How Did We Get Here // Luke Hemmings & Zayn Malik

Chapter 90: Mason!

In the morning, Zayn helped me dress in my black yoga pants, dark green shirt and a light brown cardigan. He combed my hair softly and tied my shoes for me. He collects my stuff and stashes it in my gym bag. He holds my hand and lifts me up with him. We walk out of my room and into the elevator. As we wait, I turn to see Mason, walking alone through the halls. I squint and speak out "Mason?!" He turns to see me and his face brighten but then frowned at my lips "Emma? What happened." I look at the floor and cover my mouth "Nothing, I had my baby already... how's Gregory doing?" He grins "He's fine. Nothing we haven't faced. Though he's really excited because he's getting a roommate pretty soon." I smile and the elevator dings. I sigh "Nice seeing you again Mason, take care." He grins and waves bye before walking away. We get on the elevator and Zayn sniffles "How do you know that guy?" I roll my eyes and look straight ahead. He scoffs "Emma, I asked you a question!" I yell "I met him the day you went to say bye to Perrie's grandmother! His kid with born with bone cancer! I found the boys toy and returned it back! That's how I know him!" I close my eyes shut and count to five in my head and take a deep breath.

Zayn opened a door and two beds were neatly folded. I sigh "I don't want a roomie." He chuckles "What if that roomie is me?" I lay down and turn away from him, pulling the covers over his head. He drops my bag hard on the floor and sighs "I'm gonna go check on Dan. I'll be back later to walk you to the therapist." He closes the door and I turn my back. I lock my fingers together and stare into another yet annoying white wall.

Two hours passed when Zayn came rushing through the door "ready." I turn my head towards him and slowly get out of bed. As we walk to the therapist room, Zayn chuckled "Ashton came by, he bought the baby a Irish soccer shirt." I sigh, rolling my eyes "so?" he sneers "What the hell is going on with you Emma! Why are you being so rude all of a sudden?" I sneer back "Because Zayn! Because you didn't stick up for me! you let them tell me something's wrong with me!" he whispers "For Christ sakes Emma, look at your lip!" I hold my breath and try not to break down in front of him. I sigh and continue walking.

We get to the door and he knocks. This young man with glasses and hair black as the night with his eyes so dreamy green opened the door "Emma. I've been waiting." I walk in and Zayn follows but he puts his hand on Zayn's chest "Only the patient is allowed here." Zayn sighs and leaves hestaintly. The therapist puts a soft sound of waves crashing and grabs his pen and notebook. He slams them on the table and reaches into his mini fridge and hands me a water bottle. I take it and he sits in his desk in front of me "well this is my office, if you move onto to another course, you will be seeing my energy room." I stay quiet and he smiles "Lets start shall we?" he takes out cards from his desk and shows me an all black card "tell me the color and how you feel." I look down and tug on my cardigan "Black. And I have no feeling." He sighs, shifting on his seat "okay what does it symbolize to you."

I hear the annoying waves and feel the white walls all over me. I sigh and play with my sleeves "the color black symbolizes death." He sighs, leaning back on his chair "please, elaborate more." I lift my legs up on the chair, cross them and mumble "Black is death. Through centuries, we've seen the Black plague murder thousands of Europeans. In the Aztec temples we've seen carvings of their history and the when they carved the Spanish conquest, they didn't use colorful paints, they used black because thousands of their people were murdered. Many believe in The Death, referring to a skeleton wearing a black robe coming to get them. Black is death." He writes a couple of things down and shows me the next card, a red card "same procedure Emma." By then the noise of waves crashing was getting to me slowly and I started tugging on my sleeves more "Red. Red is Love. Many people believe we love with our hearts, our red beating hearts. But it's just an organ. Anyways since the beginning of time, red has been used for loving. An apple, a heart or even red undergarment." He chuckles and writes down a few things. Then he shows me green. I sigh "green. Green is life. The nature part of the earth blooms with vast of green symbolizing the earth is still living. We like our plants flourishing with dark green stems because we know they're alive." He does the same and then shows me the color white. I gulp and hear the waves furious crashing and beating. I shut my eyes close and plead "please! Turn that off!" He muddled "What? The ocean?" I squeeze my eyes shut "Yes! please!" he sighs "Okay, okay." Once it's off, I calm down and look at the floor. He puts the white card in the air and sighs "okay white Emma." I look at my shoes and stay quiet. He sighs and writes things down away.

He bends to my vision "Emma?" I look up to his green eyes and stay quiet. He sighs "What happened to your lip Emma?" I maintain my vision and stay silent. He grins and leans back "when was the last time you ate?" I mumble "yesterday." He ticks his pen "what did you eat?" I sigh "chicken and carrots." He clicks his tongue and shows me some papers "see this, this is your dietary schedule. Yesterday they brought you pizza. In fact the last time they served chicken and carrot's... was last Saturday." I breathe unevenly. He sighs "Emma, why did you stop eating?" when I didn't answer him he stands up and sits on the corner of his desk "okay, your nurse mentions quite a lot on the records of you begging to see your daughter and you constantly saying you're a bad mother, wishing better for your baby." I look up at him and feel the tears circling my eyes "do you know what it feels like to have your own flesh and blood stuck in a box for two months, watching them suffer. I couldn't be there for her. My cervix was too weak and now she's all alone in there." He sighs "Jane told me that your mother shared with her, Yegor and Klavdiya. How does make you feel?" I close my eyes "none of this should be happening. I shouldn't have been pregnant in the first place." He frowns "do you regret getting pregnant." My silence overwhelmed him "okay well..." I sigh "I don't regret having my daughter, I regret the timing." He nods and writes too much at one time.

After he was done, he sighs "Emma, you have postpartum depression. You will need to come to my energy room across the hall, room 101 everyday okay. I'm prescribing you antidepressants for now." He gives me two papers and follows me to the door. I close it behind me and let the breath I was holding out. I walk down the hall and purposefully get lost in the hospital. I walk to the right side of the hall and touch the white walls softly as I walk. Then I turn onto another hall. I lean my body next to the big window and rest my head against it. I look up and see the sunlight shining brightly. I close my eyes and inhale deeply.