Elia (EDITING)

Chapter 17

Elia

The past month has been shit, yes I know. But today I feel like I am ready to face it. I wipe the drool off my cheek, disgusted by it, When did I ever start to drool? Realizing I am an hour earlier I decide to take a bath singing my favorite song, Heaven by Troye Sivan, then Bloom, then My my my. I make sure the tub is filled with bubbles. I play with them blowing them, creating things with them. I sing so loud that I feel my throat start to react to it.

I put on my grey sweater to match up with the chilly weather. I pull my on black jeans. I make my way to the kitchen humming bloom. As I enter the kitchen my g-parents looks at me. I walk to my g-ma and kiss her cheek. "Morning g-ma"

I walk over to my g-dad and peck his cheek. "Hey g-dad, what's up for this morning" I sit on the chair opposite them all. "Any apple juice? I so love it" My mind travels to yesterday with Nathaniel. How we kept a distance watching two movies in a row, how we played a video game and I swear he let me win and how... how he licked his lips looking at me. I mean that means something right? Like looking at someone and lick your lips, making them wet. I swear, yesterday... yesterday was the best day of my life. Oh besides getting slapped and all the shit, but actually... that shit wasn't bad. At least I have a story to tell, that a stripper want to give me a lap dance and I refused, punching her to the floor, getting attacked by some Lee guy and having my boyfriend to save me, escaping from everyone, beating the shit out of them, driving to a private place, throwing up... no let me skip that part... making out, banging, going home to watch a cheesy 'gay' romantic movie, banging again. Okay... I might have taken my exaggeration a bit too far, but... it's sort of worth it. Trust me, I had the best time of my life. And I pray, nothing will change.

"Someone is in a bright mood today?" My g-ma places a plate of scrambled eggs in front of me.

"Oh, thank you" I take the plate. "And why not be in a good mood."

History class I make sure to sit next to next to Xander. Throughout the class we whisper some random things. It doesn't matter what it was, but it was great to talk to him. During lunch Xander and I make our way to my car.

"Nate and I are not in good books now" he randomly says playing with his lunch bag as if it is the most interesting thing ever. "Like... he once saw our chat but didn't make out well on it, he only got the part that 'friends with benefits' shit" My eyes widen as I look at him. "He... asked me about it yesterday and I swear I can't tell him any shit." "And my girlfriend too... is... is not in good books with me. Of course I have been hanging out with you a lot and have been pushing her away" he rolls his eyes finally slipping his hand into the lunch bag.

"Xander, we can just stop this" I say. "We don't have to be..."

"Elia I don't know how you will take this, but... but this is what I want. I am sick and tired of claiming to be straight! I am not! And I will never be. I want to be myself, and I can only be that when I am around you..."

"But you are hurting Sage and Nathaniel" his name tingles on my tongue. I don't know how this will end. If he finds out if Sage finds out, what will happen?

"So you want me to walking around pretending to be what I am not!?" he snaps. I gulp. This is fucked up.

"I am not saying that! But Xander..."

"Don't you like it? Because if you don't we can stop this now"

"No..." I immediately say. Of course, I enjoy all this with Xander. I like the way we kiss, the way my stomach turns when our skins touch, the way he turns me on... all of it! I like it but what is the point if all this is going to be fucked up sooner or later? "I do, a lot actually, I just don't kno..." I don't get to finish before his lips presses on mine. He kisses me hungrily. As much as I want to push him away my lips and body acts on their own accord. I end up kissing him back, pulling him to my lap. He doesn't hesitate but comfortably settles himself on my laps. I pull off looking around the car park. My windows are tinted but that will not make me feel secure.