EXO One Shots/Imagines

#77 Tao, and A Letter

★★★

"Please don't go," he begged, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. He couldn't recognize his own voice-it was wrangled and choked with too much emotions. "Please don't go," he whispered again, his voice breaking, the tears spilling out.

"I have to, Tao. One day you'll understand. I'm sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry if you don't even mean it! I hate you!"

"Zitao?"

He glanced up for a moment, the lump in his throat constricting him. His heart was empty yet heavy, as if the memories in them were slipping in and out. There was sorrow, and something he couldn't read in those now-dull brown eyes.

"I'll see you soon, Kris-ge."

For a moment, his lips curled up slightly.

Then he was gone.

-

He glanced at the screen. There was Kai, dancing as he always did, like a star in the dark sky, like a lantern in the night.

The packet crackled as he scrabbled for the last bit of chips. The telephine rang, slicing through the silence of his apartment.

When he limped over to pick up, he thought he saw Kai double up slightly.

-

"Tao!"

All they found was an empty chip bag in a desolate living room, television blaring with an obnoxious tune.

"Where's Tao?!"

Search found him in the room, curled up liked a slapped puppy in the corner.

"Tao?" Xiumin gently placed his head on his lap, and cradled him slightly, patting his back every now and then. "It's okay, you can always tell hyung what's wrong."

No one said anything as a sniffle escaped from within's Xiumin's embrace.

"My father called today."

-

He couldn't, and wouldn't be coaxed to leave that room. "I want to pretend Kris is here. I mean Yifan," he keeps mumbling, until Suho gives in, and tucks him in bed. "Goodnight. You know I'm always next door right?" Tao nods, and Suho gives him a maternal look that makes him warm and toasty.

When Suho shuts the door, he cries. He cries, grief, guilt, and anguish spilling from the soul of his heart. He cries for all he has, and all he'll never have. He cries for all he's done, and all he'll do. He cries so much he falls asleep on a soaking pillow.

Outside, nine men place their ears against the door, but no one laughs.

-

His eyerings have grown even bigger and darker, and it's almost a pain to have to cake concealer over it.

When he stumbles to breakfast, hair unkempt and face undone, everyone gasps, but says nothing. When does Tao not wear makeup?

Where's Peacock oppa? Where's Kungfu Panda Tao? Where's the childish, almost maknae Tao?

"I may be leaving."

-

Sehun draws a quivery breath. "I am not crying! Shut up shut up shut up!" The maknae is in an unusual mood today. He's been sitting on the sofa all day with that same resolute look, and a stream of tears hours later. He refuses to speak to anyone.

"Hun? I'm terribly sor-"

"Don't be, it's for the best. I don't want to see you limping like that. You're 22, not 52. Keep safe, hyung. Keep safe."

How can one not cry?

-

A mountain of tissues sits upon the table. Exo is crying, and a blond hair and lanky man cries the hardest. "I'm so, so, so sorry," he howls, and Baekhyun mops up the ocean that gushes out.

"Don't be. Because we are one," Suho cracks a watery grin.

"We are Exo! We are one!"

"Exo, saranghaja!"

~~~

A/N: These few days haven't been the best of my life. There's so much shit going on now, and to top it all, Tao's unconfirmed departure.

It's killing me. He was my first bias. The one who brought me to this fandom, to who I am today. He means so much to me. I can never stop loving him no matter what. Exo Showtime just made me love him all the more, with his childish antics and girly behaviour. And how he always tried to be brave. He's always the cool one, and it was refreshing seeing him in his own element then, famgirling over food and pestering his hyungs. And he never stopped trying, and gave everything his all. He went through the haunted house, much more bravely than anyone. At EP12, he brought all the equipment to cook and share what he had loved. That move had me a little stunned and amazingly touched. This man, whom I had always thought of as a more self centred kind of guy, loved his members.

He kept growing and changing, but he was always Tao with the brave smile and laugh. He did so much even when he was injured, and I want to applaud this man. This man who gave his all for his dream and group. This amazing man who touched so many lives.

It kills me to know that the grains of sand are falling before he isn't officially an Exo member. The time is ticking, I'll always always always love him, no matter what. I'll keep cheering him on, with all my heart and might, and scream his name as long as my voice allows me to. Because he changed my life in a way no one did. Thank you, Tao, and I love you, no matter your decision. Be brave, stay strong, and get well soon. Fighting! We love you, Huang Zi Tao <3

Because I am an Exo-l, and that is my promise.