Assalam-o-Alaikum!
Here is the update :)
Do answer the question at the end of the chapter....Thanks :)
Happy Reading <3
Chapter 5.4
Tehreem's POV
"Aur neik mardon k liye neik aurten hen or neik aurton k liye neik mard" Surah Noor
My finger halted as I read the translation after the ayah. I dunno why Hussain came in my mind, I felt a lump in my throat, in past few weeks an image was created in my mind of Hussain; bighrey huye? Naheen maybe he is just a little pampered or maybe it's the environment and the place where he lives.
But dunno why for some odd reasons I feel he is going through a tough time in life, as if his heart is restless, as if he needs something...someone. Everytime we talked I felt he wasn't happy, like in the real sense, as if something was missing, as if he was angry with someone.
And the way he talked about Shaista aunty.... I can't believe he said that, I literally had to hide my reaction and keep it to me not showing in my words but it was difficult, Hussain talking about his mother like that just didn't give me a good feeling.
Hum kitney alag hen; starting from life style to likes and dislikes, everything seem completely opposite.
I looked down at the Quran opened wide in front of me, my index still resting firm over the Ayah I left.
Phir kia hua agar hum alag hen, to kia hua agar kuch bhi ek jesa nai.... merey Rabb ne unhen chuna hea merey liye, un se behter merey liye or koi nai ho sakta.
I shouldn't be judging him on mare few chats, who am I to judge him? Its Him who has the right to assess us, judge us. We all stand in front of Him only. Am nobody to pass statements about Hussain.
Shaking the thoughts away I looked down at the Quran and started memorizing once again.
Finishing a couple of hours I revised the part of memorized surah for one last time before closing the Quran and wrapped it up in the cover before I pulled my palms up for dua'a
"Make it easier and easier for me, as without your help and guidance I would never be able to do it. Ya Rabb! you know what lies in my heart and what lies in my soul, you know what is good for me and what is not. You know am weak and timid and my heart is fragile full of wrongdoings and worldly desires, prevent me from the ill thoughts and prevent me from the love of this world"
Since I had started talking to Hussain, I used to pray for him in every salah in every dua'a, though I didn't know what he want from life, what his wishes were, where his heart lies but I always prayed for what is best for him.
"Ya Rabb! guide him and show his heart the right path, your path"
"Ae merey Rabb! tu ne merey liye Hussain ko chuna hea, to woi merey liye behtreen sathi sabit hon ge. Mager najane q ajeeb sa khauf hea, darr hea jo bechain ker deta hea mujhey"
"Mein ne kabhi is sab k barey mein nai socha tha mager ub na chahtey hue bhi sochen nai thamteen."
"Ya Rabb! merey Malik! Agar Hussain he wo sathi hen jis ko Tu ne merey liye chuna hea to phir unhen wesa bana de jesa Tu chahta hea, unhen apna pasandeeda banda bana dey merey Malik! Tu to merey dil ka hal mujh se behter janta hea, phir Hussain k dil ko apni rah per chala de merey Rabb!" a tear escaped the corner of my eye and I blinked letting another rolled down my cheek.
"Tu gunahon ka bakhashney wala hea, maaf kerney wala hea. Merrey Rabb merey gunahon meri khata'on ko derguzer ker dey. Darguzer ker dey merey Malik!" sniffling a little I wiped my face with my palms as I ended the dua'a.
Looking up at the clock I got up and placed Quran on the study table, it was still a few hours left for Tahajudd and I wasn't feeling like sleeping at all.
Laying down in the bed, I took out my phone from under the pillow and played the mp3 recitation of my favorite Qari, beautiful mesmerizing words started coming out spreading in the air surrounding me like the most enchanting fragrance. I shut my eyes and listened to it when suddenly a message notification interrupted the serenity and my eyes flutter open.
This time???
Putting the recitation on pause I checked the notification bar and a frown spread across my forehead as I read:
"Tehreem! You there?"
Hussain? Is waqt?
For a few moments I couldn't decide whether to respond or not. But maybe it was important, but what was that important between us that made him texted at this time?
