There's The Cat and Then There's Me [boyxboy]

Chapter Thirty-Three: Time Itself

Entering the court room gave me an unnerving feeling of deja-vu. I had only experienced this twice before in my life; the first time when I set foot in that god forsaken locker room, and the second only a week ago, when I was walking through the rooms of the police station.

I felt sick. That’s probably because you didn’t sleep at all last night. Or the past three nights. I had been dreading today. Dreading today with a loathing so bone deep it was like my blood was seething and boiling with revolt. Today decides everything. Today is the rest of my life. Today could finally make things right.

Or it could change everything.

I hadn’t been able to hold Ace for the past one hundred and twenty-seven hours and it had killed me for every second. I just wanted him so much. I wanted to see his eyes, breathe him in, feel the way his muscles moved beneath his skin, hear his heartbeat when I leaned my head against his chest. I wanted to touch him, to make him laugh, for him to come and take me away from everything. Even life if it came down to it. At least then we would be together forever. I wanted those whispers in my ear, his lips on mine, against my temple, anywhere but where they were- which was far, far away from me.

Our separation had been so blunt; so final.

I knew I was going to see him again, I had to, but it was just so painful being ripped away from him like that.  For an entire seven days I had been confined to stare at the empty echoing walls of ‘my home’, always with a police officer present within the residence. There was nothing I could have done to speak to him, to at least have heard his voice, to see him, to know if he was safe.

To see if he was suffering as much as I was. Not that I want him to suffer… I just want to know, now that we’ve actually been separated… I just want to know if it’s real. After all this, my mind wasn’t playing some insane game with me the entire time. I want to know if the love we have is true.

Knowing you, he’s probably just some crazy figment of your imagination and you’re actually having a court case to condemn you to a mental facility.

Shut the fuck up. Accel is real. I know he is, I have scars to prove it.

My chest still wasn’t healed. It was as if the ache in my heart was preventing the wound from closing entirely. My shoulder was still stiff most of the time and to be completely honest, I never expected it to be the same again. The joint ached early in the morning and sometimes if I twisted oddly. It was easy enough to ignore with the hundreds of other things occupying my thoughts, yet it was still an inconvenience.

Everything of late was an inconvenience.

The room was stiflingly empty when we walked in. The only people present so far was the ridiculously old lady seated high in the judge’s chair and the bailiff standing resolutely at the bottom of the witness stand. How could she be classed as fit to judge? Her wrinkles practically swallowed her whole. Sickening waves of nerves washed over me as I stared at the light polished wood, air seeming to escape my lungs and refusing to return. The people behind me urged me forwards, my parents touch hot on my skin, my nerve endings frayed, nausea settling deep until my jaw ached. God Andrew… you’re acting like you’re the one on trial. Neither of us is. Ace, me, we’re both safe… this is revenge. This is justice. Finally, Seth is getting what he deserves.

Seth Ryan. Seth Ryan. The psychotic bastard that started this mess and the maniac that ruined the relationship I had with my boyfriend. Without Seth, we could have been happy. Without Seth, Ace and I would be together right now, happily holding hands on a date like a normal couple.

But Ace wasn’t here. Yet.

I was directed to sit in the front row, my parents taking a seat three rows behind me. Ice seemed to grow between my shoulder blades as I felt their gaze on me. Scrutinizing, criticising, judging. Wondering how their son could have possibly disappointed them even more so than before. It hurt. It hurt a lot, especially after what they’d said a week ago in the police station. After Dad said he’d accepted me, me entirely and not just selective pieces. Honestly, how could you think it would have changed? Since then they had frozen up completely, shutting me out. Dad kind of spoke to me, he made an effort to be nice but it was evident he was more than uncomfortable with the idea of his son interested in other boys. He will never understand.