Elia (EDITING)

Chapter 29

My eyes open wide when I learn the new information. He had sex on his first date. This really happens huh? "And you?"

I immediately take a bite of my burger, now wanting to cut the topic. I feel a little pressure on my smiley piercing. After I swallow I let my tongue wonder there to make sure I am alright. "I have never been on a proper date."

"So you are the type to just jump into the sex part?"

I look down at me burger.

"No way, you're a virgin?" he laughs a bit loud. Yes Nathaniel I am, and I want you to pop my cherry! Oh no... what am I saying? Pop my cherry?! Where did I even learn all of those words. "So, what about the dude who was responsible for your hickeys-"

"That is one of the craziest things I have ever done." I drop my bottle of water to rub my temples.

"You regret it?" I don't regret ever kissing Xander, it was amazing, but also wrong. I just don't know if I can really say i did, I don't on the same hand. It is something I know will cause a lot of confusion and chaos if anyone finds out. So, I shake my head no and take a bite of my burger.

"Will you ever regret being gay?" I choke on the piece of burger on my throat, I immediately get over it. When I look over at Nathaniel he is supper red. I swallow in his words, 'Will you ever regret being gay?'

Do i?

I mean, all my life it never turned out to be the best thing, I got bullied about it from when I was young, when I didn't even know I was, most guys in my classes called me 'fag' and trust me that is something you never want to experience when you are only seven, again, everyone I like, turns out to be so straight, straight! And again, that is something I hate. But, I always try to make myself feel better, by comforting myself somehow.

People always will treat you differently, even Nathaniel does treat me differently, I don't know how, but he does. Garry, I will not even mention it. What he did this morning, he wouldn't have done it if I was straight, never! The way Nathaniel's friends look at is different and it's because I am gay.

At school, people still give me the 'disgusting' look, because I am gay. The greatest bullying team would be of Garry and is friends, including Nathaniel, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones. Yes, I do get shoved here and there in the halls, and that is because I am gay.

Of course, sometimes I wish I was normal in a different way. I will not say I regret it, because it is not something I chose, does Nathaniel knows that?  I decide to ask him.

"How can I regret something I never chose to be?" he seems taken back by my words. He nods. "I get that, but..." "Never mind."

And that is it, the awkward silence engulfs us again I watch Nathaniel takes the last bite of his second burger. Just when I think he is full he pulls a plate of fries and starts to eat them. I really get tempted to get one too, but I don't.

The more the silence engulfs us, I feel myself get uneasy, I need answers from Nathaniel. I want to know if by any chance he likes me too, even a bit or not, I want to know. I need to know. I have to know if I am just hurting myself by crashing on him, or if I am actually helping myself. So I look at him, to see him opening his mouth to say something to me. "You were mad at me yesterday?"

"No..."

"So why where you so... so... sort of ignoring my presence?"

I chew on my bottom lip. "I wasn't"

He raises his eyebrows. "You're lying to me." I don't say anything. "I'm sorry if I said anything the night you called, I was drunk and... I open I didn't..."