𝙀𝙣𝙝𝙮𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙄𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 ☘

« Jay »

author-nim is sad today

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pov : losing your passion and being comforted by your fp

➷｡˚⸙͎۪۫

She couldn't write anymore.

Even if there was something in the pale lilac sky that made her remember the child she once was, even if the autumn winds slipped a fresh kiss on her face, or even if ... even if ... It shouldn't matter now.

Her hands stopped on the empty page, knowing since then she was only going to press the pen hard enough for the rest of the time, because the mind that was once a field of tulips has lost its sight, perhaps vanishing into what remains when the day of reckoning draws its first blood.

She used to write so much as if every piece would complete a sculpture, if not a sculpture, then life itself. The trees, the grass, the florets.

Her poems were scattered all around the room, books torn and thrown everywhere. The place was such a clutter as the poet herself. Finding herself lost between the silence of her lips and her head, she moved away from the desk and started her next war.

Jay came only to see his girlfriend tearing her most prodigious works. Papers were ripped apart even before he could save them, she was broken even before he could mend her.

"Y/n!"  He rushed to her, trying to hold her behind.

"No, no, no, no." Y/n cried, trying to take his arms off.

He could only do so little as to wrap his arms around her belly, placing his lips softly on her neck and muttering, "I'm here, y/n. I'm here."

He could feel her weight as she finally allowed herself to give into his embrace. "I can't write."

Jay shook his head, intertwining their fingers. "Please,y/n, say anything but that." Because it frustrated him, too, to see that she was frustrated.

"It's blank." She said, catching her breath as her tears kept pouring out. "My mind... Everything is just blank and I'm so afraid."

He settled his girlfriend on the bed as he brushed her tears with his thumb and fixed the mess of her hair.

"Love..." He said, sitting beside her.

"I'm afraid, Jay." She said, her doleful eyes finally meeting his. "I'm afraid that this might be it. I can't write anymore. I can't think the way I used to. What if this is it? What if this is where my poems end?"

"They can't." He replied. "I understand that you get so disappointed sometimes, y/n. And I know I can't take that away from you as much as I wanted to."

She looked away.

"Love, you know what you are." He said, grabbing her hands. "I know that you've always wanted to write. You will write more things about me. I know you'll keep doing that."

"I didn't want to destroy everything." She said,  squeezing his palms. "I never even meant to break things. Maybe I was just afraid and confused, and angry and..."

"I understand." He gave her a reassuring smile before pulling her for a long hug, caressing her hair.

"My girl will figure out things just like she always does." He said. "We'll pick up the mess and put them together whenever you're ready, okay?"

Y/n may have wanted to mutter something, but the hug was so consoling she didn't want to be set free.