Ch! Oho Tehreem! Itna kia sochney wali bat hea, pooch lo. Bus bat khatam. Pulling up in the bed I leaned with the back and replied.
Assalam-o-Alaikum!!!!
.... Ibraheem's POV....
It's been an hour we were texting eachother, she seemed a little uninterested in talking but I was getting bored, I was waiting for Gul and Hussain to come at my place for practice and I knew I had a few hours left.....
Tab tak thori company de do Tehreem Bhabi.......
Me: I can not understand this concept of haram and halal. I mean why is wine haram when it takes a person away from his miseries and pain, for a little time he forgets about the worst things in his life and he lives a few moments away from the cruel realities. And why is even suicide haram? when one can escape from the troubles and can get free from all the shit around him. I just don't understand.
may be I was talking complete shitt...utter rubbish but I knew this all islamic batein was her favorite subject and as I was feeling like talking to her so i pushed her into her favorite genre
Tehreem: Because escape is not the solution, wine can give you a temporary escape. After the trance the stupor is broken you will once again drowned into the miseries and suicide is the worst of the acts Hussain! Suicide is the act that shows you don't believe in the existence of Rabb....
I don't understand why this girl has to drag Islam and Allah into everything?
Me: I believe in Allah Tehreem! Suicide has nothing to do with it and why do you always take everything to Him? I mean can't you talk normally?
ME: no offense han!
With a cheeky emoticon I entered the last part.
Tehreem: it has everything to do with Him Hussain! When one commit suicide or even thinks of committing this act he is denying the fact that Rabb is present, that doesn't matter how worse his situation is Rabb will set everything well.
Reading this I heaved up a heavy sigh, at least I can not convince this girl over any issue. I wonder how Hussain will lead his whole life with her without pulling his hair off.
Sala ganjaa na ho gaya do din mein to mera nam bhi Ibraheem Khawar Randhawa nai.
Tehreem: hopelessness is a sin. Mayoosi kufr hea Hussain! Jab ap mantey hen k Rabb ki zaat hea to phir ap ye kesey man saktey hen k apki zindagi mein aai hui takleef wo door nai karey ga? Ye kesey ho sakta hea k apka Rabb jo her lamha apk sath mojood hea wo apka ghum kam nai karey ga?
Bus final ho gaya Hussain and Tehreem can not marry. Saley dono east or west hen, sky and earth hen balkey mein to kehta hoon PML-N or PTI hen dono. Ye dono sath nai reh saktey.
Tehreem: and I don't drag Him in everything, He is already there in everything Hussain! Meri subha se le ker meri rat tak, her lamhe mein mojood hea Wo. He is in good and He is in worse, He is in my happiness and in my grief in my smile in my pain. I don't find even a moment empty of Him...my Rabb
And finally after like an hour of conversation I got my first smilie from her.
This lerki is OMG...... like seriously a total Maulvi kind of, I mean Maulvani kind of, if this is the feminine of Maulvi....
Me: you love Him a lot, right?
Tehreem: you don't?
No, yes...no, I mean I don't know. I mean how can I answer this?
For a couple of minutes I remained speechless Tehreem: It's not that difficult to evaluate Hussain!
Me: I dunno, I mean I haven't thought much about this ever. Tum batao kesey pata chaley ga k mein Allah se muhabbat kerta hoon ya naheen?
I have learnt it long ago from Hussain, jab class mein jawab na samajh aaye or bisstii ka darr ho to foran sawal teacher per dal do. Turn the table u know....
Tehreem: do you live for Him?
Ohoooo again a question. Ye intihaai kharab teacher hea.
Me: ummmm how can I find this out now?
I rolled my eyes hard time
Tehreem: it's simple, when you love somebody you don't want to upset him or her, you want to have him or her in your life forever, ap ek lamha bhi us k bagher nai reh saktey, ap ka dil nai kerta k ap usey naraz Karen. Ap ki zindagi bus us ek insaan k ird gird ghoomney lagti hea. Jesey meri.
Phir shaid mera pehla or aakhri love music hea q k is ki her bat mein bus music se relate ker sakta hoon. I love it to the core of my heart, and I just can not love anything else any more.
