SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 68. 強さと弱さ* (David)

*Tsuyo-sa to yowa-sa - strength and weakness

   [xxx - mature content warning

   This warning is not about sexual content, but to appeal to not practice this unless having taken all necessary precautions, thoroughly educating yourself about human body and learning from a very skilled and experienced partner or trustful source.

   Always put your safety first.]

    I am lying on the floor, slightly turned to one side. The position is everything but comfortable. I am like a fish, helplessly entangled in a fisherman's net. My arms are bent behind my back and securely tied up from shoulders to wrists. The rope wraps around my palms, binding them tightly together, as if in prayer. My legs are spread wide, knees bent, and calves pressed against the back of my thighs. An intricate, skillfully woven pattern covers every inch of skin, keeping my muscles taut and my body arched almost to its limit. I can not move, except to raise my head a little. It is enough to see the incredibly precise and enchantingly beautiful diamond shapes Ryo has created.

   "Do you like it?" he asks softly, his lips almost touching my ear. His hot breath raises goose bumps on my skin. I nod in confirmation but prefer to remain silent and preserve the exquisite atmosphere of mystery and seduction. He laughs quietly and lowers his voice even more to a husky whisper. "I saw a picture of a rope model on a website once. The rigger had tied her up in this same way. Somebody had commented below the photo, 'Shibara rete urayamashīdesu ne' (I envy you for being tied). Anyone who could catch a glimpse of you now would envy me. I don't remember ever seeing another person look so perfect in bondage. Tsuyo-sa to yowa-sa ga kanpekina baransu de yūgō (Strength and weakness blended in perfect balance)."

   "Arigatō (Thank you)," I mumble. "It's because of you. You made me stronger. There was no balance before I met you. I was simply weak, and that was all."

   "You have never been weak, Otokomae." Ryo grips my chin and makes me look deep into his eyes. There is a strange glint in his dusky irises that I have not seen before. It is like remorse mixed with anger, both hidden behind thick layers of sadness. His gaze is dark and dangerous. His voice cuts like a knife. "You are wrong. I will prove it to you."

   We stare into each other's eyes for a while. The tension is palpable. The air between our warm, sweaty bodies crackles and sparks. Or is it just the burning candles that surround us? The confrontation is inevitable. I wish he was my harsh master and I was his obedient slave. It would be so simple. But everything about us together is much more complicated. We will never be able to fit into the ordinary rules of attraction. The world will never be black and white for us. We have created our own reality in unique, contrasting colors. They are too different, and yet seek contact and try to merge again and again. Maybe we will be able to combine them in harmony one day, or it will turn out in the end that we will never be able to overcome the past completely. I have no idea... One thing I know for sure. We are both aware of the unspoken secrets between us. They can not be ignored for much longer. The tension will grow until the devastating explosion wipes away our fragile heaven. I can not allow it. Such an outcome is unacceptable. I need to act. Ryo urges me to lay my cards on the table. It is too obvious. But I am more stubborn than he thinks. It will happen my way.

   Ryo finally sighs in resignation. His expression softens. He is giving me a respite, a little more time to breathe before I have to give the game away and solve the riddle for him. I have already learned to read him. My lover can wait some more. I am thankful.

   "Kinbaku is more about unconventional beauty," he starts talking again. "This is why many kinbakushi (rope masters) strive to create asymmetrical patterns. The more bizarre and straining the position, the better. This is a torturing technique, after all. Visually intriguing and overly exciting, but not aimed at giving pleasure to the prisoner. That is why nowadays, when we don't want to hurt our partner for real, the focus is on how the bondage looks. It must be threatening, uncomfortable and hard to bear. However, I do not entirely share this view. I rather think that the rigger should follow the needs of their rope bunny. Each person's soul has its unique shape. A good master must look deeper and find the perfect way to console it."