The Foxhole Court Tumblr

Has Abby seen Andrew's scars?

Has Abby seen Andrew's scars?

I remember combining this question with another question, because I thought the two worked well together, but really, this answer feels like a walking trigger. (technically all three books needed a trigger warning but it's a little late for that). Second question & the full answer will be below the cut.

Second question: Were Andrew's scars from suicide attempts or self-injury?

Andrew isn't particularly interested in living until he meets Neil but he's not interested in dying, either. The scars are from a period of self injury, where Andrew was trying to stake claim over a body that too many others were trying to take away from him. They were a means of regaining some semblance of control, and cutting let Andrew decide how much pain he wanted to feel. Not all of the cuts left scars, but even those that left a mark weren't overly deep. Andrew couldn't risk damaging his arms permanently–it'd mean he wouldn't be able to fight back the next time someone crawled into his bed.

Andrew didn't cover them up because he regretted them or was ashamed of them; he buried them beneath armbands when he moved to South Carolina because he knew how people would look at them. If someone saw his scars and thought weak, thought depressed, thought prey, there'd be at least one body he'd have to hide and Andrew didn't have time to scope out appropriate grave sites in an unfamiliar area. He had his hands full with Aaron's issues and Nicky's abrupt entry into his life. So he put the bands on, called them a joke, and moved on.

((Neil seeing them in Columbia was the worst possible timing, because Andrew knew Neil would make the connection between rape and scars, and the last thing he wanted or needed was for someone like Neil to pity him. He didn't yet understand that Neil didn't have it in him to pity anyone.))

Abby found out about Andrew's scars because there's no way she would've let him sit through an entire physical with his forearms covered. Andrew was sky-high on his medication then, and at the time it amused him more to see her reaction to the truth than it did to make her work for it. He didn't even hesitate when she told him to pull them off.

She demanded answers, of course, because if Andrew was "unstable" she needed to warn someone (e.g. Wymack and Betsy). Andrew waved aside her "exaggerated attempt to appear concerned", but Abby pressed the matter until Andrew made her take a closer look.

Hey, Abby, me to you, you to me. You've heard what they say about us, yes? You've heard what they say about me, and you believe at least some of it. Oh, it's so boring when you try to lie. I see it in the way you look at me. So tell me something, if you would: do you honestly think that if I wanted to kill someone, whether it was myself or someone else, that I would fail so spectacularly at it so many times? How rude.

Abby eventually took his word for it, accepted his explanation that the scars were years old and wouldn't get company anytime soon, and decided not to talk to Wymack about it yet.

She called Betsy as soon as Andrew left.