My Fear (Eric Divergent Fanfic)

Chapter 59

The next few days at work everything is silent, as it has been since Peter found out I was 'cheating' on him. I loved Peter and I loved the woman he helped me become and a part of me will always love him no matter what.

It's hard to see my life with anyone but Eric, he's the father of my children, my husband, the one I've been with since I was sixteen years old. He's my leader, my lover, my best friend.

I'll always have to choose Eric even when it isn't convenient to choose him. Peter knows me like he knows a sister, we're both from the same root and for that we bond. I love Peter and I'm attracted to him, but it can't be him. It was never him.

We were assigned rounds in the compound as we walk next to each other guns clutched in our hands as we wear identical soldiers uniform. The kids finally went back to school--in fact it's their first day back today.

I spend the rest of work worrying about them--especially Emery. Peter doesn't bother asking me anything and I miss him being at the apartment. Ean asked me why Peter stopped coming around and I wasn't really sure how to answer it. I think Ean suspected something was going on with Peter and I, but he never said anything up right.

The kids definitely see a difference in mine and Eric's relationship--more loving. Every night we lay in bed together cuddled up, we have sex, fall asleep, wake up, repeat and I love it. I love it more than anything, but there's still apart of me--that Candor part of me, that thinks of Audrey. A part of me that wishes Eric truly chose me and maybe--maybe he was telling the truth when he said he was thinking of leaving Audrey a weeks or even months before her death but...but he still chose her, cheated on me.

I know I can't say anything because I cheated on Eric with Peter and with his brother but... Daniel's was forced and Peter was only because Eric killed my father. Also, I'm over it, I'm over what Eric did in the past that had made the old Elena so upset--like him murdering Kevin. But for Eric to go on his way choosing me like I was whatever left over still makes me upset. I can't even look at him sometimes...the Dauntless part of me tells me to shut up everyday, but the Candor Elena screams so loud it's hard to shut her out. But I do.

At the end of my shift I pick up the kids from school, they seem fine--great even. They don't say anything to me until we get back to the apartment.

"Phoenix stuck Samuel's head in the toilet," Eli exclaims to me.

I look at Phoenix puzzled he smirks and says, "Eli kicked Jason in the shin," they both laugh.

"Who are these boys?" I put my hands on my hips.

"The Phillips brothers--the ones that bullied Emery," Eli says.

"Candor bitc--"

"Phoenix," I cut him off. I crouch down and wrap my arms around him. "Good job boys."

I stand back up and they run off to go play in their room.

Eloise sits on the couch. Her hand runs through her pretty, long curly blonde hair that reaches her bellybutton. She looks up at me with big blue eyes--my eyes. She was a mini-me no doubt about it. She was my only daughter and one of the loves of my life. She's petite, but she's far from weak. She can take on any of her brothers. I sit next to her and kiss her pink rosy cheeks.

"How was class today sweetie?" I wrap my arm around her and she leans her head on my shoulder.

"Good," she seems quiet.

"What's wrong babe?"

"Emery isn't staying at Dauntless is he?"

"I don't know honey. He doesn't seem very Dauntless does her?"