Benedict Cumberbatch Imagines

Cancer Part 3

"I have to go to work, will you be alright alone?" His soothing tone calmed the rapid beating of your heart. He kissed your temple and brushed your hair with his hand. You departed from the hug, "Yeah, I'm going to my moms and pay her a visit."

He gave you a loving kiss, "Good, I wouldn't like for you to be here alone." He rubbed your thigh in a comforting way, he lifted himself off the bed and went to take a shower. You were still paranoid from the dream. After a few seconds of trying to breathe, you got up to get ready for another day of anxiety.

*

"Do you want me to stay back? I'll call Karon to cancel all my meetings today," Ben looked at your worriedly through his car window. "It's okay Ben," you wanted to say you were going to be fine but you've never liked the idea of lying. You leaned through the car window to give him a sensual kiss, "I'll see you later."

Benedict's eyes were daunting, "Ok love, I'll come back as soon as possible." He gave you another quick kiss before driving away. You got in your own car and sat paralyzed. You had gotten as far as putting the keys into the ignition but were too scared to start the car. What if Doctor Levi said your cancer was unstoppable? What if there was no possible way of getting rid of it? What if..?

You stared into space, a shiver went down your spine. You finally turned on the engine and headed to the place where you final days might be spent.

*

You were sitting again in the identical room. Same building, different floor, different reason, different expectations. This time, your mind wasn't finding any reason to console you with hope and repeating everything was going to be alright. You felt the hairs of your arm stand, it all felt surreal, almost as if it was deja vu.

You slicked your hair back many times waiting in suspense for Doctor Levi to arrive. Minutes later he walked in. He cleared his throat before speaking, "Before I start, I want to say I'm sorry for not getting these tests done any sooner. What comes next won't be easy."

You had to cut him off, "Doctor, I don't want you to sugar coat anything. Just give it to me straight." He rubbed his hands together. He's always loved his job and helping his clients, but with every job comes a burden. "Ok, very well then. Yesterday, the doctors that analyzed your CT scans found you have pancreatic cancer."

He gave you a few seconds to breathe. "They know it's past stage one and quickly moving towards stage three. We have all scanned through the pictures multiply times, the cancer is definitely at stage two right now, but we are certain this cancer is growing rapid. I'm so sorry to say that I won't be recommending a surgical procedure to eliminate the cancer. It would be a risk to perform a serious surgery to extract something hard to locate. Chances are the cancer has gone malignant and began spreading through the body while prepping you for the surgery."

You felt you heart beat race as all information was being thrown at you. He wasn't done yet, "Normally we recommend chemotherapy at the hospital or radiation. Seeing your relationship with Mr. Cumberbatch, I will allow a home therapy. We won't instantly begin with a full dosage because it might effect you rather than aid. A nurse will come by with papers that you need to fill out, she'll help you with that. I'm so sorry for this again, we'll do everything that we can."

He picked his laptop and left you solitary in the confined room. You felt your chest tighten and a ball begin to form in your throat. A few moments later a nurse came in with papers you needed to sign and fill out. For home address you put your mom's and not Ben's. After what seemed like hours, they gave you a machine where you'd have to hook up for hours a day.

You're sitting again in your car. There was no point in holding back your tears anymore. There was nothing that could possibly motivate you. You were enraged, you hit the steering wheel as you cried out. Just a year ago you were living happily than ever with the man that you loved.

You weeped the whole way to your moms house. You parked the car and attempted to seem somewhat decent. You weren't thinking when you stood in her doorstep knocking at the wooden door. "Y/n, glad to see you here, it's about- Sweetie whats wrong?"

Your mom instantly knew there was something wrong. She held the door open for you as she guided you into her arms. You let out a sob, agonizing your already worried mother. She led you to the couch for you to take a deep breath. "Honey you're worrying me. What's going on? Is Benedict the reason you're crying?"

You wiped your stained cheeks and attempted calming the rhythm of your breaths. "He's not the reason why I'm like this." Your mom stayed quiet. You hadn't thought how you'd lay the news to your mom. "Mom, I..I," You couldn't find the courage to tell her.

She sat beside you, holding your hands in hers. "You're pregnant?" She tried finishing the news for you. "No," you sobbed. "Honey, it's perfectly okay to be pregnant. I know you've had premarital-""I have cancer." The room became silent.

You visibly saw the tears beginning to form in your moms eyes. "No. No, you can't," your mom was in denial. She attempted to hide a cry by covering her mouth. "I do. It's pancreatic cancer. It's already at stage two." Your mom let out an extended cry. "Not my baby, not her too!" Your mom shrieked.

You ventured to console your mom by hugging her. This was difficult for you and her. It was as if a stitched wound had been opened. You were only 5 when your dad had passed away from pancreatic cancer. You remember not being able to sleep hearing the gross sobs of your mom every night. There was a period where you had to live with relatives because your mom couldn't cope with her surroundings.

The awful memories made you determine your faith with Benedict. "Benedict can't know. It'll break him," you told your mom. "Honey, he loves you. He has to know," your mother was right, he did love you. He's the best thing that has ever happened to you, but you won't be able to stand the thought of him crying himself to sleep like your mother did. The restless nights he's spend because of you. The vigorous idea's he'd have at night to find a away for him to be with you again.

"Mom, would you rather see him with a women that made him happy again or see him destroyed inside out. See how he breaks down as the days pass until my final hours are nearby. It's not only the process, it's also the after math. After I'm six feet under ground what is he going to do? He's going to drink his life away, he'll find a replacement for his pain. That replacement will kill him. I don't want to kill him. I'd rather hurt him by leaving than kill him."

Your mom didn't want to admit it, but she's already been through this once. She knows the misery that will wash over the family. She's met the torment that comes after the loved one has left. "I don't agree with the idea of leaving Benedict oblivious of the situation, but I know what's coming. There is nothing, nothing, to prepare the storm thats coming. You're a fighter, you will kick cancers ass. I will be here at every step of the way."

Your mom hugged you, attempting to hide the tears. You somberly sighed, "I have a plan."