𝐙𝐚𝐫𝐚|𝟏| [𝟏𝟖+] ✔

Chapter 48

Thomas is distant, barely speaking to me.

It has been a long time since Theo left, left us. Months since he walked out of the hall without a glance at me.

I miss him, it's like all those puzzle piece finally locked in and I can't study the image because he isn't here.

I have been to the pond every night since wrapped up in Theo's coat and talking away to Baby Coulter.

I don't know what else to call him, he can have my surname.

This night isn't cold, dragging my feet on the dirt below the swing that my ass just fits into, the wind is barely even a slight breeze and the moon is bright enough that I didn't need my torch.

I keep having these niggling tense pains that last a few minutes then fade since yesterday. Jane said it was my body preparing itself, feeling around my stomach and informing me the head is now in position.

I'm going to experience something that will change my life forever, change my body and even the way I carry myself. I need to be strong for my child, show him that I can do this with or without Theo.

In all honesty, I miss him.

I miss him so much that my eyes water and I have to sit down when I think about him. Jane has sat with me multiple times as I lay my head on her shoulder and let it all out, sobbing until I fell asleep.

I know he left because he didn't think he could be a good father. I mean, I don't think I'd make a good mother but you don't see me running.

If I could see him one more time, just once more, I would tell him that I'm in the same position as him, that we could work together to be the best parents we could possibly be and ensure the safety of our child.

The way Thomas has been with me has been quite the eye-opener that we shouldn't be together, if he loved me then he would stand by my side no matter what.

Would Theo act the same as him though?

Would he turn his nose up when he saw the stretch mark's over my belly, back and breasts?

Would he hold my hand while I struggled to sleep, walk with me while I strolled in the night and rub my back when the pain was unbearable like Jane does?

A part me of me thinks we would.

I shouldn't be nagging at Thomas to talk to me about baby names and how the fuck we were going to feed, clothe and find diapers for the baby.

It should be Theo.

What if he escaped already and found someone else, taking her out on dates and having the life I wished I had with him.

Then, my body shivers at the very thought... what if our fathers found him, would he be alive?

"So, this is where you run off to, it's a bit risky hiding away out here with who knows out there lurking." Drew appears, walking down the lane to where I sit on the swings, I smile at him as he takes the swing next to me.