Tehreem: hamara her amal bus Rabb k liye hona chahiye Hussain! Bus ek yei bat bata sakti hea k hum Us se kitni or kis terha ki muhabbat kertey hen.
Me: but not every deed can be for Him, no?
Not to be offensive, not to be rude..... I poop and I pee and I fart. How can every deed be for Him?????
This girl is a little exaggerating
Tehreem: it can be, our love and our hatred, our smiles and our tears, even our likes and dislikes should be for Him only. Before doing anything just take a few seconds and ask yourself, are you going to do it for Rabb? Is He going to be happy with your act? And trust me Hussain! You will get the answer.
Hmmm maybe she is right.
Tehreem: for instance, you are going to listen a song.... Just before plugging the song in, just before jamming your ears with filth, ask your heart is it what going to please your Rabb? is it what He has asked you to do on earth? Is it what makes you a better person? And if the answer is positive go and listen to music but if the answer is no.... go with your conscience.
Is she trying to push Hussain into something?
Oye hoye hoye!!! Bhabi ka taluq kaheen Al Qaida se to nai? She is trying to do the mind makeup of Hussain so that he stars thinking like her?
Taalibaan......
For another hour we kept on discussing and arguing when suddenly she stopped texting back.
Me: Hello?
Me: ????? You there????
Me: knock knock!!! koi ghar per hai????
So gai shaid...... Miss Al-Qaida.
Tehreem's POV
He was a monster, a devil wrapping his dark deeds in a black shabby tattered cloth, I couldn't see his face, hidden under a hood all I can see was darkness like pitch deep dark abyss.
He wasn't alone, there was someone standing with him...a girl it was; her back was turned towards me, her long wavy locks handing swaying in the air as she laughed along with the devil.
My heart started to panic as the monster turned his attention towards me, the girl was still laughing hysterically as if was making fun of me.
No!!! do-on't come near me.....
No! Ma! Abbbuuuuuu!!!
I looked around nobody was found, I tried to run for my life but realization hit me hard as I looked down finding my ankles tied up in shackles......
I wanted to pray... I wanted to call my Rabb to help me but words just couldn't come out.
The monster slowly with small threatening steps headed towards me....I gulped the left over saliva down my throat, tears of fear rolling down my cheeks.
Please!!! Help me....Please!!!
I yelled calling the girl hysterically and just then she stopped laughing and my heart dropped down in my tummy as she turned....
I felt all the air sucked out of my lungs and my blood stopped running in my veins as I looked at her... looked at my own reflection.
It was me?????
....
Maaaa!!!
With a shriek my upper half pulled up straight on the bed, I was panting hard, my face sweating and breaths ragged as if I had to run miles.
Looking around, I found my room fully lit up as the sun shown as bright as it could, sending the best of its rays through the balcony, spreading in my room.
That girl in the dream.... She can't be me, how can I...how can I.....
Time????
I looked at the clock and my eyes widened, my heart stopped beating, I realized why I was so restless I realized why it wasn't like my usual calm mornings.
I skipped my tahajudd..... I skipped my fajir.
Aleena's POV
Keeping the napkin over the tray I held it firm in my hands, looked in to the mirror checking my hijab was okay.
"Aleena beta! come back quick I need a hand in the packing" I heard Mom instructed.
Oh Allah!!! abhi to nikala tha itni mushkil se ye New York apney damagh se...phir se yad dila diya.
"I won't take long Mom! Allah hafiz!" I called back and stepped out from the main gate.
Reaching in front of her house I didn't have to press the call bell, the gate was already open I peeked in finding the gardener as always busy with some plants, I could see Mariya busy in her casual fight with her elder brother over some petty issue.
I walked in. "Assalam-o-alaikum! Mariya" she looked startled as her gaze shifted to me at once, looking at my broad smile she instantly mirrored.
"Walaikumslaam! Oh! Sorry sorry. Wa-laikum Assalam!" she quickly corrected herself as I shot a look mockingly and she pressed a cheeky grin.
"Samajhdaar ho gai hea Mariya bhi" I smiled in praise as we stepped in the house together and heard her brother chuckled sarcastically.
