MODERN CINDERELLA

CHAPTER - 25

Dear Nick,

                    I know what you are thinking... Why's this letter when I can tell you all this myself? Actually there are somethings I want to tell that often I feel too awkward to say in front of you. I know our relationship hasn't always been good through these years. And for that I want to ask your forgiveness. I don't wanna lie to you, I didn't even thought about our relation before than yesterday.

                    After what happened yesterday, I was disturbed with the accusations what you made. I was thinking the whole night about that, even in the morning today. Then I realize something.... that you were right in some ways. Your accusations of me not being a good father is true. I couldn't  be the good father what you needed that time and even now. When you needed me most, I was thinking about myself that time, totally abandoned you by yourself just with the help of the nanny. When you needed a family, a reassurance from your father that all things would be alright; that time what did I do? I just abandoned you to an outsider. And not long after, I just married to Anne without telling you beforehand or anything about it.It must be shocked to you. But I didn't think about any of this before than yesterday. I didn't give you the time which you needed the most to adjust yourself to the news of our divorce and my re-marriage with Anne. Also I wasn't there with you either to go through the whole situation. I was and even now I am selfish, only thinking about myself. For that matter, for all of doing this to you, I am sorry.

                  But I also want you to know something important. Your accusation of Anne was the reason behind me and your mother's divorce, it's not true, son. It's not true at all. I don't know from where you got this information or maybe you got it on your own due to the timing of divorce and marriage, but you are wrong. Anne was the savior of mine that time. If Anne isn't there for me that time, I don't know if you could see me now alive..

                     Yeah, I tired to take my life away. I know it'll be shocking to hear, but I did try to commit suicide. 

        At that time, no one knew what I was going through except Anne. I don't know, after all this year if you would believe me or not, but I loved your mother; I really did love her. I don't know what happened that day and I don't want to remember that pain again, but it caused to our divorce. And after our divorce I was in depression; slightly at first. When it started, I drove away the thought of depression, I drown myself in work as much as I could to forget about your mother. But my depression had gotten much more worse than I imagined ; also during that time the business was running at lose. So I was lost hope in everything and tried to commit suicide. That time, I didn't think about you or anything else; only thought about my pain, my lose, myself and when I couldn't take it anymore, I committed suicide by cutting my wrist deeply. I lost way too much blood and was senseless. I thought, I was dead; but I wasn't. 

          When I opened my eyes again, I was at the hospital. And Anne was there. Anne saw me senseless and a pool of blood dripping from my wrist, she called the hospital for me and stayed beside me till I opened my eyes. I found later that she was not long ago was in an accident, and released from hospital that day. She went to stroll that park where she lost her husband and child in the accident and saw me lying on my own pool of blood. After that we got close or rather say, pain had brought ourselves close to each other and we got married not long after. But what I want to say that if she wasn't came into my life that time, I don't know what had happen to me or to you.  

                I knew I never said to you before, but I love you son much more than what I thought and Anne does too. She loves you more than her own child, if she had. When I told about you to her, she wanted to meet you instantly. After marriage, she was way too much happy to see you and wanted to love and cherish you. But you pushed away her. She tried again and again, but you pushed away every time. She cried alone in the room whenever you pushed her away, but never complained to me. She always told me that you would change for good really soon or might be understand her and accepted her. But I couldn't take it any more. A woman who lost her child, but accepted you as a son, but couldn't shower her love to him; it's too much painful to watch her everyday dejected, I just couldn't take it. I thought to adopt for another child since she couldn't conceive for the damage that accident caused her and told her about it. But she not only refused strongly, even made me promise to not talk about adoption again. She told me that she already had a son and didn't need any. She accepted you as a son a very long time ago. But you never accepted her.... But I couldn't blame you for that. You just acted what you thought was right. The only fault was from me. If I ever told you all these before or ever showed you how I felt back then, it wouldn't have happened. Maybe we haven't grown apart. But what's matter is most this now. And this time I want to give us a chance again.