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Exites self-censure

Hi again. I also had a question about a specific moment in The Raven King(?) when Andrew and Neil were in the Exy store looking at heavy rackets. Right before Andrew left there was a moment that felt very..."substantial". I surmised that part of it had to do with Andrew revealing too much and trying to keep Neil (or himself?) from saying something troublesome but if you could explain it in more detail I'd be 5ever grateful.

What was Andrew worried he'd say at Excites? When Neil protested that he isn't a lost cause? Why did this made him react?

But that's what makes you interesting. It's also what makes you dangerous. I should know better by now. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was.

As Neil later guesses, Andrew's censoring himself before his mouth gets away from him. It's not his sexuality that Andrew's avoiding, but that attraction to Neil that's starting to feel a little less like (ill-advised) lust and a little bit more like poison crawling under his skin. Shutting Neil up keeps Neil from pressing a conversation Andrew refuses to have yet. They sort of finish it in King's Men, when Neil realizes Andrew is willing to let Aaron go if it means keeping Neil:

"Last I checked you hated me," Neil said against Andrew's mouth.
"Everything about you," Andrew said.
Neil pushed himself up a bit. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am."
"And I'm not as smart as I thought I was," Andrew said. "I know better than to do this again. Perhaps it's the self-destructive streak in me?"

Neil would've had an easier time of it if he'd realized only one of them was talking about Exy:

Neil tried to stamp out his frustration but couldn't stop all of a sigh. "Would it kill you to let something in?"
"It almost did last time," Andrew said.
He said it matter-of-factly, but Neil still winced when he realized his misstep. He reached out but stopped his hand a careful distance from Andrew's arm. Andrew's long sleeves and bands hid his scars but Neil remembered how they felt under his fingers.
"This is different," Neil said. "The only one in your way now is you. You really could be Court one day, but you can't get there if you won't try."

((I know better than to let you in; I know better than to let you be the death of me))