I sighed as I looked at the pile of paper work still lying on my desk. It has been nonstop since the attack. All the pack members wants more money for there lost loved ones and they want to vote in a new alpha. There has even been the idea that in six years Maven will take my place since he is the 'rightful heir'. If Daddy and Papa ever heard anyone say that though they would banish them, but I have heard whispers of it.
Everyone was shocked when Papa decided to give me the title of alpha. He said just because my biological father was from a different pack doesn't mean I can be the alpha of this one.
I think he made a huge mistake.
Don't say that about yourself, Charles. No one could have known she was bad, she disguised herself. The pack will quiet down and you find your true mate. North, my wolf, chastised in my head. I tried to take his advice, many times, this isn't the first time that I have had these thoughts. I have had them everyday since that dreadful day, when the whispers started, and everyone stopped trusting my judgement.
Charles, you can't let then get to you! That's what they are trying to do! They want to see if this has made you weak! Show them you aren't weak! I tuned him out as I drowned in my own self pity. I even apologized for my mistake in front of the whole pack, something alpha's don't do a lot of.
Alpha's don't like the idea of anyone being better then us. We don't like to have to apologize because then that means everyone else was right, and you were wrong, the point of apologizing.
I should have noticed the signs though. The constant questions about things that she had no right, even if she was the supposed Luna, of knowing. Schedules, passwords, keys made, everything. She even knew which room my five month old twin brothers live in. Even some of the pack members told me she seemed suspicious, but I didn't listen, I never did.
I'm a horrible Alpha, and there is nothing that can fix that. Not even my mate, actually, having a mate would probably make this all even more horrible. Nobody would trust him or her (since I don't have a preference) because of the accident with the female wolf. I can't even say her name anymore because it wants to bring me to tears.
All the innocent children she murdered. Seven children, all under the age of 10. She threw a bomb onto the field of where they were playing, oblivious to the tension surrounding the crazy rouge holding the dynamite. They wouldn't have been able to run fast enough anyways.
Rian won't even talk to me even more. At family dinners he totally ignores my existence and pretends I'm not there. When I ask him to hand me something on the table, he doesn't do it, he only lifts his head and glares at me until someone else passes me what I asked for. He's mad because he three year old daughter, Cassie, was outside when the bomb went off. She was far enough away that she didn't get burnt, she was only scared, but Rian blamed me for it anyway, threatened me if I did anything to his children he would kill me, Alpha or not.
The worst part? Nobody even stopped him when he punched me, and then kicked me, and screamed at me. Not even my own fathers, none of my siblings, because I deserved it. I had killed all those children. Now those parents have to grieve, some families even lost two kids, on the same day, all because of my weakness.
Mates.
I had grown up knowing that you cherished your mate, not someone you liked, which I had a hard time dealing with a few times, but the one the moon goddess chose for you.
But I was foolish.
I let my childish dreams get to me. That I would find my mate and everything would be okay, but everything wasn't okay. I had ruined that pack, I no longer had the honor of my packs trust, not even my families.
I let a dream, come between me and reality, and now innocent people have to pay for it. I won't let it happen again. I am not going to let people this close to me ever again.
Not even my mate.
The real one.