𝑭𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒚 𝑺𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒚

𝑨 𝑴𝑨𝑵'𝑺 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑳𝑫.

𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐍'𝐒 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟔 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐒.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃.

 ❥

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

grief;

keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; painful regret.

You took a deep inhale of your cigarette, a rush of temporary relief running through your tired body. A burn went down your throat, up through your nose. The first time you smoked, you were a coughing wreck, cringing at it and trying to promise yourself you'd never do it again.

Fourteen years later, here we are. Smoking as a coping mechanism. Funny how the brain lies to itself.

Life was a haze after Ruby's and Polly's deaths. Neither were peaceful or fair. How could anybody in the family get closure from what had happened? Knowing their aunt Polly was murdered as you were a few hours away. Nobody understood the guilt that was on your shoulders for the years that had passed.

She told you to not go. You should've done what she said. She was always right, why would you go? Why would you ever be so stupid? It was all your fucking fault, you put her in that vulnerable position, and now she is six feet under. She had nobody in her last moments, because you chose business over her.

That's what your head told you.

The reality was, it was never any of your fault. You couldn't control any of it. You had done everything in your power to keep her safe and even you were weaker than her in the truth of all of it. She was the strongest woman you had ever known, and you were the strongest she'd known and yet, there you were. A cigarette between your lips as you read about the Great Depression happening everyday.

You put locks on the house, told Mary a number to dial in emergencies for men to come, a safe room, if you were there, it'd be likely you'd be dead. The family had said, "We're so thankful you weren't there." "Where would we be without you?"

"Who would take care of us?"

You were never thankful you weren't there. You told her, "If you die, I will die with you, Pol."You said that over and over again until she believed it. She clutched your hand, god, you could still remember that graceful touch, as you spoke that promise. She nodded with tears in her eyes finally, "I couldn't live without you either, dead or alive. We spirits are always living." Then you'd both laugh with dread of when that day would come, of when one of you would pass.