Black Leather Jackets: College Bound

Funeral

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have to miss the dance

I think back to all the dances we shared and give a small smile.
The song is such a pinpoint on us
It ends and the minister person starts talking.
"Not, how did she die, but how did she live?
Not, what did she gain, but what did she give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a woman as a woman, regardless of her birth.
Nor what was her church, nor what was her creed?
But had she befriended those really in need?
Was she ever ready, with words of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when she passed away?" He starts "when Toni approached me, and asked to begin this ceremony- that passage immediately came to my mind. Today we are here to mourn someone that a lot of people looked up to. Not only as the activist she was, not as the veteran, but also as a mother and a wife. Look around you, at all the people, all these people this young woman has touched and changed. I could stand up here and tell you the simple story, the 27 year old, mother of 4, served 5 years in the United States armed forces, an amputee, a 4x all American football player, 2x NCAA champion, 4x Global, national, state, and regional champion, twice as a player and twice a coach, holder of 15 international football records. Wife, Coach, Ivy League graduate. That is what Toni Topaz is on paper, and that's what she gave me.  Toni Topaz was also a role model and a person who will be in the history books. Over the short 27 years she was on earth- toni broke down multiple barriers and truly left Riverdale, and the USA better than before she was here. While she lived, people that knew Toni knew her to be almost immortal, not because of what she went through but because of who she is, in the words of Emily Dickinson "Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality," this is true for Toni. She lives in all of your hearts, and your memories," he says "Cheryl Topaz will now come up and read a eulogy,"
I put Mia on Robbies lap and walk up to the microphone
"Anyone who knew Toni said the same thing: she was a hard worker who loved with all of her being. Born on August 17th, 2000 as Antoniette Topaz in Riverdale New York, but known to friends and family as Toni, to a Mother and Father who were both drug dealers, with an older brother, Aaron who passed away 12 years ago and a younger one coming years later, Timmy who has also passed away, - Toni's life was one that was uncertain what she would be. Growing up, Toni believed she would too end up like her parents, in a loveless marriage, unable to support children. Much of her early childhood was spent between trailers, junkyards, and tents on the side of the road. It was by chance that I met To I when I did. Our love was hard, I was in a bad relationship and she was in a hard part of her teenage years. But we made it work and Toni became my home.." my voice cracks and I start crying "at sixteen we lived together because we had no one else, she became my rock and the only reason I survived. At 17 she proposed before we even graduated high school and I knew she was my future. And then at 18 we moved to California. Toni loved it out there, I remember one year having to forcibly drag her to airport because we had to come home, but Toni loved it. We were married at nineteen and spent a year travelling after university, that's when we settled back into Riverdale and had our first child, Alexis Jayla Topaz- while Toni was still overseas. When Toni returned with 1.5 legs we decided to have another, a boy Tony Reginald James Topaz, and then our third Mia Olivia Elizabeth Topaz. During these crazy years in our life, Toni and I also adopted a 14 year old boy Robert Topaz. Toni wanted a big family- and that's what we had. She was the fun mom, she knew how to tell stories in funny voices, she gave them candy without telling me, but most importantly she made the kids feel safe and loved. As much as she wanted a big family she had doubts about how she would be as a mother. She was confident in every other aspect of her life- just ask reggie, he begged me to let Lexi play football so she could break her records and wouldn't have to listen to Toni beg anymore- but she had never had a mother figure, she had to figure everything out on her own. The way Toni acted with Robbie, Lexi, Tony Junior, and Mia- you would've thought she had the perfect life growing up. Toni also had another child, Charlie whom she never met or held or saw, but she carried them with her since the day they died. Charlie Timothy Quinton Topaz would be 12 right now, but unfortunately Toni was shot and the fetus didn't survive long enough for Toni to make that decision herself. She lived Charlie until the day she passed away. When Toni found out she was ill,"
I stutter and try to regain my control
"W-when Toni.."
I start crying and turn around to face the casket
"Take your time Cheryl," Reggie says coming up and hugging me.
"I can't do it Reggie, we still have so much story unwritten,"
"Cher.. you can- your speech is amazing, Toni's proud of you okay?"
I nod and stand up again
"I'm sorry about that," I say readjusting the mic "when Toni grew ill I was devastated, everyone was. She hid it from me for a few months since I had just learned about my pregnancy and knew I'd stress myself out too much. She had so much life left in her, and I think we as a society will feel this loss for years to come. She was always full of love and light and smiles. No matter what, and that's why she was the first person anyone called when they had a problem or a bad day. It's times like this when I would give almost anything for a hug from her and it's been four days. I didn't know how to wrap this up, because there are so many more things I wish I could say about her and to her. But more importantly I know her story is not finished, I know for a long time Toni will be remembered and her story will live on. But for now I want to speak to her. Toni, my beautiful, loving, strong, amazing wife- May you find peace in whatever game next for you, and may you never be forgotten by anyone and I swear never by me. I love you Toni Topaz"
I look up, and for a split second I see a pink haired person standing and smirking at the back of the room
It's Toni and she waves, winks, blows me a kiss
And walks away