Slowly

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I had been awake for just over a month

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I had been awake for just over a month. I was still in the hospital obviously. I had to go to rehab because I don't actually remember much. Doctors assure me that it's a trauma response. I don't really know or get it given how much I have been through. Why this time can I not remember. Anyways rehab I couldn't bend probably because of injuries and feeling like my organ are going to fall out, my heart also races as well it stopped once because of the stress. It was all so complicated and overwhelming. I didn't understand what they meant or were saying. That alone was overwhelming I was always the one who knew things and now I don't. I basically had to rewire my mind and body to work again as the doctors explained. That's what the doctors said anyways. Jay has been bringing the kids everyday. From what Erin told me Jay and Kelly are alternating shifts so one of them is always around. If they can't well Erin is there and my dad would be to. Erin's fantastic but alone with for kids is not something I want. Olive and Josh have been amazing with the kids as well even if MillieFlorence did scream at Josh that Olive was with uncle Justins, I couldn't help but laugh at that. Also did assure Josh that me, my dad and Erin were all totally fine with him as long as Olive and Daniel remind happy. Erin may have added a little threat about how if they weren't happy there would be trouble.

I was slowly making my way down the halls. I had just got the go ahead to go outside with Jay and the kids. Pretty sure will or April were coming as well so someone can watch me the whole time, Jay will obviously be watching the kids. Even if I may be watching them as well I'm not whole yet.

I held Justin Henry's hand as he walked. He was much slower than everyone else. MillieFlorence was beside beside her dad she's a little more cautious while the duo (Alvin Henry and Lexi Rose) we're running ahead. Kelly was on the other side of Justin Henry making sure he wasn't pulling me to much or anything. Alvin runs over grabbing my hand pulling me "mummy slow" "Benji" Kelly jumps grabbing him pulling into his arms. "Me walk mummy" "mummy stills hurt remember" catching Lexi Rose before she crashed into me. "Your getting good at this" I mused with a smile despite every fibre of me wanting to frown because I couldn't carry my babies, too much stress on the body. "Yeah well I had this past month practicing" I sigh looking at him "hey it's been fun got to know those two and have some extra special with my Ore" I laugh "I forgot you called her that" "yeah well I really underestimated her love for gems and ore is in her name" he said as he moved slightly so Alvin could give me a kiss on the cheek. "Mumma is daddy jay not my daddy" "he will always be your daddy jay" I answer as Kelly put him down him running off instantly with Lexi rose chasing "i think Ore is giving him a hard time about it saying jay is only the twins and her daddy....I don't mind him calling jay daddy jay forever" "Jay" "truthfully I don't think he knows what to say or just doesn't want to comment on Benji calling him daddy when his not Alvin's dad...Lilah I know jays probably going to be around him alot more than me" "Kelly your shifts are longer and you make up for it when your not working don't feel bad" "I'm not well I do when it comes to missing stuff but I know I make up for it" Kelly does twenty four hours on twenty four off so it's not hard to figure Jay who is working six thirty am to eight pm unless he works on a big case would be around more. Then on top you take into consideration my dad is his boss making it easy for him to come and go whenever I or the kids need. Not saying Boden isn't amazing he is and is super understanding when Kelly needs to take alvin and can't work, like recently. Kelly is also an amazing father during those twenty four hours his not working. We are still practicing alvin sleeping at his. Kelly knows I'm more than willing to drive and help no matter what. Even when his working if his not fighting fires he will sometimes stop by before Alvin goes to bed. Alvin loves when Kelly stops by when his working, he get to see the squad truck. There's a bit of a debate between Matt and Kelly over which one he likes better the squad or truck. We all know that he loves pretending to be a firefighter though. Has a billion fire trucks at home as well.

"There you guys are" April said walking over to us with Will. "Your lucky I had a break I get to love on my favourite nieces and nephews" she said running over picking Lexi rose up making her laugh as Alvin jumps beside her. "How are you feeling" "I'm fine" I assure him "even if your not" "will I'll tell you" "uncle Weel" MillieFlorence said "you made mum better right" "well actually Dr Choi did" "you mean Egan the Aunty April loves" we all try to hide our laugh as April playfully glares. "That's the one" I said as Will picked her up. "Where is your daddy" "with grandpa saving the day" MillieFlorence said shrugging I stop feeling out of breath. Justin Henry's big eyes look up at me curiously. "How about we go to the park while Mummy has a rest with uncle Will and aunt April" Kelly said causing April to stop tickling and chasing Alvin and Lexi Rose. Will put MillieFlorence down as him and April moved beside me, helping me sit down on a nearby bench. I send Kelly a grateful smile which he nods to. They waited till Kelly and the kids were a distance away before assessing me and getting to work. "I'm just tired" "tired can lead to a heartache Delilah something I don't think your kids want to see or you want them to see" April said making me sigh "she's right feeling tried could mean your heart is overexerting itself or you could just be tired" Will said checking my pulse. I didn't understand it, something that drove me crazy. I didn't understand how my heart could just not be the same. How could it go from health and 'normal' to barely functions it feels like. The doctors said it has something to do with my heart coming off machines. They assure me it will be ok it just has to get use to being used the way it is again and not attached to a machine. I smile at the sight of my children playing on the nearby playground. They were so happy and loved. I loved them so much.

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