𝙀𝙣𝙝𝙮𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙄𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 ☘

« Ni-Ki »

First bull of the month

TW ! ! ! Abuse, obsession

➷｡˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

Riki

The shaft of sunlight shone across her flushed skin. It was the first time she looked denude—well—not particularly denude, of course. Perhaps it was just the way she cut her hair so shortly, or the way her red floral sundress played up with her distinctive figure.

Everyone could love her easily. She was just as gentle as the winds of spring. She was every flowery in a poem, or the linchpin in every portrait.

Y/n.

Even God has figured her out so well, carving every piece of her so gracefully; from the strands of her hair to her sweeping range of emotions.

She would be seen at her window day after day, practicing the hymns for Sunday church, or sometimes imagining a heated argument with herself, laughing every now and then. She would read, she would face her mirror, she sometimes would cry, and I would secretly watch. She was just as perfect as she could be.

"Riki!" That night at the street was the first night she accepted my very existence. She still had the same sundress she wore at church, said that was now her favorite dress. Then sitting next to me, she took the can of soda I was holding and gave herself a sip, like a friend whom you share your old woodland adventures with. "You're here, too." She said. I could only shrug, never quite at ease as she smiled, understood that just like her, I love to watch the constellations written on the Prussian blue sky. "I also sneak out of the house to go here and just sit on this garden... And think." And that was the start.

Since then, we would go to school together. Although she was a few years older than me and a very close friend to my sister, it seemed like we have known each other so much and bonded more. Maybe it was like that to me.

I kept her secrets as much as she did to mine, held her in times that seemed like looking for a needle in a haystack, danced together on a rainy day, talked, and talked, I wished she was just as happy as I was.

Sometimes, it would hit me, the thought of wanting y/n so much. It would hit harder when I try to avoid thinking of it, the idea of her being so perfect to my eyes. She would be in my dreams, and I would be grateful for most of it. Maybe it was just envy driving me down. How I wish it wasn't. And if it was love, I've poured too much. Well, not that it mattered. She deserved every bit of it.

Every petal of those flowers I gave should mean everything to her. Yet, with a heavy smile, y/n said. "Riki..." And turned me down. "I admire you, truly. But I can never be ready for this now."

Right at that moment, everything just started to cave in.

"I don't understand. All this time, I thought you felt the same for me."

"I'm sorry." Her words sounded so heavy as though they were not meant to come out like that but it did, anyway. "I'm thankful for everything you did to me, but I could never imagine us as more than friends."

"You can try." Because I could never understand. I couldn't just close my eyes and tell myself to yield to her rejection. I've been showing her hints, I swear I have. Well she was, too! Or so I thought.

"Please tell me you want me too so I would never have to get on with the burden of  whether or not I should keep wanting you. Because I can never stop wanting you."

"I'm sincerely sorry, Riki. I really am. But perhaps there's no way I can't hurt you by saying no... We can still be just as close as before, I promise! You are always nice to me."

Right there I realized, that out of all the worst things in the world, perhaps the one I hated the most was the brush-off.

"Give me a chance, y/n. Please."

She could only shut her eyes, sighing her frustration before having the chance to walk away. Maybe muttering the words in her mind, "I will do no such thing." That was one of  her mistakes. But the one she should answer for, the one that shouldn't have made me love her in my own way, the one that started all of this, was her smile.

It was too late for her to walk away, and it was too late for me to hold back.

Give yourself to me, y/n. That's all I ever ask.

A single grip of mine caught her waist and before she could even speak, both her wrists were locked by my hands.

I could still recall how helpless she was, crying in fear, but there was no one to hear her but me. Me, and the poison tainted on my lips. A kiss was enough; the one that lingered, the one that tasted like rust, the one that would make her sleep for a very long time.

Her eyes turned red as she slowly collapsed in my arms. Her hands softened each second, letting go of my shoulders, no longer fighting back.

Everyone could love her easily. She was just as gentle as the winds of spring. I immediately wiped my lips and brushed her tears with my thumb.

Yes, everyone was right.

She was just as gentle as the winds of spring.