The Pessimist

~Chapter 15~

Olive Gail

I wasn't sure how to feel about what happened with Harry. I couldn't kiss him. I didn't know how to kiss. If I had kissed him it would just have been embarrassing for me. I couldn't tell how he felt about it though. He didn't say anything and I didn't know how to bring something like that up in conversation. Then again I thought it was a bit soon to be kissing one another. We had only been on one date. Although when I tell mum she'll probably scold me and tell me it was the perfect scenario for us to have our first kiss.
I was so unsure of myself. This was all so foreign to me. Are you supposed to kiss on the first date? I think anyone would think I was daft for not kissing a man like Harry on the first date. Even part of me thought I was daft. But I couldn't let myself be embarrassed infront of him. Not yet. Maybe on the second date, or maybe I'll just explain to him that I've never kissed anyone and he'll understand.

"Thank you for tonight Harry it was lovely" I said as we walked down to my house. His hands were shoved in his jeans pocket and his eyes fixated to the floor.
"No problem" he said and a small smile came on his face but disappeared as soon as it came. We came up to my steps and I sighed.
"Well. Thank you for taking me home" I said and he nodded.
I knew I should say something but I just didn't know how.
"Harry are you ok?" I asked and it was only then that his eyes met mine.
"What? Yes! Yeah I'm good. I've had a wonderful evening I've just got a lot on my mind." He said and I nodded.
"I know how it feels" I said pushing a half smile on my face.
"So, when do you get time off?" Harry asked looking at the floor.
"Whenever I want really."
"Good to know" he smirked and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Why?"
"Nothing. Just for future reference" he said and I nodded, feeling slightly warmed by the fact that he could see me in his future.
"Oh ok. Well. Goodnight Harry. Thanks again" I said and unsurely wrapped my arms around his waist, to which he wrapped his arms around me.
"No problem" he said and started walking away from my house.

As he turned round the corner I slapped my forehead. God I was so stupid.
"Fuck!" I yelled and kicked the metal gate. "Oh shit that hurt" I groaned shaking my ankle.
"You shouldn't have kicked the gate then" I heard from behind me. I turned to see mum standing in the doorway a smile on her face.
"Well. I didn't know it was going to hurt like that" I whined and walked into the house as mum held the door open.
I took my shoes off and slumped onto the sofa as mum came to sit next to me.
"So, I saw what happened, or, what didn't happen" Mum said but I shook my head, my hands covering my face.
"No you didn't." I said and she sighed.
"Then tell me"
"The movie had finished and he leant in to kiss me but then I chickened out and pulled away." I said and she groaned.
"Oh Olive."
"I've never kissed anyone! I couldn't embarrass myself and kiss him when I had no idea what I was doing. Besides, I don't even think you're meant to kiss on the first date" I said and folded my arms.
"You want to kiss him?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I dunno. Part of me does and part of me doesn't." I said.
"Why wouldn't you?" She asked.
"Because I've never done it before and if we kiss then it's real and I'm still unsure about this whole relationships thing" I explained but mum just shook her head.
"You can't go round thinking that everyone is going to hurt you and just shut everyone out. There are some good guys out there and I think Harry is one of them. Just give him a chance. Besides, just because you kiss doesn't mean your his girlfriend" mum said and winked.
"It doesn't?"
"No. He has to ask you or you have to ask him. If you kiss, well then that's just a kiss" she said and it was as if a light had popped on in my head.
She was right.
A kiss was just a kiss.