Chaelisa/Jensoo- Love Unexpectedly

Jennie's Lili

JENNIE's POV

"I'm sorry Jen. I'm sorry." Lisa repeated over and over.

Sssssssshhhhhh. Just relax Babe, that's it, breathe slowly. Breathe with me.. I got you. " I instructed her as I caress her back.

"I don't know.......what happened.....I, I.. I just.." she was having a hard time talking. She was grasping for air and I'm starting to panic.

"Sshhhhhh stop it. Please focus on me. Breathe slowly...Come on breathe for me Baby...Please.." I pleaded.

"I'm just so fuckin tired of this." she said in between sobs.

"It's okay Babe. Let it out. Nini is here.."

"No one's gonna hurt you here. I got you."

And so I watched her let out a silent cry.

I've seen her cried too many times. But for the first time in a long while, I saw her cry like this again.

And seeing her in that situation really breaks my heart.

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"Are you sure you're okay now?"
I asked Lisa as I scan through her eyes to see if she's lying or not. I just handed her, her warm cup of chocolate milk. We're now settled at my office since told her to stay here for the meantime until she's totally recovered from the incident earlier.

She just gave me a faint smile and nodded.

"I have to. I don't want to disappoint them Jen.."
"I have caused them too much trouble and I don't want them to worry about me anymore. I don't want them to see that after all this time, they will still see me like this..vulnerable and weak." she said with a hint of shame.

"You are not weak Lili. You are just hurting."

"And it's okay to let it out sometimes. You've been carrying that pain for too long.

"Look how it can easily consume you.."

"It's not healthy for you anymore. You have to let it go."

She just gave me a weak smile..

"I just don't know myself anymore Jen.."
"Awhile ago I was completely happy and okay, but then with just a fuckin scent I snapped.

"You know how well I can handle my emotions now.

But what scares me the most is to be reminded of those memories when I least expected it.

"I was caught off-guard."

"I never wanted this..Its fuckin tiring and frustrating knowing how long I took  just to put back all the shattered pieces of myself so I can be whole again only to be shattered again by just a simple fuckin scent. How her memories can easily take over my whole being."

"I'm just so tired from all of these.."

"For once, I just want to be genuienely happy." she whispered wiping her tears.

It pained me seeing how broken she is..
I have known Lisa for more than half of my life and I have witnessed how sad and tragic her life was.

She had been through a lot but this, this is by far her worst.

I sat beside her and wrapped her in my arms.

"Forgiveness Lili.."

"You have to forgive yourself, not because you are the reason behind your sufferings but because you've been too hard on yourself."