"Ullo ka patha hea ji ye, ap na dihan den is per" She carelessly mentioned and I shook my head, she took the tray from my hands.
"Mariya! Bara hea tum se. show some respect girl. its not good to talk to him like this" keeping my tone mild I scolded her, she scratched her head with a stupid smile.
"Tehreem hea?" I asked as we stepped in the lounge and before she could reply I felt I heard somebody sobbing.
"Tehreem?" I literally gasped as I saw her head dunk in Aunty's lap and her body in trembles. I almost rushed towards her.
"Aunty? Wha-what happened?" I sat near her on the sofa.
"Muhterma ki namaz qaza ho gai, subha ka rona dala hua hea, na kha rahi hen na pee rahi hen. She didn't even attend collage today" Aunty stated, her hand still caressing Tehreem's head.
I sighed in relief, as nothing was serious. "Oho Tehreem!" holding her shoulders I tried to pull her up, she refused to look at me as she wiped her face; red and moistened, her eyes bloodshot and puffed.
"You scared me girl! come on"
She looked at me with complaint in her eyes. "I knew it. I knew it you would react the same as Ma and everyone did" she hiccuped at the end.
"tum logo ko lagta hea ye choti bat hea, I know you think am a fool or an idiot crying on a skipped prayer" she added and sniffled, Aunty looked at me helpless and I gestured her to leave her on me.
"Aunty! I baked banana bread today, Uncle ko buhat pasand hea na to socha le aoon" I told her and she smiled, getting up.
"chalo phir kuch meetha ho jae" she smiled and I nodded giving her a thumbs up. "Meanwhile lemme handle your daughter" I winked and she walked away with a relaxed smile on her face.
"mujhey kuch nai khana" Tehreem refused even before I could offer and I rolled my eyes.
"Tehreem! Come on yar! Stop reacting like a kid"
"Am not reacting, neither am a kid. I know right and wrong, am completely aware of everything even then I jumped into this" she fired back and I frowned.
"into what exactly?"
She looked at me for a brief second before lowering her gaze at her fingers fidgeting in her lap. "I- I was talking to Hu-ssain" she hiccuped again. "pata naheen kab aankh lag gai batein kerty kerty"
"I told you. I told everyone I don't want to talk to him. I told you Aleena this isn't good" she looked up at me with complaint. "in all these past years for the first time... for the first time Aleena! I skipped my tahajjud. I skipped my fajir" she ended her sentence into a whisper as tears again started rolling down.
"So you think Hussain is to be blamed?"
"No" she shook her head sniffling. "it is my fault. I shouldn't have even started this. I should have cleared it before him that I don't want to talk. I should have made myself clear to Hussain and shouldn't have jumped into such a thing which would later on lead me into something like skipping my prayers" she added painfully.
"Acha qaza perh li?" I tried to divert her thoughts from Hussain and from blaming herself, but to my surprise her tears started streaming even more. I rubbed her arm calming her down.
"Farz ki koi qaza nai hoti Aleena! This is all man made excuses" she stated. "jab banda Rabb se or siraf Rabb se muhabbat kerta hea na to kabhi farz qaza nai hota...meri muhabbat mein he koi...
"Oho! Tehreem! Chalo bus us chup ho jao yar!" I pulled her into myself and she rested her forehead on to my shoulder. I rubbed her back.
"you going a little too far okay! I know this is a hell of a thing for you. I can understand though I have only started praying since I met you but still I can tell how bad one feels about this" I tried to calm her down.
"But we are humans Tehreem! You and me, we aren't angels, we aren't perfect. Hum bus insaan hen, jin se khata or ghalti ho jati hea....
"mujh se to gunah ho gaya Aleena! Ek nai do do. Hussain se bat ki, isi liye mera Rabb naraz hea mujh se isi liye mein soti reh gai Aleena! Sooraj nakial ker bhi nai nikla merey liye" she pulled back as she cut me through and I shook my head taking her hands firm in mine.
"Tum ne he to kaha tha k gunah neeyat se hota hea Tehreem! To kia tumhari neeyat thi k tum soti reh jao? Namaz k liye na utho? Han batao?" I asked and she stayed quiet.
