The Unventured Passions

Irreparable Mistakes

Sometimes we expect more from others as we would be willing to do that much for them. And, the gap that exists between that expectation and reality is what gives birth to disappointment and sadness.
Bondita clearly witnessed the shock registered on Anirudh's face even before he could hide it. A small smile played on his lips. It wasn't what he said though, his words were like tender honey, sweet in their ordinary sort of way, it was the richness of his tones - luxurious and warm.

"Bondita? What a surprise!"

It had taken her about ten minutes inside the campus to find the building where Barrister Anirudh's office was. The quaint grey walls on the outside reflected a melancholic gloom as Bondita walked up the steps, entering the threshold of the building.

"Barrister Roy Chowdhury's office?"
She had asked the bearer standing at the entrance.
This was the first time Bondita had come to visit her husband in his new workplace. Although, she had been to the courtrooms before, but every time Anirudh was there to escort her.

A sudden sense of misgiving overshadowed her initial spark of excitement as she finally pushed the door open, entering his office room unannounced.
Anirudh's eyebrows were furrowed, his serious eyes narrowed on the keys of the typewriter, lost in some intensified trance as Bondita entered the room.
Her abrupt entrance had shaken him a bit, as if awaking him from his deep meditation as he almost forced a smile on his face.

"Is the surprise a pleasant one?"
Bondita asked him, her spirit a little dampened at the unexpected welcome.

"Yes... Well, a surprise is a surprise." Anirudh paused, tucking away the papers inside a large red file.
"So... What are you doing here?" He looked up at her.

"Won't you ask me to sit?" Bondita's eyes were down.

"Yes... Please." He gestured her to the chair infront as she slowly walked infront and sat down.

"I... I came to meet you."

"Why? Anything urgent? Is Rudhi alright? Is there a telegram from... Is Kaka fine?" The register of an immediate concern evident in his voice made Bondita sigh.

"Everyone is fine." She looked away.
"Can't I just come to meet my husband?"

A cold air of inhospitality swept the four walls of room as the high mechanical fan whined continuously over their head.

Anirudh was smiling now, his eyes mellowed down to the familiar tenderness.
"Ofcourse you can come to meet me... Anytime you wish Bondita." He got up from his chair and walked around, making his way infront of her.

"I think I may have caused you some disturbance. I'm... Well, I didn't mean to..."

Anirudh leaned forward a bit to touch her hands with his.
"Bondita... It's alright. It's true that I was doing something important... But, your visit is always a welcoming breath of fresh air for me."

Bondita looked up, clearly hurt at the initial treatment, as her eyes failed to gauge the warm love in him.

"I... I'm sorry Barrister Babu... I shouldn't have come here."
She got up from the chair and prepared to leave.

"Wait."
Anirudh had held her arms as he pulled her close.
"Don't behave like I'm a stranger to you. We are past this Bondita... Please sit." He held her shoulders to make her sit on the chair once again.
"I'm sorry I wasn't prepared for your visit, and I got a little... You know... But, that doesn't mean I'm unhappy to see you." He cupped her cheek with his right hand.
"I'm happy to see you Shona... Shotti!"

Emotions are a form of biochemical bank account; positivity pays in and negativity is a withdrawal. It's basic human nature to emotionally appoint the ones they love to certain positions in their inner landscapes, yet were they ever asked if that was a role they could deliver on?
At times humans create their own disappointments - or rather their dis-appointment from these emotional roles they assigned. Psychological maturity is perhaps shown more keenly in the way one deals with disappointment than almost any other emotion.
Anirudh's sudden disengagement had disappointed Bondita making her question the decision of paying him a visit. At that moment, despite Anirudh's assurance, she felt irrelevant, unwanted.
She sat down quietly on the chair, with her eyes looking away as Anirudh went back to sit in his designated chair.

"So? Did you have lunch?"
Anirudh asked as Bondita nodded her head in negation.

"Do you want to have lunch together?" He asked again only to receive the same reaction from her.
Anirudh eyed his wristwatch and leaned back on his chair, letting out a soft sigh. Only two hours left to submit the Prosecution Bill to reopen the Swadeshi Custodial death case. He had been desparately waiting for a confirmation, a phone call from Judge Neelmoni Mukherjee ever since their last conversation, but somewhere a sense of eminent rejection had overcasted the rays of his hope in the last few hours.
He was in this all alone and this acknowledgment of isolation made his thoughts jittery.

A few quiet uncomfortable moments breathed their lasts as Anirudh finally decided to speak again.
"Didn't you have classes today? What time did you leave?"

Bondita didn't look up.
"I bunked."

"You what?" Anirudh's voice was whammy.

"I didn't attend literature... I... I wanted to go to a bioscope instead... With you."
Bondita looked up.
"Or, am I not allowed?" The irony was evident in her voice.

"Why would you be not allowed? I mean when have I ever stopped... Bondita, what's wrong with you?" Anirudh got up from his chair.
"If you want to go to a bioscope, I'll take you... But, today is not the time... I'm in a middle of... Bondita, you have no idea what I'm going through." He pressed his forehead with his palm before brushing his fingers through his hair to calm himself down.
"Let's go on Friday... Shall we."

"It's alright... You don't have to..." Bondita got up again.
"Had it not been for Girish Da, I wouldn't have been here."

Anirudh narrowed his eyes.
"Girish... Da? Who might that be?"

"A senior from college." Bondita shrugged slightly.

"And why would this Girish Da be responsible for you coming here?" He enquired calmly as she murmured the answer.

"He wanted a lift... Till here... So I thought..."

"Lift till where? Outside the Court campus?"
His voice was cold and composed.

"Inside..." Bondita was almost inaudible as a sudden cold chill of fright coursed down her spine.
"Dropped him near the wall."

"The red high wall?"
Anirudh's jaw clenched as he inched closer and grabbed her shoulders earnestly.
"Tell me Bondita, did you show your ID card to the guards? Did he make you drive past them?"

Bondita swallowed a dry lump and nodded her head slightly.

Anirudh let go of her shoulders and slammed his fist on the table as if in an intense delirium, scaring her even further.

"Barrister Babu... What..."

"Damn it, Bondita... How could you!!
He cupped his own forehead and let out an agonizing grunt.

"That's a red alert restricted zone, Bondita... The only entrance to the Correction Center... Only a few has pass for it, and that includes your husband... Do you understand what this means?"

Bondita's lips were quivering as she felt her numb hands desparately trying to touch the table to make her wobbling feet steady.

"He played you... Bondita, he played you!"

Jets of uncontrollable tears ran down her cheeks.
"Now?" Her voice trembled.

"Was he carrying anything?" His tone was alert and agitated. "Like... Like a box, or anything at all?"

"Just a regular sling bag,... Like... like mine." She fumbled recalling how he had clutched it close to his chest all the time they had sat together.
"It was... " Bondita looked up at her husband with teary eyes.
"What on earth..."

Anirudh had already picked up his coat and was preparing to leave. Without letting her complete the sentence, he turned towards her with one last question.

"How does he look... Describe me... Now!"

"Beard... Glasses... Blue..."

Anirudh didn't wait for her to complete as she stood inside his office alone, like a stone statue regretting her ignorant behaviour...
Why did she even wake up that day... was the last question that rang in her mind in a loop before she sank down in one of the wooden chairs in the grey freshly painted suffocating cabin of law.

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