Chapter 44

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(( I got told some pretty horrible news yesterday morning, my uncle has been sick for a while now, but yesterday they found out he has a cancerous tumor in his stomach, but that's also not where the cancer came from so he may have it somewhere else in his body which might be a sign that he's fighting a losing battle :(, and his son's wife also just had a baby a day before they found out which Is both good and bad. We are all being optimistic and hoping for the best, he's a strong man and I believe he can pull through:). Anyway, on a less serious note, I started a new fanfiction that I will be writing it's called 'The Glee Club [z.m] ' and If you could check it out that would mean soooo much! I hope you enjoy this chapter, ily all!))

...

songs;

Sigma ft. Paloma Faith; Changing

Annie Lennox; Shining Light

Simon and Garfunkel; Sound of Silence

Florence and the Machine; You Got the Love

...

* Elana's point of view *

As soon as I lost his touch I felt my world crumble beneath me. I was completely his, while he wasn't even partially mine. I thought when you loved someone unconditionally, the other half did to, and what hurts the most is I can't even bring myself to say 'I don't love you anymore" because I do, I fucking love him. I can't describe how much I love him, but I guess that's the point of love isn't it? To love is to be destroyed, everyone knows that.

I never believed people when they said love hurts, and maybe that's because I had never been in love before. I had loved people, but I wasn't really in love. But it does hurt, it fucking hurts.

I always thought I ignited fire in his eyes, but I soon realized it was just the reflection of the one he lit in mine.

*

"Elana? Hey, It's Perrie." She had been phoning me non stop for the past 2 weeks, though I wasn't in any state to answer, I had been cooped up in Harvey's apartment for the past 14 days. I wasn't ready to tell my parents about Niall and Todd. I didn't think I ever would be.

"Hey, Perrie. Sorry look I can't talk right n-"

"Cut the shit Elana, I know you're not happy, I can hear it in your voice. I know what he did was a dick move, but you need to either forgive him or move on." She huffed. "You just left, you never said goodbye to me, you just left, and I miss you Elana. Please come back." She begged, her mood changing completely within seconds.

"I'm sorry Perrie I can't come back. I can't walk around campus when every single thing reminds me of him, and especially when volleyball practice starts again, Cassie will make my life hell and, I don't know. I just can't deal with that." She made a crying noise, much like a five year old child who didn't get their way. "I still don't understand how you can just go on with Zayn knowing now what he works as, It just makes me feel really uneasy." I shivered, thinking momentarily about all of those innocent girls, snatched from their everyday lives and forced to have sex with sleazy rich men.

"Look Elana, I know it sounds stupid, and don't get me wrong it makes me feel uneasy too, but he's the father of my child for pete sake, I need him, and I know you need Niall too." She whispered the last part, letting a breath of air out afterwards.

"I don't need him, not anymore." I lied.

"Fine, but promise me you'll visit me at least twice a month, and when baby Malik comes, yeah?" I smiled. "And promise you'll come with me to the gender scan?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." I laughed, "I'm so excited for you two, you'll be amazing parents." I gushed.

I heard a door opening and muffled voices, "Right uh well, um. I have to go. I'll talk later Elana." She rushed, "Love you girly."

"Uh, okay. Love you t-" I was cut off with the beep showing the call was over.

"Missy, we need to get you off this couch and in the shower, you smell." He scrunched up his nose, pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

"I don't smell that b- oh." I laughed, standing up and making my way into the bathroom, I quickly pulled off the clothes I had been wearing for the past week and jumped in the shower, rubbing the vanilla scented shampoo into my head, then conditioner and rubbing body wash into my body. I shaved my armpits and legs before jumping out, wrapping a towel around my body and another around my hair.

"That's better, now. Get ready, I'm taking you to meet my friends." He winked, clicking his fingers like the goddamn fairy godmother.

"I don't want to go out Harvey, I want to stay here and drown my sorrows in ice cream and tumblr." I scowled, but he just rolled his eyes in response, shoving some clothes into my chest and pushing me back into the bathroom. I wore a pair of black jeans with rips at the knees, a white laser cut top with a charcoal cable knit cardigan and my cut out Chelsea boots.

"Now you look presentable." He winked, handing me my handbag before we left the house to meet his friends.

( THERE IS QUITE A LOT OF TIME JUMPS IN THIS CHAPTER, DUE TO THE FACT IT WILL GET BORING TO WRITE FOR LOADS OF CHAPTERS ABOUT THEIR BREAKUP, IM SORRY )

* Niall's point of view *

It had been 5 weeks since I had last seen or heard from Elana. She had deleted my number, and there was so many times I wanted to do the same, but every time I went to delete the name 'Elana💗' I couldn't do it, I couldn't bring myself to delete all the texts we had shared, the memories had meant something to me, they still do. Whether they mean something to her or not.

I had tried to drown my pain in liquor and my frat boy ways, but as yet another girl walked out of my room, makeup smudged and heels in hand because I had called them by her name, I realized the only name I would ever forget by getting drunk would be the girl that was in front of me, not the one on my mind. I wondered why hearing her name hurt so much, how just a simple array of letters could make me stop everything I was doing and think about her, her hair, her eyes, her smile, her laugh.

It hurt to hear Perrie and Zayn discussing their future, and as selfish as it sounded, I wish they weren't as happy as they were, because If Zayn felt somewhat near what i did, maybe I wouldn't feel as bad.

But yet again I came to the conclusion that I deserved this, I brought it on myself and I should have at least told her earlier what my occupation was, and not let Cassie get the better of me. As if it wasn't bad enough the first time It had to happen again. Cassie had something over me, she was attractive and she was great in the sack, but I didn't want her, I wanted Elana, and If by the chance that she ever did forgive me, I didn't want to have to tell her I slept with multiple girls after we did so I stopped. I just drank after that, drinking myself into oblivion. It helped a little, but nothing could ever mask the dull ache in the pit of my stomach when I saw a blonde girl and was immediately reminded of my girl. I had no right to call her that, but even If she wasn't mine, she would always be mine. It was Elana and Niall. It always would be, whether we were together or 700 miles apart.

*

(This was sort of a filler, I'm sorry to say there will be maybe 2 more of these chapters, because I don't want to jump right to it, I want to build tension ;), anyway, I hope you liked that chapter and don't forget to check out 'The Glee Club [z.m]' It's a little different from anything I've written before:), ily all!!!))

qotd; What's your favourite tv programmes?

aotd; orange is the new black, skins, gossip girl, glee, 90210, suits and pretty little liars

Also, I want to dedicate this chapter to rachel_d_xx because she has literally been here since the start and has commented on basically all of the chapters and she's so lovely! Thank you beautiful x

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