"Allah to gunah maf ker deta hea phir ye to khata thi na, maafi mang lo Wo maaf ker de ga"
"Lo bhala! Jitna aj ye ro leen hen Us ne kab ka maaf ker diya ho ga" Suddenly Uncle's voice was heard from the back.
"Assalam-o-Alaikum Sultan Uncle!" I smiled looking at him as I was about to get up, he lightly pressed his palm over my head.
"Walaikum Assalam! Jeeti raho. Betiyan baap k aaney per khari nai hoteen" he stated affectionately and I smiled looking down at the rug.
He sat with Tehreem who was still looking lost and softly moved her hair aside from her face and tucked them at the back of her ear.
"Uncle ap ki beti na buhat roti hea, baarish waley din hui thi na?" I asked frowning and he chuckled a little, while Tehreem gave me dead stare, I rolled my lips inward holding my smile.
"Tehreem beta! Allah nadamat k bus ek aansoo per apney bandey ko maaf ker deta hea" he stated looking at her intently. "wo kab chahta hea k us ka banda ro ro ker nidhaal ho jae? wo neeyaton ka jan'ney wala hea. Rahman hea. Raheem hea. Kareem hea"
"I know. But I dunno why I am not feeling good Abu! I just want to cry" Tehreem hung her head low once again.
"Acha ro to liya, ub or kitna dil chah raha hea meri bachi ka?" he asked softly, making a cute sad face and I smiled at his expressions. "dekho! Ub chup na hueen tum to mein bhi rona shuroo ker doon ga" he threatened her and she looked up at his face with a pout.
"Ro doon mein bhi?" he asked again and Tehreem shook her head, he smiled and pulled her in. "Mera bahadur sher bacha hea ye" he wrapped his arms around her and patted her head who calmly rested her forehead over his chest.
"Tehreem! This is very bad han! Am leaving in a few days and here you are giving me this sad, puffy grumpy face for memories? Too bad okay" I stated crossing my arms at my front and she looked at me, wiping her face once again.
"So who has asked you to fly away? It's your fault" she countered back.
"Aleena beta! tumharey Abba ka to janey ka irada nai tha America. Ye dobara se kia plan ban gaya?" Uncle asked and I heaved up a sigh.
"Nobody actually wanted to go to US uncle! Especially Dad, he was and still is extremely reluctant. But his transfer can't be stopped or even changed this time" I replied and he nodded.
Tehreem looked at me with a meaningful gaze and I shook my head.
"Baap beti ka ho gaya session poora to lets have tea" Aunty announced and I giggled as Sultan Uncle rolled his eyes.
"Come on!" he got up holding her hand.
"Moo dho ker aati hoon Abu! Ap chaliye" she stated and Uncle laughed a little pulling her up.
"bhala kabhi sherniyan bhi moo dhoti hen?" he asked with a frown and Tehreem finally smiled a little.
"Acha chalo! Fresh ho jao and come quick" he added and left us there.
"Thank Allah! That you smile" I popped my eyes out as I stated and she shook her head.
"You must be happy na, in going to US" Tehreem asked as we got up and headed towards her room.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno yar! Am just a little nervous; what if I meet him somewhere...anywhere? What if he recognizes me? Knows about me? what if he hates me?"
"Aleena! Don't talk like this" Tehreem halted in the door frame and pressed her hand over my shoulder. "There is no point of hating you, if you don't hate him then he has no right, no reason to hate you either"
"Whatever happened has happened, it wasn't your fault Aleena!" she stated assuring me and I nodded. My gaze was lowered and I felt my eyes itching.
"Am going to miss you a lot Tehreem!" I stated lowly and she held my hands in hers.
"kon samjhaye ga mujhey ub? Kon wo tamam positive batein kia kare ga mujh se? kon yad dilaye ga k mujhey q bheja gaya hea is duniya mein? Kon ahsas dilaye ga mein utni bhi buri nai hoon" I couldn't look up and meet her gaze, tears falling down.
"Why do I even have to leave you?" I added and she pulled my chin up.
"Because this is going to be the best for you Aleena!" she smiled warmly. "trust me, life is going to be awesome Inn shaa Allah!"
