Broken Can Be Beautiful (Jared Leto's Joker Fanfiction)

Worn Down

A/N WARNING: This chapter deals with graphic images of suicide. Please do not read if you will find this imagery triggering.
I love all you lovelies; if you ever feel down or depressed, don't hesitate to contact me. I am here for you❤️️❤️️

Lisbeth woke up on the downstairs couch, a blanket placed over her. Her head hurt from exhaustion; her eyes puffy from crying.
The night before when J had kicked her out of the room, she knew she should have gone somewhere else, locked herself in a room so she didn't have to hear what was going on in that room. But she didn't. She let herself crumple to the floor outside the door and silently cry while she listened to Harley and Joker. They fought; they fucked. Lisbeth heard it all.

Hatter had found her lying in the hallway, sobbing. He had helped her up and brought her to the couch downstairs. He made her lie down and put a blanket on her. She vaguely remembered him keeping watch over her until she cried herself to sleep.

She slowly sat up and put her feet on the floor. Her whole body, heart and soul felt worn down. Her brain hurt from all the different thoughts shooting through it. She was just ready for it to stop; all of it. She stood up and walked to the hallway; she headed towards the kitchen, where she heard voices.

She walked in to see Hatter, Panda Man and another goon they called Bones. She pulled her robe tighter around her. Bones always made her nervous; the way he looked at her.

Hatter stood up and came towards her. "My lady are you okay? Can I help you with anything?"

She gave him a small smile. "I am doing okay, thank you."

Lisbeth noticed that Bones had stood up and was standing behind Hatter.

"Are you lonely, my lady? You must be, I mean we all heard the King and Queen last night. It must hurt really bad...my lady." His mouth twisted into an evil grin as he noticed Lisbeth's eyes start to tear up.

Hatter turned back to him, ready to punch him but before he could Jonny walked into the room and right up to Bones.

"I would be very careful how you talk to her; she is still above you in Boss' eyes."

Bones glared at Jonny but muttered out a "Yes, sir,"and went back to the table to finish his coffee.

Lisbeth smiled up at Jonny and Hatter gave him a quiet, "Thanks, sir."

Lisbeth fidgeted with her hands before looking up at the two brothers. "I would really like to take a bath but don't want to bother Mister J or Harley. Is there a bathroom down here I could borrow."

"Of course, my lady." Jonny said, "Hatter, why don't you take her to the guest bathroom?"

"Yes, sir." He said, "Right this way my lady."

Lisbeth followed Hatter out of the room and silently down the hall to the bathroom.

Hatter motioned her inside, then stood there and shuffled his feet like he wanted to say something.

"What is it, Brandon?" Lisbeth said quietly.

"Well," he whispered, "I just wanted to let you know...you are strong too. And you are beautiful and kind. If a guy can't see that...well....then screw them." With that he turned around and hurried back down the hall.

Lisbeth quickly shut the door and leaned on it, breathing deeply to keep the tears in; she was just so tired of crying.

She walked over and started the bath, making the water as hot as she could. She then walked over to the vanity and started looking through it. In the bottom drawer she found a hand mirror.

Bingo, she thought.

She wrapped the mirror in a towel and hit it hard, but as quietly as possible, against the side of the sink. She felt the glass crack beneath the fabric. She opened it up and took out the sharpest-looking piece and laid it on the edge of the tub.

She looked at herself in the mirror, running her hands through her hair. Lisbeth took a deep breath and let her robe slide off. She stepped into the water, still in her black bra, underwear, and knee high socks. She let herself slide slowly into the water.

She leaned her head back, finally allowing the yelling thoughts to explode in her brain. Her early life had been so easy. She was loved at home and popular at school. She loved her friends, family and her life. Then the minute she lost her son, everything had changed. Her perpetually sunny life had turned to nothing but clouds and rain. She fought through each day.

Then she had met Harley and all of her other patients; they had been rays of sunshine to her. She had found a reason to keep going. Despite the asshole guards at the prison, she could do good to make up for all the bad she had done, to make her lose her son.

Then Harley brought her here and had forever changed her. She had fallen in love with the joker; she could finally admit it to herself. She was infatuated, obsessed, addicted and in love with a psychotic clown.

But this love couldn't compensate for the hurt she was causing her best friend. She loved Harley too and it killed her to hurt her...but she just kept on hurting her; ignoring Harley's pain for her own feelings for Mistah J.

Lisbeth let out a strangled cry as the tears started flowing down her cheeks into the water.

Her mind and heart battled, her feelings overwhelmed her. She didn't want to hurt Harley again but she couldn't listen to her fucking the man she loved again.

It was time to finish what she started; it was time to stop it all.

She picked up the glass from next to her and looked down to her arms; it would be easier this time, she had faded lines to follow.

With that she tore the glass across her porcelain skin. The water blossomed red as she started to feel relaxation spread through her body and finally quiet her mind.

She felt her head slip back, her eyes gazing at the ceiling, and she finally felt at peace.