5.4. Regret

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Chapter 5.4

Tehreem's POV

"Aur neik mardon k liye neik aurten hen or neik aurton k liye neik mard" Surah Noor

My finger halted as I read the translation after the ayah. I dunno why Hussain came in my mind, I felt a lump in my throat, in past few weeks an image was created in my mind of Hussain; bighrey huye? Naheen maybe he is just a little pampered or maybe it's the environment and the place where he lives.

But dunno why for some odd reasons I feel he is going through a tough time in life, as if his heart is restless, as if he needs something...someone. Everytime we talked I felt he wasn't happy, like in the real sense, as if something was missing, as if he was angry with someone.

And the way he talked about Shaista aunty.... I can't believe he said that, I literally had to hide my reaction and keep it to me not showing in my words but it was difficult, Hussain talking about his mother like that just didn't give me a good feeling.

Hum kitney alag hen; starting from life style to likes and dislikes, everything seem completely opposite.

I looked down at the Quran opened wide in front of me, my index still resting firm over the Ayah I left.

Phir kia hua agar hum alag hen, to kia hua agar kuch bhi ek jesa nai.... merey Rabb ne unhen chuna hea merey liye, un se behter merey liye or koi nai ho sakta.

I shouldn't be judging him on mare few chats, who am I to judge him? Its Him who has the right to assess us, judge us. We all stand in front of Him only. Am nobody to pass statements about Hussain.

Shaking the thoughts away I looked down at the Quran and started memorizing once again.

Finishing a couple of hours I revised the part of memorized surah for one last time before closing the Quran and wrapped it up in the cover before I pulled my palms up for dua'a

"Make it easier and easier for me, as without your help and guidance I would never be able to do it. Ya Rabb! you know what lies in my heart and what lies in my soul, you know what is good for me and what is not. You know am weak and timid and my heart is fragile full of wrongdoings and worldly desires, prevent me from the ill thoughts and prevent me from the love of this world"

Since I had started talking to Hussain, I used to pray for him in every salah in every dua'a, though I didn't know what he want from life, what his wishes were, where his heart lies but I always prayed for what is best for him.

"Ya Rabb! guide him and show his heart the right path, your path"

"Ae merey Rabb! tu ne merey liye Hussain ko chuna hea, to woi merey liye behtreen sathi sabit hon ge. Mager najane q ajeeb sa khauf hea, darr hea jo bechain ker deta hea mujhey"

"Mein ne kabhi is sab k barey mein nai socha tha mager ub na chahtey hue bhi sochen nai thamteen."

"Ya Rabb! merey Malik! Agar Hussain he wo sathi hen jis ko Tu ne merey liye chuna hea to phir unhen wesa bana de jesa Tu chahta hea, unhen apna pasandeeda banda bana dey merey Malik! Tu to merey dil ka hal mujh se behter janta hea, phir Hussain k dil ko apni rah per chala de merey Rabb!" a tear escaped the corner of my eye and I blinked letting another rolled down my cheek.

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