Elia (EDITING)

Chapter 49

So, I know many of you guys are going to hate me for this chapter, but if you look at it this real reality! So please, don't hate me for this, don't hate my babies. I had to give a warning, and yeah! Thanks for taking some time to read.

Elia

If I knew Xander is a good cook from long ago, I would have let him stay with me until my g-parents come back from Italy. Because trust me, he just made a normal breakfast of eggs, bacon, soup and some random American shit, but it tastes as if... I don't know, as if I am eating something from Utopia or its neighboring countries.

"You're really good." I compliment taking another bite of my sandwich.

"Hm-hm"

I look at him again, he looks sad like last night, only that now, he is doing nothing to hide it.

"Xander what's wrong?" I ask. He looks at me from opposite the table and takes a sip of his juice.

"Everything." I wasn't expecting him to mention this, so I swallow and pay attention at him, "Wanna talk about it?"

"I better not... or you'll... you'll somehow judge me or- or just..." he takes another sip shrugging. "... I don't know."

"Just tell me... please, come on."

"Garry and i..." he clears his throat and looks at me. I don't get what he is saying at first, but later on, I process his words. Oh no! he is sleeping with Garry.

"Xand-"

"I know I'm a dick! I know so Elia! I know he once hurt me and we will do so again over and over again! I care no more! I just want to do the things I want... and- there is no way I am going to come out as gay my whole life, so why not enjoy now whilst I'm young? I-I wish I-" "Never mind."

I run out of words. It's not the part of him sleeping with Garry that matters to me now, but the fact that he is never going to be himself. That hurts, to be someone who you are not at all... that's just- that sucks.

"Tell me everything Xander, I'm here for you... and I promise." He shakes his head 'no' and takes a sip of his juice looking away from me. "Xander, I swear! I really, really want to know what is going on with your life..."

"Okay! I wish you and I could be a thing... happy now?"

Oh God.

"... but we can't... because I never get anything I want in life... I never get the things I desire... all I get- all I have is a ruined family who never seem to care much about me, bad grades all the time, a ruined ear, a crush who doesn't even like me and what else- a life that's not even mine Elia! That is what I get all the time! And it hurts so much!" I honestly don't know what to say. Xander has been bottling his emotion up and now he is hurting so much, and I feel so bad for not really liking his to the point of dating him.

I mean, I would have dated Xander... I guess... I'm confused. But the person I really like right now is Nathaniel. And I don't think what Xander is doing sleeping with Garry because he feels as if it will make him better is good. I really, really wish I could do something for him to feel better.

***

"You miss me?"

"Yeah, it's been three days without seeing you, when are you coming back?" Nathaniel's dad convinced to take him see his grandma. I was really hurt that he had to leave, but on the same hand happy that his relationship with his dad is getting better. I know he is coming tomorrow morning, but I still do miss him, it's December 30 today and I'm scared I'll spend the New Years without him.