My Fear (Eric Divergent Fanfic)

Chapter 51

***one year later***

Eric and I still live together. Ean is ten, Emery, eight and the twins nearly eight along with Phoenix and Eero is almost two in a few months.

I still haven't gotten over what Eric did to me and he still hasn't gotten over what I did to him. We live two very different lives and it's odd. Eric sees Audrey and I still see Peter.

Eric is at work so when I got a phone call at home from the kids school about Ean in a fight Peter and I were the ones to pick him up.

"He was bigger than me," Ean crosses his arms and huffs.

"Go for the groin," Peter calls out. "Knees and eyes are good too."

"I want to learn how to fight, properly, mom."

"Me?"

"Yeah," he nods his head.

"What about your father?" I say Ean has had lessons from Eric before. Ean's father is his role model.

"He's busy a lot." Ean says. It was mainly the truth. Eric still does his part and spends a lot of time with the kids when he's free. But there's six children it's hard to individualize everyday with them, especially when he works nearly everyday--and long hours. He tries his best and that's what I still cherish about Eric. That's he's always here for the kids.

"Maybe Peter can teach you." I look over at Peter.

"Maybe I can teach you both," he smiles.

Whenever Eric went to work and Peter was over we would go into the training room we have set up in the apartment--for the days Eric works out.

Peter has taught us a lot in the span of weeks and I've never felt so Dauntless in my life. I learned to block, where to hit, I've gained muscle and I feel back in shape. My mentality has gotten stronger and finally finally---I'm ready for work.

I talked with Max about getting a job, Peter said there was an opening with him and he'd teach me. So, he did. Robert would watch the kids when Eric, Peter and I all have work.

At work I learn how to use a gun, fight, protect and defend. I was a soldier. I am a soldier.

I've been helping Ean with 'becoming Dauntless' so he calls it. It takes me back to initiation and I think of my fears, fighting. I was strong and I could be strong.

I can be ruthless and brave and the courage to stick up for another.

I am Dauntless.

Eric found out weeks ago when I accepted the job, and he really didn't say much about it. We didn't seem to say much to each other anymore. I wanted to but I gave up. I was done saying what was on my mind; I've become reserved. Lying was more of a mechanism and withholding truth has been a specialty. I was no longer Candor, I no longer held onto the belief in truth and honesty. I studied and now live by the Dauntless manifesto.

Peter noticed a change in me too, I talk less, nag less, it felt different bottling things inside of me, not being brutally honest or dying to know what someone else was thinking.

Maybe Eric noticed it too. He definitely noticed something different but--like I said we don't talk much anymore. I don't care whether I trust him or not anymore. I do--he has nothing to hide and I believe when he has he has work. I smile and help him out with the kids and he helps me out.

Phoenix will be turning eight soon, and Ean almost nine. It's crazy to think how close in age they all are. Phoenix has grown to be someone who is reserved, his dark brown hair and chestnut eyes remind me of Audrey, while his face is strictly Eric. He plays with Eli a lot, Eli is definitely my son--as is Ean, and so is Eloise, she looks just like me. Emery and Eero have their father's looks. They're handsome.

The children know something's up with Eric and I and Emery has figured it definitely he's just not one to say anything. I think Ean told him because Ean being the oldest--he hears more and can pick up on things. I think he knows Peter is more than a best friend. The children also know that Eric and I don't spend our time together anymore, they notice we barely talk and they also notice we don't kiss or hold hands or hug or say I love you. They know their parents have no love for each other.

Which isn't true Eric and I are still friends. At night when we go to bed even though we don't talk as much as usual we still tell each other things. He's my best friend and I care for him. We no longer hurt each other. I obey orders and there's no more fighting. It's neutral. We're neutral.

"We've gained a lot of muscle weight," Peter grabs my bicep.

"I've been working on weights like you told me." I kiss his lips as we begin work together.

I wear my Dauntless uniform and I carry a gun. My medium length blonde hair is in a ponytail, my apparel topped off with a black hat. We scan the perimeter of the wall together and run into Eric.

My body stiffens and I hold my gun tight up against me. It's the exact reaction a soldier gives his leader--and that's what Eric is. My leader. Dauntless' leader. He nods his head and Peter and I continue work.

We head into the factionless, there we see a fight break out and Peter tells me to take care of it--my first time intervening.

The factionless aren't cared for. We're soldiers, we protect the five factions. Not two factionless who want to kill themselves.

"Break it up," I say to them.

"What are you gonna do little girl?" The gangly man with rotting teeth spits out.

I knock him over the head with my gun. He falls to the floor. I look at the other man and he throws his hand up in surrender, backing down.

I return back to Peter and he gives me a nod of approval.

**one year later**

I've been focused on my work, I've learned a lot from Peter, and I've helped do my part to teach the kids discipline and bravery--they are born Dauntless and they will learn it. Eric has always been the one to show the kids that and he's a great role model to them but I wanted to do my part and I have been.

Peter and I have been together for over two years now and I've fallen completely and utterly in love with him, he's changed me for the better and I love him for it. I no longer feel like the helpless Candor girl who was afraid of everything. I was afraid because I got myself in situations that the truth got me in. I learned discipline and respect. The job occupies the mornings and afternoons when the children are at school. I still see them at night and pick them up from school later afternoon.

Ean and I have been training together when Eric is at work, he works nights a lot and no doubt he goes to see Audrey.

Phoenix still doesn't know about her. Phoenix is a few months away from nine years old. I look at him and can't help but feel bad for him. I don't get in the middle of it though, and I certainly don't show any pity.

Eric has the day off today while I have a long shift with Peter. Eric said he was going to take the kids out and have a bonding day considering he hasn't had a day off in a while. I shrug my shoulders and tell him have fun as I button up my uniform and meet up with Peter for my shift.