How Did We Get Here // Luke Hemmings & Zayn Malik

Chapter 80: Gender?

                  

I could hear machines whirling, beeping and clicking. I groan before opening my eyes. I carefully put my hand on my forehead and open my eyes. The light shun burningly on my eyes. I squint them close and try to lift myself up. Suddenly a vicious pain attacks my lower abdomen. I cry in pain and throw myself back. I put my hands over my stomach and feel a pad on it. What the hell happened? I remember going into the surgery room and Jane telling me she had to do the surgery. I remember my dad and Louis there. I heard whispers of Arlene. But I remember faintly someone singing a lullaby. My favorite lullaby. And cries. I heard cries I think. And I felt coldness. I open my eyes slowly and the pain on my forehead grew quickly but I endure the pain and watch a blurry empty room.

As my vision adjusted I heard footsteps entering my room. I turn to see my mother and Harry entering the room. I yelp "mom! Harry!" She rushes to my side, smothers me with kisses and cries "Emma! I'm so sorry I wasn't there! I tried to be here but I couldn't. Oh my baby." I gulp down my saliva and ask "what happened?! Where's my baby?!" She pats my hair "the baby is in the incubator Emma, it was born too early Em's." I close my eyes and cry "I don't remember it mom! I don't remember seeing it's face! Oh God!" Harry kisses my hand and my mom sighs "Emma, you were drugged. It happens to most woman Em's. If it makes you feel better, I don't remember Nat's." I sob " that's not the point! What kind of mom am I if I don't remember the birth! If I kill myself over thinking the birth! I can't cherish that kind of memory! God! I don't even know the gender!"

Then Yegor and Klavdiya enter the room. She cry's "oh Emma! She's so beautiful!" I sob "my baby's a girl! Oh it's a girl?!"  My mom cries "it's a girl Em's! Oh baby." She kisses me and Yegor sighs "I just can't wait to hold her." I close my eyes and feel the anxious thoughts of them being here. What is Zayn saying? Zayn! I clear my eyes and sigh "where's Zayn?" Harry smiles down to me "he's with your dad at the window, watching your baby sleep." I plead "can I go see her!?" My mom clicks her tongue and sighs "oh Emma, you can't..." I cut her off and plead "mom! Please! Please!" She continues "Emma baby you can't. Please sweetie, you just got surgery and you can't bend right now." I cry "I'll walk, I don't care!" I lift myself up and immediately go back down. The pain was unbearable. I cry "I don't know how she looks like! Plea-ea-ease!" My mom smiles down at me "Emma, she's beautiful. She is perfect." I cry and suddenly Harry shoves his phone in my face "I'm face timing Zayn."

I grab the phone and let it ring. Then the screen goes black and Zayn's face pops up. He yells "my beautiful Emma! You're awake!" I cry "Zayn please! My baby!" He turns the screen. Through a big glass window, a plastic box brighten. Machines surrounding the lit box. Inside, my beautiful tiny baby, hooked up to wires. It's nose hooked to machines. It's tiny chest pumping up and down. It burns my soul seeing how my baby suffers and endures that pain. That's exactly what I didn't want. I wanted my baby to be healthy and away from harms way but I couldn't. I cry "how is she?" Zayn flips the screen "she is fine. The nurse told me that she appears to be stronger for her pre mature birth. I guess what you did really helped her Em's" I cry "I don't remember Zayn... I can't remember much." He sighs, rubbing his chin "Emma, don't worry about that. Our daughter is well." I sneer "Zayn! She's in the God damn incubator! She isn't fine!" He sighs and frowns "I'll be in the room in a bit." He hangs up and I groan in pain.

I can't be there next to my child. I don't even know if we're in the same building. I can't watch her sleep. The feeling of hopelessness eats me alive, torturing even waking moment I breathe. My heart aches in sorrow. Harry kisses my hand and sits at the corner of my bed  "Emma, I know you wanted me there and I'm sorry." I cry "it's okay. It was out of our control." He stands up and slaps his hand over his heart "I vow to be there every waking moment with you and OUR baby." I roll my eyes and frown "Our?" He chuckles "she's my daughter too. I don't care if I'm not your genetic brother or your lover but this baby feels like she's mine too. I love her if she were my own." I blow him a kiss and Klavdiya sighs "I wish you two lived in Russia. Then my daughter would see how beautiful love is." My heart sinks to the bottom. It crushes every aspiration I live for. I look away and my mom smiles "My granddaughter is the most precious gift. Raise her well." I shut my eyes close and try to block their claims. Then his voice echoes "Emma, my love." I turn to see the shock on Zayn's face when he laid eyes on Yegor and Klavdiya. He shyly walks to me and I sigh "can everyone give us a moment please." They all smile and close the door behind them. Zayn sighs and lays down with me. I close my eyes "Zayn, they're here. They're gonna take our baby away." He hugs me tight and kisses my forehead.

I don't know why but at that moment, his hug didn't clear my mind, his hug didn't ease my burning soul. Before, everything would vanish and I would burry myself with him. But this time nothing happened. The troubles ate me alive.