Lover Girl

Suffering

I was a few weeks off birth. It has been a trying tiring few weeks. Everyday and every chance she gets MillieFlorence asks to speak or to see Justin. I don't know how many times I explained death to her. In a million different ways. She seems to grasp everything but that. I even brought her a pile of books about it. Olive had decided to move away which broke my heart but I understood. I was spending as much time with Daniel as I could. Both Olive and I promised each other that MillieFlorence and Daniel would always be close. I imagine that means us visiting her more than she visits us but I don't mind. She was hoping for a boy, said I have to update her on everything. How could I be born with just a brother and be left with two sisters. Erin went back to New York this morning with the promise to come back to meet her niece or nephew. She thinks it's a girl, same as Meredith. No one else has told me what they think or what me to have.

"Does Danny have to leave mummy" "you remember how we went to New York for a little bit but we still saw everyone" she nods "well that's the same as Danny and Aunty Olive. They are going to leave after your uncle Justin's special day" "I don't like his special day without him" she knows it's a funeral and all that I told her, even read about it with her. But to explain how important it is I explained that it was a really special day for the person we can no longer be with which she latched on to.

I walk up to the coffin holding MillieFlorences hand. She instantly goes over to my dad pulling his arm to get his attention. We all knew what she wanted when she put her arms up. Dad picks her up comfortably holding her on his hip. She wraps her arms around him almost squeezing the life out of him. "Better" she asks looking at him in the eye "a little bit unfortunately your amazing hugs won't fix this" "I know mummy said she's been super sad but me and daddy are trying to cheer her up just like I cheer you up and Aunty Olives sister cheer her up" I smile sadly tapping the coffin "you were perfect absolutely amazing J I just wish your could have met this baby but I know why" I said quietly before moving to stand beside Olive both wrapped up in each other Daniel between us.

"Guess this is goodbye" Olive said smiling sadly at MillieFlorence hugging Daniel. "Hey you got me not just because of him but because your my sister" she nods tears in her eyes. "Same goes for you and I better get every update under the sun about both of them" "oh yeah if you don't come for the birth you better expect us in the first few weeks" she nods "I'll have the room step up" "I'm going to miss you and our bitching sessions" "me to we will just have to do it over the phone" "if you don't answer I'm going to be so mad" she nods hugging me before turning to the kids, just in time to see MillieFlorence handing Daniel a teddy "it was for my baby brother or sister but I want you to have it so you never forget me" "we'll never forget your craziness Moon" Olive said making MillieFlorence rush over and hug her. I pick Daniel up "you look just like your daddy you know that" he was to young to understand just playing with the dark brown bear. "My heart is broken you take can of Danny and my bear" MillieFlorence asks making Olive nod "I promise" I kiss Daniels head before walking over to the door. Olive putting MillieFlorence down and following behind me. "Wait what I drew uncle Justie a picture would you like it" "how about you keep it" "mummy made two copies already" she runs off "I had a feeling she would want to give it to you but wouldn't be able to let go" I answer her silent question as I pass her Daniel. "One more stop and than we are gone" "you be careful driving" "always" "here here it's me Danny and uncle Justie on our fishing adventure" she said handing the picture to Olive "thank you sweet girl and you know what I know that your uncle would of loved it" she nods "I love you" one last hug and they were out the door off to my fathers for one last goodbye. No more crazy Mondays where we would sit and have coffee (tea because I'm pregnant) and watch the kids play while talking about anything and everything.

I was laying in bed in a kinda trance like state. A knock at the door causes me to look up. "Sorry she won't sleep and figured you could do with the company like us" he said walking in with a tired grump looking MillieFlorence. He puts her down on the bed and she immediately crawls over snuggling into me. "You can join to" I said to Jay who was awkwardly standing there. I was mentally exhausted i didn't care. "I miss uncle Justie" "me to baby me to" she sighs leaning into me the both of us starting to fall asleep. "Would you relax I can't sleep with you being so tense I wouldn't invited you here if I didn't want you in my bed" I snap not opening my eyes but feeling all warm when he laughs before relaxing into the bed. "I would love for you to share that gift" "what" I was very confused but look down seeing her sleeping MillieFlorence "I have been trying for two hours I even snuggled her" "she knows baby is coming soon" I told him smiling before repositioning myself to be comfortable with MillieFlorence and still see him. "How does she sleep when she's with you" "with me apparently I always put her in her room but wake up so her sliding into my bed...that's if I even manage to put her in her bed" "oh I don't even try I know she will sleep beside me I'm kinda procrastinating putting her to sleep in her room. I have to soon though she won't sleep much if she doesn't get accustom to sleeping in her room" "hey we know if she doesn't she'll end up crawling into my bed" he shrugs we were both lapping up how little she was.