The Pessimist

~Chapter 17~

Olive Gail

I had to talk to Harry about last night.
He probably thought I was weird for not kissing him but he had to understand.
I tried messaging him last night but he never responded, so I planned to go and surprise him with breakfast.
I got dresses that morning into a pair of black mom jeans and paired it with a chunky knit purple cardigan with three large buttons going up the middle. I made an effort and brushed my hair after applying my usual everyday makeup.
"Are you sure he's awake?" Mum asked as I bounded down the stairs.
"No. But he once told me he likes to make sure he's up by nine every morning when he doesn't have work and it's nine now so by the time I get there I'm sure he'll be up" I said and she nodded.
"I'm glad you've found him" she said.
"Well, I guess, nothings really happened"
"No. But you have someone to talk to now. And I like to see that" she smiled and I nodded as I slipped on my vans and grabbed my yellow raincoat before walking out of the door.

I didn't know what he liked but I picked him up a cafe made pastry and coffee on the way to his house.
The underground wasn't too busy and I was glad for that and i was glad that I remembered which house he told me was his from last night.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment before knocking on his door. I prayed I hadn't made a mistake and picked the wrong house. But I was almost one hundred percent sure that it was this house.
I shuffled around on my feet as I heard noise coming from inside the house. I had a moment of regret. I shouldn't have come here. It was stupid really.
But I didn't have time to turn and run before the door to the house slowly opened.
I heard myself gasp lightly as it was a woman who opened the door.
She must have been about twenty eight and was most likely a model. She was slim and her long blonde hair flowed over her shoulders. From what I could see she was only wearing a long t shirt making me feel uncomfortable. She was so intimidating and I felt so small and insecure.
"Can I help you?" She said with a yawn and I was still taken back.
"Is Harry here?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yeah he is. What's he to you?" She asked.
"Well, Erm, nothing"
"Good. Because if he's your boyfriend then I'm sorry to say but we slept together last night. Several times. Sorry girl" she said with a shrug.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" I asked and she sighed before looking back into the house.
"I'm nothing to Harry if that's what you're getting at. It was just a quick fling" she said and I couldn't believe that this was nothing to her. "Are you sure he's not your boyfriend? You seem pretty taken back for him to just be nothing to you"
"He's just a guy I know."
"I think he's still asleep. But I can tell him that you dropped by" she said.
"No need." I scoffed and turned on my heel, facing away from the girl.
"He said he was single" she said putting a hand on my shoulder and I smiled.
"He is" I said before walking away from the house.

I felt so stupid. More than stupid. I felt like a naive little girl. Melanie was right. I was just a naive child. I don't know why I ever thought someone like Harry would want to be with someone like me. I don't know why I ever thought that something like this could work and be real for me.

I felt the frustration grow as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I hated crying. It was stupid. I hated the fact that I was crying over Harry. I was stronger than this.

Yet something in my heart told me I wasn't strong at all. The stone wall around my heart and my emotions was staying unbroken, when all I truly wanted was for someone to smash the wall.
Evidently that someone was not Harry Styles.

I didn't stay home for long. I grabbed the coffee, pastry and Gerty and left the house again, tears still leaving their scars down my face. Mum wasn't home which was good. I didn't want to be asked any questions right now.

I walked into the park and sat down on the grass, Gerty sitting down beside me, her tongue protruding from her mouth, her little eyes closed in the sunlight.
"Why do boys have to be such dicks? Just because they have dicks doesn't mean they have to be dicks" I sighed, Gerty giving no response and instead just flopped onto her stomach.
"You're no help" I smiled and ran my hand down her back.
I sipped on the coffee as I sat in the sun, trying not to think about what had happened.
I felt so stupid.
I should have stuck to my guns.
Love doesn't exist. It can't exist. As soon as you try and let someone in they hurt you, and I didn't want to have to deal with that. Not anymore.