The Pessimist

~Chapter 40~

Olive Gail

The plane journey back to London was excruciating. It broke my heart to leave Harry but I had no choice. I couldn't just carry on as if everything was ok. That would be unfair to myself. Yet walking away was agony.
I tried to contain my tears on the journey home, only letting a few tears slide before blaming the tears on allergies of anyone asked what was wrong.
I was relieved to see Mum waiting in the car at the exit of the airport.
As I reached her I dropped the bag on my shoulder and she took me into her arms. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.
I sobbed onto her shoulder as she rubbed my back.
"Come on now. That's enough. Deep breaths" she whispered and I followed her instructions.
I slung my bag into the car before clambering in myself.

"What happened?" Mum asked putting a reassuring hand on my leg.
"Harry deleted messages I got from Nick before I could see them and lied about it trying to keep me away from my own phone" I sighed.
"Darling I'm sorry. It just wasn't meant to work out" she sighed and I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes once more.
"I really really started to think that I could," I started but I stopped, trying to swallow back the hurt.
"Could what?"
"Could start to love him" I said, my voice coming out soft and broken.

Yet there was something else playing on my mind.
"How's Ivy?" I asked and mum shrugged.
"She's doing ok. I mean she's still in hospital but she's gaining strength. She's strong that woman I'll tell you" Mum smiled.
"Why didn't you phone me and tell me?"
"Nick said he wanted to tell you and to leave it to him. I thought it would be a good idea considering you two know Ivy best and work together" she said and it made sense but it didn't make it any easier.
"I want to go and see her" I decided.
"It's late now. But tomorrow I promise I will take you. Or get Nick to take you?" Mum suggested and I sighed.
I guessed it would be nice to see Nick.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as soon as I got into bed and dialled his number. It didn't take him long to answer.
"Hey" he groaned and I realised I should have waited until morning to call him considering it was one am.
"Sorry I didn't even consider the time" I said and I heard him laugh deeply.
"It's ok. How are you?"
"Not good. Could you pick me up in the morning to go and see Ivy?" I asked.
"Of course I can Ol'. I'll pick you up at nine?" He asked and I smiled.
"Thanks Nick."
"No problem. I'm going to bed now" he said and it was my turn to laugh.
"Night" I giggled and he hung up immediately.

As I rested my head on my pillow I debated whether to call Harry. I should let him know I was home safely at least. Yet he hadn't rung me to find out. I guess I would have to be the bigger person.
With a shaking hand I dialled his number and waited for his husky voice to pick up.
It didn't take long.
"Olive?"
My breath hitches in my throat as I heard that his voice sounded groggy and more husky than ever before. But it still made my heart flutter at the sound of it. It almost made me want to burst into tears all over again.
"I-I just wanted to let you know that I'm home safely" I said trying to push my voice to sound more powerful.
"Olive can we please talk?"
"No. No Harry. Not now." I said quickly.
"Seriously? Please Ol'!" He said, his voice breaking slightly.
"Harry I just need time to think"
"Are we together?" He asked and I felt a lump sitting in my throat.
I wanted Harry. I wanted him more than I could explain. But I needed him to see that I was hurt. I wanted him to see that he couldn't just do that to me and expect me to roll over and give in.
"No Harry. We're not. I'm sorry" I said before quickly hanging up the phone.
I didn't want to explain. He should have known why we couldn't be together now.
The lies and the messing with my phone was almost a betrayal of my trust.
Trust was something I never had for people. I started to trust Harry. Now I didn't know if I did trust him. But I knew that deep within my heart that I had started to love him.