I gulped the lump down in my throat.
"or agar kaheen kisi morr per wo tum se mila bhi to bus yad rakhna k zindagi mein hamarey sath jo bhi hota hea wo bus ek aazmaish hoti hea, kisi ka milna bicharr jana...muhabbat nafrat dosti sab kuch bus ek imtihaan hota hea Rabb ki taraf se. tumhen us imtihaan mein poora uterna hea Aleena!" she looked straight into my eyes, I dunno how and why but her gaze would always work as my battery charger.
And yes... I felt charged, alive.
"And just think what if he knows about you and he longs to meet you just as you do, what if he loves you and misses your presence in his life?" Tehreem tried to show me the brighter view like always and I sighed not being sure.
"If by any means by any chance I am going to meet him, I will make sure he knows about you Tehreem! about the person who actually took me out of the miseries I had created for myself, and showed me the brighter part of life" I stated with a smile and Tehreem mirrored that.
"Werna mein aj bhi us se nafrat ker rahi hoti utni he jitna kuch sal pehley kerti thi, tum se milney se pehley" I added and she shook her head.
"There is simply no point of hating each other, you two were not responsible for whatever happened Aleena! here, you are innocent and there, he has no stains on his part as well"
"I hope we meet then" I prayed quietly.
"Inn shaa Allah!" Tehreem smiled broadly with her puffed eyes, she was looking even cuter.
Along with many other things I just adore this side of her personality where she always forgets her own pain when she sees somebody else in sorrow.
I smiled. "Inn shaa Allah!"
"Tehreem! Aleena! Come on!!! Come down bacho!" we heard Aunty calling us at the top of her lungs and literally jumped off our feet.
Tehreem's POV
Its been a few days since that happened, I didn't talk to Hussain even didn't open my mail box to check anything but I had decided already what I had to do next.
I don't want to become that tehreem I saw in the nightmare, that face , that laughter those swaying hair locks they still haunt me.... And am afraid whatever I was doing was taking me to wrongdoing.
After ending my isha prayer before started revising Quran, I sat down on the bed keeping the laptop over my legs and opened my messenger.
With a long deep inhale I let out a decisive breath and started typing whatever I had thought off, whatever my mind and my heart had complied in all these past days.
Ibraheem's POV
.... And I don't know what you think about my decision Hussain! But this is what I think and feel about my Rabb's decision for me. I believe that if He has chosen you for me as my life partner then there would be no one better than you.
I believe that my Rabb has chosen the best for me and I believe that one day when I will be legally your wife and you will be my mehram that day we will understand each other far better than this day when you are nobody to me and I am none to you.... where we both have no right for any such thing.
I know you don't understand this haram and halal thing but trust me even the slightest of haram affects our lives, even the minutest of haram damages our soul and heart, doesn't matter its haram money or a haram act.
Maybe you feel all this stupid idiotic but I don't want to destroy my relation with my Rabb, jo merey liye sab se ahem hea, sab se zaroori or khoobsurat rishta hea wo .
And yes, I don't evenwant to ruin the relation we are going to have in future, I want a healthy and happy relation Hussain!
Inn shaa Allah.
"Inn shaa Allah!" it slipped my tongue and the next moment I shuddered at the mare thought of what I said.
I read and re read her message, my mind was still not accepting what she stated: she missed her prayer because of a late night conversation?
And she felt that bad.... I mean that bad? Just for skipping one prayer?
What kind of a girl she was? What kind of a human she was? Kabhi kabhi lagta tha mein usey samajhney laga tha mager phir wo mujhey hairaan ker diya kerti thi.....
Aj ek bar phir us mujhey hairaan ker diya tha...
She won't talk to you anymore Ibraheem! She was the first person who actually tried to make you realize where you stand....
Its not that I was missing her or anything in fact she was boring and strange and not my type, not even as a friend but still......
with a deep silent sigh I leaned in the couch, my coffee had already went cold and my mood colder.
Hope you liked it guys :)
Aleena.....any thoughts?????
And the question is:
what do you think about TD till this point? I hope am not boring you guys here :(
Stay tuned for a quicker update ;) Inn shaa Allah
Love you all <3