The Pessimist

~Chapter 19~

Olive Gail

"Do we have to talk?" I groaned and looked at Harry.
I didn't really want to talk to him about the girl he slept with last night. It would just make me more frustrated with him.
"Yes we do have to talk because what happened wasn't right" Harry sighed. I couldn't read the expression on his face. He was a closed book in that moment. He shuffled closer and turned so he was facing me. I shifted my eyes around so I didn't have to meet his. I knew that if I looked into those eyes I wouldn't be able to resist it. I would get those butterflies in my stomach that I only felt when I was around him.
I looked to the floor as I heard him sigh. I really didn't want to be sat having this conversation.

"You've proved me right" I said fiddling with the sleeves of my jumper.
"What are you talking about?"
"Love. Love can't exist. There's too many temptations and too many desires that someone will eventually get hurt." I said.
"No no this isn't over" he said and I almost swooned at the sight of his smile.
"It has to be over Harry. I'm not being made a fool of thinking you actually might like me, just for you to be shagging someone else. It's not fair. I know that's not fair on me" I explained. He flinched at my harsh tone and even I was taken back by it.
"Look I can explain ok? Will you listen to me?" He asked and I nodded. "Last night I was frustrated. I was frustrated that you pulled away when I tried to kiss you. I went to a club to release some stress and ended up taking Elle home. Honestly, I wasn't thinking fairly. I was only thinking about how I felt and my needs."
Part of me just wanted to shut off and not take in what he had said. I didn't really want to believe it. I shook my head and looked away from him.

It was my fault.
I couldn't kiss him.
Thant's what had caused all of this.
I shook my head and looked him dead in the eye.
"Do you know how hard it was for me? I want to kiss you. I just can't. I have no idea how. If I had kissed you it would have just been embarrassing. I don't think you understand how big of a deal this is for me." I said trying to stop my eyes from getting watery.
"I'm sorry ok. I really am. I didn't think what this would be like for you I didn't. I just thought about my needs" he said and I nodded.
"I know. I can see that. It just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not ready to do anything like that so how am I going to trust that you're just not going to go out and do this every time I don't do anything with you?" I asked.
Part of me thought that I should have never got into this in the first place.
It was so stupid.
Harry didn't say anything he simply stared at me with those bright green eyes.
"You seriously don't have anything to say?" I asked.
"I can't tell you anything else other than I'm sorry" he said.
"It's fine"
"What?"
"You're not my boyfriend. I shouldn't be getting this angry. It doesn't matter" I said standing up. "No one would truly want to be my boyfriend Harry. I'm not dumb."

Harry Styles

As she walked away into the kitchen my heart hurt for her. I hated that she thought that way and it was my fault. She was so lovely and I hated this.
I quickly followed her into the kitchen where I saw her stood with her head held over the sink. As soon as I heard sniffles my heart fell. I walked over to her and put a hand on her arm.
"You don't understand what it's like. I feel so alone most of the time. No one wants to be with me. I have to keep this hard outer exterior to keep myself sane. Mum goes to work most the time. I'm left on my own. I drive myself into a hole thinking about how lonely I am sometimes. It's so horrible Harry. I enjoy my own company, but not every minute of every day." Olive said and I wanted to cry at her words.

I thought I was lonely.
But her level of loneliness was much worse than I could wish for anyone.
She needed a friend.
She needed love and comfort.
She needed me.
We needed each other.

"Olive"
"No no. I don't want your sympathy." She said sniffling back her tears.
"Can I give you a hug?" I asked and she turned slowly to face me. She gave me a small nod and I saw her close to tears again as I took her into my arms. 
I held her tight as she cried into my tshirt.
"I'm sorry" she mumbled against my chest.
"Don't apologise. There's no need for you to be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry." I said and she wrapped her arms around me.
I closed my eyes and thrived in the feeling of holding someone close to me genuinely. Not sexual. Not tense. Not drunkenly. Just genuinely.
"Can I make it up to you?" I asked and felt her nod.
"Ok"
"How about you come over to mine at some point this week and I'll cook for you?" I said.
Olive pulled away and a smile came through the tears.
"Ok. I'd like that."
"How about Friday?" I asked and she nodded. "I'll still see you for lunch every day yeah?"
"Yes please" she sniffed and I nodded, planting a kiss on the top of her head, pulling her close to me again.
As much as I didn't truly believe it yet, I knew I needed Olive. She was good for me.