Once a Stranger

Chapter 80: Processing

TW: Miscarriage is being addressed

Pov y/n

The bleeding stays for a few more days and we go to the doctor's office to get everything checked out.
Hearing it confirmed makes me cry again. I was really looking forward to having this baby and even if I was pregnant for just five weeks, three of them knowingly, I'm still sad over this.

Maybe because it was one of the few things I could hold on to during the memory loss. No matter how hard it was, at least I had something that reminded me of Scarlett.

The cramps got less in the next day but the bleeding stayed, turning into a normal period that's just heavier than normal. I had to call in sick at work again because I wasn't able to get out of bed the following day.
All I felt was overwhelming sadness and hurt. Why won't it work? It's just the second try but still.

Maybe it's also the hormones that make everything worse, at least that explains why I cried over everything. There's just a lot stored up and therefore every small thing is able to make me cry.
I think Scarlett was a little shocked the first time when I started crying as she brought me a bottle of water.

It's something I couldn't control but just knowing she cares about me made me cry.
She's been sad too and at night we were just holding each other without talking.

Rose obviously noticed the change in mood and was very sweet. She helped Scarlett take care of me those first few days and brought me food and water or read to me.
That almost made me cry as well because she's just the cutest little girl and I love her so much. We still have to talk about what happened because I couldn't say it out loud yet.

What helped me a little, was my first therapy session that didn't evolve around Scarlett's memory loss but about the miscarriage since that's more recent. I couldn't find the energy to get up and go somewhere so Scar asked the therapist if it's possible to do it over video chat or in person in the house.

The therapist agreed to come to our house and we talked a lot. It helped me cope with the first few feelings and she gave me tips how to continue dealing with them in a healthy way and without them leaving too many scars.
Since that session I have been feeling better. There's still a lot of feelings swirling around me but I try to concentrate on the good things that are happening around me to cheer myself up.

I fiddle nervously with my fingers and Scarlett gently puts her hand over mine, giving me a little bit of comfort.

"What's going on?" Rose asks and looks from Scar to me and back.

We decided to tell her today because it's Saturday and this way she has the whole weekend to understand what happened and search for comfort if she needs it.
She's sitting in front of us and waits. I'm really glad Scarlett decided to take over the talking part because I'm still not able to say it out loud without bursting into tears.

Rose is still young and we don't have to tell her this but she's a smart girl and sensed that something is wrong. Keeping that from her or lying would simply feel wrong so we decided to just be honest with her.

"You know that Mama and I are trying to have another child, right?" Scar starts and Rose nods, her eyes darting to me again and I wonder if she knew that I was pregnant.
But how could she? I never told her and it wasn't visible.

"You also noticed that we have been sad the past few days, right?" Scar asks and Rose nods.

She really is such an intelligent and empathetic child that it sometimes blows my mind. I'm not sure I would have recognized such a change in my parents behavior. But she did and acted sweetly and so amazingly. I truly admire that ability of hers.