As much as I'd love to fuck you, Zaire I'm afraid that you're going to wait until tonight, because I have to finish working." I moaned in protest, and he smirked, shaking his head. "And, you're not allowed to touch yourself either. I must be the one to make you cum." His words made my face heat up, and I giggled softly, closing my eyes.
As much as I hated the thought of waiting, it felt good for him to command me around again. I missed having my master, and it wasn't that he wasn't there, we just were too busy to even think about who was owner and who was slave. We were running from my past, and I knew that. I just missed having him command me not to do something, and I missed having him make me wait until he wants me to cum. It feels nice.
Almost normal, in a weird sort of way.
"I want you to take a bath, and when you finish I want you to come find me in my office. I have some paperwork I'd like you to help me sort through because I really don't have OCD nearly as bad as you do, precious." I giggled softly, looking down at my feet.
"Yes, master." He made my heart beat way too fast for it to be safe, but I never ever would comment on it. I loved the control he exhibited over me, and all of my emotions.
I felt like he literally controlled every aspect of me, and in that I felt so safe and protected. I almost felt like I was going to belong to him forever.
And I really do hope that I do end up being his forever, because I want him to be my forever.
I walked into the bathroom, running the water in the tub as I heard him leaving our room. I hurriedly got all of my stuff and then got in, taking a quick bath. He typically tells me how long I have in the bath, but tonight was different.
Probably because I'd interrupted his work and he didn't really have too much time to be dawdling with. I knew that I should've waited until later to present him with my journal but I felt like if I waited, I'd have just never gave it to him out of embarrassment. And I knew that would only get me into even more trouble.
I hurried through my bath and then on a pair of panties, momentarily admiring how nice my ass looks in them before I run out to find Sykes.
I giggled softly, knocking on his office door before I walked in upon hearing him utter the words come in.
"Now, about those papers..." He smirked. The look on his face told me there was something about these papers that was going to embarrass me, but I really didn't care as long as my master is pleased with the job I do.